


walmart vs chanel

by luvclb



Series: real gays of seventeen [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Homophobic Language, Light Angst, M/M, jihoon was forced into this, junhui is a little shit, meanie act like they hate each other but they're in love, someone save jisoo from jeonghan, soonyoung is whipped for his bf, unhealthy amount of exo mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-12 23:26:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 48,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11747370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvclb/pseuds/luvclb
Summary: maybelline:the disrespect in this chat is amazingmaybelline:im just so shocked right nowmaybelline:i need some time I'll be back later after i pull myself togetherreginaboo:what the hell just happeneddab8:what's the name of this dramamingew:get out





	1. devil child

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [team work makes the meme work](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11404479) by [dazepeach](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dazepeach/pseuds/dazepeach). 



> callmesoon - soonyoung  
> rawrXD/channie ♡ - chan  
> dab8 - minghao  
> w0nw00/emonemo - wonwoo  
> hongkong - jisoo  
> dad - seungcheol  
> hansolbling - hansol  
> reginaboo/jeju's bitch - seungkwan  
> mingyu/mingew - mingyu  
> maybelline - jeonghan  
> bitter - jihoon  
> seokminnie - seokmin  
> ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ - jun

**callmesoon** created **forever walmart**

**callmesoon** added **rawrXD and 11 others**

**callmesoon** changed **w0nw00** 's username to **emonemo**

**callmesoon** changed **mingyu** 's username to **mingew**

 

**callmesoon:** sup bitches

 

**dab8:** no

 

**mingew:** you couldn't have left my name alone

 

**callmesoon:** of course not

**callmesoon:** do you know who i am

 

**mingew:** point taken

 

**bitter:** what is this and why does it exist

 

**callmesoon:** it's a way for us to stay connected so that our friendship doesn't end

 

**bitter:** if our friendship was that easy to end i would have done it a long time ago **  
**

**bitter:** trust me

 

**callmesoon:**  shut up you love us

 

**bitter:**  that's debatable 

 

**callmesoon:** wow ok

**callmesoon:** leave then

**callmesoon:** see if i care

 

**bitter:** .

 

**callmesoon:** i taKE IT BACK PLS DONT LEAVE

 

**dab8:** weak ass

 

**dad:** i think it's a great idea soonyoung

 

**callmesoon:** as always, dad is the only one who comes thru 

 

**reginaboo:** okay but what even is the chat name

 

**callmesoon:** it's from a meme you uncultured swine

 

**reginaboo:** damn okay i wont ask next time

 

**emonemo:** what was wrong with my previous username

 

**callmesoon:** it was awful and boring

 

**mingew:** drag him

 

**emonemo:** everyone in my life is fake

 

**ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** if anything i think chan has the worst username

 

**rawrXD:** listen this is only my username bc jeonghan hates it and im rebelling

**rawrXD:** plus 'rawr means ily in dinosaur XD' was too long

 

**maybelline:** chan pls come back to me

 

**rawrXD:** no not until you stop haRASSiNg me

 

**hongkong:** what did jeonghan do now

 

**maybelline:** you were cuter when you had duck ass hair

 

**rawrXD:** bringing up my dark times aint helping you out buddy

 

**seokminnie:** someone explain what's happening im confused

 

**dab8:** like usual

 

**hansolbling:** lol jeonghan asked chan whose baby he was earlier today and chan's said 'not yours', took all of jeonghan's ramen, and left

 

**bitter:** chan i'm so proud of you

 

**ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** jeonghan just got shut down

 

**maybelline:** i can't believe this

 

**dad:** babe maybe it's time you stop the whole baby thing

**dad:** chan is a college student

 

**rawrXD:** i second that

 

**maybelline:** wow i raised you on my back and this is how you repay me

**maybelline:** the disrespect in this chat is amazing

**maybelline:** im just so shocked right now

**maybelline:** i need some time I'll be back later after i pull myself together

 

**reginaboo:** what the hell just happened

 

**dab8:** what's the name of this drama

 

**mingew:** get out

 

_-_ ❀ _-_

 

**maybelline:** ok so i've thought it over and i've decided that

**maybelline:** i won't stop calling chan my baby bc that's what he is and nothing will change that

 

**bitter:** rip chan we tried

 

**maybelline:** BUT

**maybelline:** i will tone it down and stop doing it so often

 

**rawrXD:** this is the best i'm gonna get isn't it

 

**maybelline:** yes

 

**rawrXD:** i'll take what i can get

 

**ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** now that whatever this was is over can we change chan's name

 

**rawrXD:** oh yeah

**rawrXD:** soonyoung

 

**callmesoon:** on it babe

 

_**callmesoon** changed **rawrXD'** s username to **channie ♡**_

 

**callmesoon:** there we go ٩(๑> ₃ <)۶♥

 

**channie ♡:** (❀˙˘˙)♡(˙˘˙❀)

 

**reginaboo:** i hate cute couples

 

**callmesoon:** i hate your username

**callmesoon:** i mean come on mean girls was iconic and all but it's getting old

 

_**callmesoon** _ _changed_ _**reginaboo**_ _'s username to_ _**jeju's bitch**_

 

**jeju's bitch:** can't believe you disrespected a cinematic masterpiece in front of my own two eyes

**jeju's bitch:** my OWN home

 

**hansolbling:** he's not at your house though??

 

**emonemo:** oh hansol

**emonemo:** sweet stupid hansol

 

**hansolbling:**???

 

**jeju's bitch:** i know he's not actually at my house hansol but ty for that

 

**hansolbling:** no problem!!!

 

**bitter:** im real close to beating my record of how fast it takes me to leave a gc

 

_-_ ❀ _-_

 

**ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** ok but are we just gonna ignore the fact that soonyoung called us bitches

 

**hongkong:** you're late **  
**

 

**ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** i will not just sit around and let him disrespect me like that

**ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** im serious

**ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** guys

**ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** this is abuse

**ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ

 

_-_ ❀ _-_

 

**callmesoon:** i just realized something

**callmesoon:** jeonghan claims that chan is his baby

**callmesoon:** but chan is my baby

**callmesoon:** bc ya know

**callmesoon:** he's my boyfriend

**callmesoon:** square tf up jeonghan

 

**channie ♡:** soonie it's 3am go to sleep

 

**callmesoon:** but jeonghan needs to learn his place

 

**channie ♡:** we're all aware that im yours

**channie ♡:** now go to sleep im tired

 

**callmesoon:** ok ok

 

**channie ♡:** i love you

 

**callmesoon:** i love you too

 

_-_ ❀ _-_

 

**jeju's bitch:** disgusting

 

**channie ♡:** choke

 

**jeju's bitch:** a devil child like you doesn't deserve a heart in their username

 

**channie ♡:** (´ ∀ ` *)


	2. brian from america

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **channie ♡:** i can't believe this is happening  
>  **channie ♡:** my private life is out on the internet for the world to see  
>  **hongkong:** praying for you  
>  **dad:** tell me soonyoung, how does it feel to be exposed?
> 
> _**callmesoon** has left the chat_

**chat: forever walmart (13)**

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** guys

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** i have some tea to deliver

 

 **mingew:** ohhhhh

 

 **dab8:** i love me some good tea

 

 **hongkong:** pls tell me it's not on me again

 **hongkong:** im still scarred from last time

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** you're safe this time jisoo

 

 **hongkong:** thank god

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** now onto the spilling

 

 **callmesoon:** JUNHUI DONT YOU DARE

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** ahaha

 

 **bitter:** what the fuck

 

 **callmesoon:** IF OUR FRIENDSHIP MEANS ANYTHING TO YOU

 **callmesoon:** YOULL STOP RN

 

 **emonemo:** so i assume we're exposing soonyoung

 

 **channie ♡:** yes jun expose him

 

 **callmesoon:** CH A N

 **callmesoon:** you're all dead to me

 

 **jeju's bitch:** hello the queen has arrived

 

 **mingew:** ur a guy

 

 **jeju's bitch:** suck my toe mingnasty

 

 **hansolbling:** where did you even come from i thought you had shit to do today

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i did but i sensed that someone was abt to be exposed so i said screw shopping and here i am

 

 **dad:** what's going on

 **dad:** what did soonyoung do this time

 

 **callmesoon:** NOTHING

 **callmesoon:** IM INNOCENT

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** everyone shut the fuck up so i can get on with it

 

 **channie ♡:** sir yes sir

 

 **callmesoon:** chan we're breaking up

 

 **channie ♡:** lol k

 

 **callmesoon:** REGQFG

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** i've called you all here today to reveal a certain man's dark secret

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** this morning i was minding my own business, scrolling the web

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** when i found

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** it

 

 **callmesoon:** NO

 

 **channie ♡:** what was it oh wise one

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** im so glad you asked my favorite dongsaeng

 

 **seokminnie:** offended

 

 **maybelline:** you're my favorite dongsaeng seokminnie

 

 **seokminnie:** :D

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** so i found

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** in all its glowing glory

 

 **callmesoon:** n o

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** soonyoung's

 

 **callmesoon:** p l s n o

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** wattpad account

 

 **callmesoon:** suddenly i can't read

 

 **hongkong:** oh my god

 

 **seokminnie: JI** HOON IS DOWN

 **seokminnie:** I REPEAT

 **seokminnie:** JIHOON IS DOWN

 

 **dab8:** HOLY SHIT

 

 **hansolbling:** THIS IS THE BEST EXPOSING TO EVER TAKE PLACE IN THIS CHAT

 

 **jeju's bitch:** im so glad i skipped shopping for this

 

 **dad:** i

 **dad:** i don't know what to say

 

 **channie ♡:** i am,,,,disgusted

 **channie ♡:** soonyoung oh my god

 

 **bitter:** this just made by day 100x better nothing can top this

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** oh there's more

 

 **maybelline:** spiL L

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** you see our pal soonyoung here writes on there

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** but it's what exactly he writes that's the best part

 

 **hongkong:** oh no

 

 **dab8:** oh yes

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** soonyoung writes fan fiction abt him and chan

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** he doesn't use their names but you can 100% tell it's abt them

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** there's some steamy stuff on there too i was a little shocked

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** soonyoung is it true that you like it when chan calls you daddy

 

 **bitter:** IT GOT BETTER

 

 **jeju's bitch:** I CAN'T BREATHE OH MYGOD

 

 **hansolbling:** this is the best day of my life

 

 **seokminnie:** soonyoung why

 

**callmesoon:**

 

 **channie ♡:** i can't believe this is happening

 **channie ♡:** my private life is out on the internet for the world to see

 

 **hongkong:** praying for you

 

 **dad:** tell me soonyoung, how does it feel to be exposed?

 

_**callmesoon** has left the chat_

 

 _-_ ❀ _-_

 

 **seokminnie:** do fish get thirsty

 

 **mingew:** it's 2am

 

 **seokminnie:** i can't sleep until i know

 

 **bitter:** they obviously don't, they live in water

 **bitter:** they're probably drinking 24/7

 

 **seokminnie:** jihoon ily but your word isn't enough to reassure me

 

 **mingew:** just look it up on google

 

 **seokminnie:** ok brb

 

 **bitter:** seokmin

 **bitter:** it's been 5 minutes are you seriously looking it up

 

 **mingew:** dont you live with him

 

 **bitter:** i'm not home right now

 

 **mingew:** hyung you need to sleep too

 

 **bitter:** i know i know im leaving as soon as i finish this last song

 

 **mingew:** just please don't overwork yourself and get sick

 

 **bitter:** i wont

 **bitter:** thanks for worrying

 

 **mingew:** of course

 

 **seokminnie:** ok so google is just confusing me even more so i give up

 

 **mingew:** that was so anticlimactic

 **mingew:** i was expecting this long and detailed reply

 

 **seokminnie:** it's 2am you expect too much from me

 

 **mingew:** fair enough

 **mingew:** im going back to bed now wonwoo is being annoying

 

 **seokminnie:** night man

 

 **bitter:** goodnight

 

 _-_ ❀ _-_

 

**chat: bitter (2)**

 

 **seokminnie:** hyung it's almost 4am when are you coming home

 

 **bitter:** im sorry babe

 **bitter:** i got distracted after finishing the song and now i've started another one

 

 **seokminnie:** you work yourself too hard

 

 **bitter:** you sound like my mom

 

 **seokminnie:** i sound like someone who's worried about their boyfriend

 

 **bitter:** i'll be home soon, i promise

 **bitter:** don't wait up for me and go to bed, yeah?

 

 **seokminnie:** you and i both know i'm not gonna go to bed

 

 **bitter:** i know baby

 **bitter:** i know

 

 _-_ ❀ _-_

 

**chat: forever walmart (13)**

 

 **maybelline:** how many years is it in jail for murder

 

 **hansolbling:** depends on how and why you did it

 

 **dad:** what did you do now

 

 **maybelline:** what makes you think i've already done something

 

 **dad:** did you

 

 **maybelline:** no

 **maybelline:** just a lot of considering

 

 **hongkong:** what happened

 

 **maybelline:** some crusty ass fuck boy told me guys aren't allowed to have long hair and that i was disgusting for having two boyfriends

 

 **dad:** what's his address i just wanna talk

 

 **hongkong:** hansol you said the years in jail depended on how and why you did it right

 

 **dad:** jisoo we won't go to jail if we properly dispose of the body

 

 **hongkong:** shit cheol ur right let's go

 

 **dad:** already way ahead of you

 

 **maybelline:** guys please

 **maybelline:** they're already gone aren't they

 

 **hansolbling:** your boyfriends are wild™

 

 _-_ ❀ _-_

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** what's the name of that one american exchange student that goes to our university?

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i think his name is brian

 

 **dab8:** why did you need to know?

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:**   because he just ran past the science building in tears with what looked like a busted lip

 

 **callmesoon:** oh yeah i saw him too on my way to lunch with chan

 **callmesoon:** looked like he had a black eye too

 

 **channie ♡:** i think he was limping

 

 **emonemo:** damn what the hell happened to brian from america

 

 **dad:** nothing you can prove


	3. #respektforfurries xd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **dad:** why can't we act like a normal family for once in our lives  
>  **maybelline:** normal family  
>  **seokminnie:** who's that  
>  **emonemo:** never heard of her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has a little bit of homophobic language (only once but just to be sure) so if that makes you uncomfortable, it'd be best to skip the last section of this chapter

**chat: forever walmart (13)**

 

 **dab8:** would you be considered a furry if you think the jaguar from zootopia is kinda hot

 **dab8:** asking for a friend

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** babe what the fuck

 

 **dab8:** still asking for a friend

 

 **callmesoon:** keep your furry shit out of my group chat

 

 **jeju's bitch:** since when did this become your group chat

 

 **callmesoon:** um it's always been my group chat

 **callmesoon:** i hold all the power

 

 **jeju's bitch:** prove it

 

_**callmesoon** changed **dab8** 's username to **yiffyiff**_

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i accept my defeat

 

 **yiffyiff:** WAHT THEFUKC

 

 **hansolbling:** yiFf YiFf

 

 **hongkong:** why are you guys like this

 

 **dad:** why can't we act like a normal family for once in our lives

 

 **maybelline:** normal family

 

 **seokminnie:** who's that

 

 **emonemo:** never heard of her

 

 **dad:** why do i even try

 **dad:** i give up on all of you

 

 **bitter:** i gave up a long time ago

 

 **mingew:** i never cared you're all dead to me

 

 **emonemo:** wow ok i see how it is

 

 **mingew** except you babe i care about you

 

 **jeju's bitch:** gross

 

 **mingew:** seungkwan why don't you worry about getting into ur own relationship instead of shitting on everyone elses

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** he went

 

 **hongkong:** shots fired

 

 **yiffyiff:** can we get back to my question now

 **yiffyiff:** also soonyoung pls change my name back

 

 **callmesoon:** no to both questions

 

 **yiffyiff:** fuck you man

 

 **callmesoon:** hao i know i've been compared to them in the past, but i'm not an animal

 

 **yiffyiff:** oh my god

 

 **hansolbling:** accept it hao youre a furry now

 

 **yiffyiff:** i hate all of you

 

 **channie ♡:** can you guys shut the fuck up im trying to take a fucking nap

 

 **seokminnie:** woah boy

 

 **jeju's bitch:** damn what crawled up your ass and died

 

 **channie ♡:** idk what crawled up mine but i can tell you whats about to crawl up yours if you dont let me fucking sleep

 

 **hansolbling:** damn son

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** i've never seen chan swear this much jeonghan must be having a heart attack

 

 **dad:** he's getting there

 

 **channie ♡:** do yall not know what shutting the fuck up means

 

 **emonemo:** are you okay?

 

 **channie ♡:** im fine i just wanna sleep in peace

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** soonyoung do you know what's going on?

 

 **channie ♡:**  i just said that im fine

 

 **callmesoon:** im not sure whats wrong

 **callmesoon:** chan im coming over

 

 **channie ♡:** you don't have to im fine

 

 **callmesoon:** too late im already leaving my dorm

 

 **jeju's bitch:** well that escalated quickly

 

 _-_ ❀ _-_

 

 **maybelline:** why is the word fuck used so much in this chat

 

 **hongkong:** would you all like to join me for church on sunday

 

 **bitter:** jisoo no

 

 _-_ ❀ _-_

 

_**yiffyiff** changed **yiffyiff'** s username to **salthao**_

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** how'd you do that

 

 **salthao:** don't worry about it

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** get you a man

 

 

 _-_ ❀ _-_

 

 **callmesoon:** hey uh

 **callmesoon:** chan's okay now so you guys don't have to worry

 

 **hongkong:** we're still gonna worry anyway

 **hongkong:** but thanks for the update

 

 **bitter:** what's he doing right now

 

 **callmesoon:** he's asleep on my chest

 **callmesoon:** i just got him to calm down about fifteen minutes ago

 

 **jeju's bitch:** aw

 

 **mingew:** did you just

 

 **jeju's bitch:** don't start

 

 **seokminnie:** can you tell us what was wrong?

 

 **callmesoon:** it's not really my place to tell

 **callmesoon:** he said he'll tell you guys when he's ready

 

 **dad:** tell him he can take as much time as needs

 

 **callmesoon:** will do

 **callmesoon:** thanks guys

 

 **bitter:** you have no reason to thank us, it's what family's for

 

 _-_ ❀ _-_

 

 **channie ♡:** um

 **channie ♡:** im sorry for earlier

 **channie ♡:** especially for what i said to seungkwan

 **channie ♡:** i wasn't in the best mood as you could obviously tell

 **channie ♡:** anyways explanation

 **channie ♡:** my parents called me this afternoon **.** they're not very supportive of my...lifestyle i guess **.** when i came out in my senior year of high school they basically disowned me.

 **channie ♡:** they couldn't kick me out because i wasn't legal yet, but once i turned eighteen they threw me out **.** i lived with my aunt until i started university, which she pays for.

 **channie ♡:** my parents, more specifically my mom, will call me occasionally. i think she still has this little hope that someday i'll just grow out of being gay.

 **channie ♡:** this afternoon after my classes she called me and asked the usual questions

 **channie ♡:** "are you still a fag?"

 **channie ♡:** "has that boyfriend of yours finally left you?"

 **channie ♡:** "you father and i know a nice girl you could marry after university."

 **channie ♡:** it happens at least once every month but just because i know what's coming doesn't make it any easier to hear.everytime it happens im usually in a bad mood all day but until now i've done a good job at avoiding you guys so that i didn't say anything i'd regret.

 **channie ♡:** so yeah that's why i was such an asshole earlier

 **channie ♡:** sorry again

 

 **callmesoon:** chan i love you and nothing your parents say is gonna change that

 

 **channie ♡:** i know i know

 

 **seokminnie:** oh channie :(

 

 **dad:** chan we love you no mater what and we'll always be here for you when you need us

 

 **channie ♡:** i know that, i really do, and i love you guys too

 **channie ♡:**   sometimes i just forget that

 

 **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ:** and we'll always be here to remind you

 

 **channie ♡:** i dont deserve you guys 

 

 **callmesoon:** chan if you cry again istg

 

 **emonemo:** god damn it soonyoung why do you always ruin the moment **  
**

 

 **callmesoon:** it's a specialty of mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the angst keeps writing itself  
> only a little a bit more of it and we'll be back to the usual mess  
> 


	4. talk shit get hit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **maybelline:** but do all of you willingly wanna be my sons  
>  **dad:** I'm your boyfriend, that'd be incest  
>  **hongkong:** ^  
>  **junhuit:** soonchan can be your gay sons  
>  **junhuit:** we'll just be your gays  
>  **maybelline:** my gays  
>  **maybelline:** I love it

**chat: forever walmart (13)**

 

 **seokminnie:** I can't believe this betrayal 

 

 **callmesoon:** bro pls I said I was sorry

 

 **seokminnie:** idk if sorry is gonna cut it

 **seokminnie:** I'm hurt my dude

 

 **callmesoon:** seokmin, buddy, pls don't do this 

 

 **hongkong:** explain

 

 **seokminnie:** ok so apparently

 **seokminnie:** there's a setting where you can set admin control to one or more people

 **seokminnie:** and soonyoung's had it set that only he can change usernames and the chat name

 **seokminnie:** and i feel betrayed

 

 **mingew:**...

 

 **emonemo:** you mean to tell me

 **emonemo:** that you didn't know about the admin control options

 

 **seokminnie:** what

 

 **salthao:** literally all of us knew

 **salthao:** apparently you did not 

 

 **seokminnie:** wow

 **seokminnie:** not only was I betrayed by one bro

 **seokminnie:** but I've been betrayed by twelve bros

 

 **bitter:** never call me your bro again

 

 **callmesoon:** if I switch it to all admin will you come back to me and be my bro again

 

 **seokminnie:** yes

 

_**callmesoon** has set **admin control** to **all**_

 

 **maybelline:** THANK FUCK

 

_**maybelline** changed **ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ** 's username to **junhuit**_

 

 **maybelline:** I couldn't look at that ugly thing anymore 

 

 **junhuit:** insulted

 **junhuit:** wounded

 **junhuit:** i'll never be the same

 

 **channie ♡:** woah my otp

 **channie ♡:** july and wheat

 **channie ♡:** tongue emoji water emoji

 

 **maybelline:** chan im so glad you noticed

 **maybelline:** this is why you're my favorite dongsaeng ily

 

 **channie ♡:** ily2

 

 **callmesoon:** jeonghan wanna get fought again

 

 **seokminnie:** but jeonghan I thought I was your favorite dongsaeng 

 

 **maybelline:** would you look at the time I have to go bathe my chair

 

 **hongkong:** you can be my favorite dongsaeng seokmin

 **hongkong:** you're the easiest to deal with anyway

 

 **bitter:** sounds fake but ok

 

 **seokminnie:** :D

 

 **junhuit:** but what does my username mean 

 **junhuit:** chan pls

 **junhuit:** help a man out

 

 **channie ♡:** selective reading who's this

 

 **emonemo:** i

 

 **junhuit:** >:(

 **junhuit:** chaaaannnn

 **junhuit:** heeeelllpppp

 

 **mingew:** I'm actually curious too, I don't get it

 

 **channie ♡:** looks @ minghao

 

 **maybelline:** looks @ minghao

 

 **salthao:** don't you have a chair to bathe

 **salthao:** why tf are devil and devil jr looking at me

 

 **junhuit:** this doesnt help

 

 **channie ♡:** ;)

 

 **maybelline:** ;)

 

 **callmesoon:** wait I don't like being left out someone tell me :(

 

 **channie ♡:** private chat

 

 **hongkong:** hey no fair

 

 **mingew:** guess we know who our real friends are 

 

 **callmesoon:** ooohhhh

 **callmesoon:** ;)

 

 **junhuit:** whAt

 

 **salthao:** ¿?

 

_**channie ♡** left the chat_

_**maybelline** left the chat_

_**callmesoon** left the chat _

 

 **salthao** wow

 

 _-_ ❀ _-_

 

 **bitter:** kwon soonyoung so help me god if you don't get your ass back here right now 

 

 **emonemo:** what's going on

 

 **bitter:** soonyoung's being a little bitch right now

 

 **dad:** what could he have possibly done this time 

 

 **callmesoon:** jihoon please leave me alone

 

 **bitter:** no I'm not leaving you alone until the two of you tell me everything that happened

 

 **emonemo:** wait two?? who also are you trying to get?

 

 **bitter:** chan but that fucker is surprisingly fast and I lost sight of him

 **bitter:** so I went after soonyoung 

 

 **emonemo:** but why are we chasing soonchan around the university campus 

 

 **bitter:** i was on my way back to my dorm after my last lecture when i saw soonyoung and chan by the theater. i went to go call out to them but i stopped when i realized that they weren't the only ones there.

 **bitter:** there were about five other guys standing around them. i thought that maybe they were members of the dance team as well but then i noticed that they were just standing there, they were cornering them. they had soonyoung and chan pushed up against the wall so that they wouldn't just walk away if they wanted to.

 **bitter:** obviously concerned, i walked closer and i started to hear what they were saying.

 **bitter:** to summarize, they were basically telling them that they were disgusting for being gay and that they deserved to die, that not one would miss them

 **bitter:** which im going to interrupt and say that that's not true and we'd all miss you to death

 **bitter:** they just keep going on and on, saying all these horrible things about them and I was getting ready to hit the closest guy when they finally left

 **bitter:** chan and soonyoung didn't move right away, they just stayed in place. chan started to cry and soonyoung pulled him into a hug and you could tell he was angry. hell so was i

 **bitter:** i accidentally stepped on an empty water bottle and they noticed me bc of the sound and then ran away before i had a chance to say anything to them

 **bitter:** and you know how well catching them is going

 

 **jeju's bitch:** I suddenly feel the urge to kill

 

 **junhuit:** what a coincidence 

 **junhuit:** I have a strong craving for blood

 

 **channie ♡:** there will be no violence

 **channie ♡:** you guys are freaking out over nothing

 

 **bitter:** nothing? chan, those guys told you that you and soonyoung don't deserve to live

 **bitter:** that's not nothing 

 

 **channie ♡:** it's really fine hyung we're used to it

 

 **junhuit:** used to it? how long has this been going on?

 

 **callmesoon:** maybe a little over five months 

 

 **dad:** five months!?

 **dad:** and you haven't told anyone before about whats happening? not to be rude, but what the ever loving fuck is up with that?

 

 **callmesoon:** listen id tell someone if i could but they've made it very clear that we're not to tell anyway

 **callmesoon:** do you know how much I wish I could teach them a lesson and make them stop?

 **callmesoon:** i cant stand watching chan cry every single time just because those fucking assholes can't let him be himself

 **callmesoon:** trust me, seungcheol, I'd say something if I could, but I cant because if I do they'll do something much worse to my baby and I cant let that happen

 

 **jeju's bitch:** oh guys...

 

 **maybelline:** I sense my children's sadness what happened

 

 **hansolbling:** chan and soonyoung are being bullied for their relationship 

 

 **maybelline:** I own a gun all I need are their names

 

 **channie ♡:** hyungs please stop there's nothing we can do about it 

 **channie ♡:** It's not that bad now that I know what to expect 

 

 **mingew:** chan that's literally one of the saddest things I've ever read 

 

 **salthao:** you guys can't keep letting them treat you like this 

 

 **hongkong:** do you know who it is? like their names?

 

 **callmesoon:** yeah, they're a group of guys in chan's world history class

 

 **maybelline:** I still say we use the gun

 

 **dad:** there will be no gun

 **dad:** listen, I know you guys don't want us to take action, so we're going to trust you two to handle this on your own 

 

 **seokminnie:** we are?

 

 **dad:** seokmin

 

 **seokminnie:** sorry i mean

 **seokminnie:** we are.

 

 **junhuit:** no offense cheol but I don't think that's a good idea

 

 **hongkong:** no seungcheol's right

 **hongkong:** I know we all wanna make them suffer for what they're doing to our friends, but I think it'd be best to have chan and soonyoung handle it on their own

 **hongkong:** h o w e v e r

 **hongkong:** if it continues, I'll be stepping in

 

 **maybelline:** he literally just cracked his knuckles

 

 **callmesoon:** thank you guys

 **callmesoon:** seriously 

 

 **channie ♡:** I'm so glad we have you guys to back us up whenever we need it

 

 **emonemo:** just let us know how it goes

 

 _-_ ❀ _-_

 

 **channie ♡:** so we talked to the dean

 

 **salthao:** and??

 

 **callmesoon:** that asshole said he can't do anything about it without proof

 

 **bitter:** what the fuck that's messed up

 

 **channie ♡:** I kind of get where he's coming from but

 **channie ♡:** aren't you supposed to take the student's word for it in a situation like this?

 

 **callmesoon:** or at least ask around and look more into it instead of turning us away 

 

 **jeju's bitch:** so what are you guys gonna do now?

 

 **callmesoon:** I guess we'll just have to deal with it

 

 **hongkong:** oh no honey

 

 **bitter:** not on our watch

 

 **maybelline:** if they wanna mess with my babies they're gonna have to mess with me 

 

 **callmesoon:** what happened to no violence

 

 **dad:** let's kick some fuckers asses

 

 **channie ♡:** even cheol hyung? you guys really don't have to do this, it's not necessary

 

 **junhuit:** um yes is it

 

 **mingew:** let's go seventeen!

 

 **hansolbling:** did he just use an exclamation point

 

 **jeju's bitch:** wtf is seventeen

 

 **mingew:** our squad name

 

 **bitter:** please don't refer to us as a squad

 

 **salthao:** why seventeen??

 

 **mingew:** idk just roll with it

 

 **salthao:** right

 

 **maybelline:** hurry up losers I found out who the guys are

 

 **bitter:** we're on our way damn

 

 **channie ♡:** hyungs!!!!

 **channie ♡:** there's no one here is there 

 

 **callmesoon:** nope

 

 **channie ♡:** what are we gonna do

 

 **callmesoon:** I don't really think there's much we can do at this point 

 

 **channie ♡:** you're probably right

 **channie ♡:** hey soonie

 

 **callmesoon:** yeah?

 

 **channie ♡:** thanks for being there for me through everything that's been going on

 **channie ♡:** and I'm sorry if I haven't been there for you enough

 

 **callmesoon:** it's my job as your boyfriend to make sure you're happy at all times and im sorry I haven't been able to do that recently

 **callmesoon:** you've done plenty for me baby, you've always done enough

 

 **channie ♡:** I love you 

 

 **callmesoon:** and I love you

 

 _-_ ❀ _-_

 

 **maybelline:** that,,,was so sweet,,,

 **maybelline:** I think I just shed a tear,,,,

 **maybelline:** I love my two gay sons so much 

 

 **junhuit:** but we're all gay

 **junhuit:** or at least gay enough 

 

 **maybelline:** you're right 

 **maybelline:** but do all of you willingly wanna be my sons

 

 **dad:** I'm your boyfriend, that'd be incest

 

 **hongkong:** ^

 

 **junhuit:** soonchan can be your gay sons

 **junhuit:** we'll just be your gays

 

 **maybelline:** my gays

 **maybelline:** I love it

 

_**maybelline** changed the chat name to **jeonghan's** **gays**_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on vacation rn but I wanted to update so I wrote this on my phone. sorry if I missed any mistakes it's past 12am and I'm Tired
> 
> also this is the last of the angst for awhile, meaning next chapter will be back to the usual memes
> 
> (!!!also for those of you who didn't get the joke at the beginning of the chapter;  
> jun's user is jun8(basically a ship name for him and hao) bc huit is eight in French)


	5. burn dry noodles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **mingew:** i have an exam today and i forgot to study  
>  **channie♡:** there's only one way to get through exams  
>  **channie♡:** go in there with no expectations and no will to live  
>  **mingew:** truly wise words

**chat: jeonghan's gays (13)**

 

 **jeju's bitch:** im eating at a restaurant with my parents and the guy at the table next to mine keeps looking at me

 **jeju's bitch:** he's actually kind of cute

 **jeju's bitch:** mama's getting a man

 

 **seokminnie:** GO MAMA GO

 

 **jeju's bitch:** and by getting a man i mean im gonna keep looking at him from the side and say nothing

 **jeju's bitch:** HE JUST SAT IN THE SAME BOOTH SEAT AS ME SOS ABORT ABORT

 

 **seokminnie:** UOU GO FROM SLY TO HELP IN LITERALLY 5 SECONDS SEUNGKWAN PLS

 

 **jeju's bitch:** I CANT DO HUMAN INTERACTION WHEN THEY'RE CUTE SEOKMIN WHAT DO I DO

 **jeju's bitch:** HE'S STILL HERE AHH

 

 **seokminnie:** IM LAIGHOGNG

 **seokminnie:** KARMA

 **seokminnie:** UM YOU CAN

 **seokminnie:** SAY HY I GUESS

 **seokminnie:** SAY HI

 **seokminnie:** WELL AT LEAST T R Y TO SAY HI

 

 **jeju's bitch:** NO

 

 **seokminnie:** SEUNGKWAN PLS

 

 **jeju's bitch:** NO I CAN NOY

 

 **seokminnie:** WHY NOT

 **seokminnie:** I'LL BE SO PROUD

 **seokminnie:** TRY IT MAMA

 

 **jeju's bitch:** I'LL JUST TALK ABT THINGS WITH MY PARENTS SO I DONT LOOK SO AWKWARD

 

 **seokminnie:** SEUNGKWAN DEAR LORD

 

 **jeju's bitch:** my dad's talking abt restaurant tables idk which option would've been better

 **jeju's bitch:** cutie or restaurant tables

 

 **seokminnie:** cutie

 **seokminnie:** pick cutie

 **seokminnie:** OH WAIT TRY TO SNEAK A PIC

 

 **jeju's bitch:** too late i'm already too into this table convo

 **jeju's bitch:** IM NOT THAT SLICK

 

 **seokminnie:** TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM

 

 **jeju's bitch:** FINE

 **jeju's bitch:** BUT IF I GO DOWN UR GOIBG DOWN WITH ME

 

 **seokminnie:** I WILL BRO

 

-❀-

 

 **seokminnie:** mama pls don't be dead

 

 **jeju's bitch:** the things i do for you

 

 **seokminnie:** did u get it tho

 

 **jeju's bitch:** tf of course i did

 **jeju's bitch:** the snapchats are sending

 

 **seokminnie:** BLESS

 

-❀-

 

 **emonemo:** are any of you good at arcade games

 

 **salthao:** depends on the game why

 

 **emonemo:** bc mingyu and i are at an arcade and he's trying to get enough tickets to win a certain prize

 **emonemo:** but apparently im awful at arcade games

 

 **emonemo:** so we're getting nowhere

 

 **hongkong:** im good at arcade games

 

 **hansolbling:** jisoo let's be honest you suck at shooting games probably

 

 **hongkong:** um actually im the bedt at shooting games dont come for me caron

 

 **hansolbling:** bedt

 **hansolbling:** smh

 

 **hongkong:** WOW SUCK MY TOE

 

 **hansolbling:** yuck

 

 **hongkong:** S

 **hongkong:** U

 **hongkong:** C

 **hongkong:** K

 **hongkong:** T

 **hongkong:** H

 **hongkong:** Y

 **hongkong:** T

 **hongkong:** O

 **hongkong:** E

 **hongkong:** B

 **hongkong:** I

 **hongkong:** T

 **hongkong:** C

 **hongkong:** H

 

 **hansolbling:** THEE DOESNT LIKETH THE CRUSTY TOE AND SHANT DO THE SUCK ON IT

 

 **hongkong:** you missed the bitch

 

 **hansolbling:** jump

 

 **hongkong:** tell me to die harder papi

 

 **hansolbling:** who are you and where is my christian father get out of my house

 

-❀-

 

 **junhuit:** i

 **junhuit:** i think i just burnt my instant ramen

 

 **maybelline:** impressive

 

 **dad:** how the hell did you burn instant ramen

 

 **junhuit:** im hopeless in the kitchen

 **junhuit:** I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION SO I FORGOT TO ADD WATER AND I JUST

 **junhuit:** POPPED IT IN THE MICROWAVE

 

 **callmesoon:** you're my idol omg

 

 **maybelline:** yOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **junhuit:** I WAS SO SURPRISED WHEN I OPENED THE MICROWAVE THREE MINUTES LATER TO MELTED STYROFOAM AND BURN DRY NOODLES

 

 **maybelline:** ok sorry shit just went down in my show its g

 

 **callmesoon:** burn dry noodles

 **callmesoon:** title of my autobiography

 

 **dad:** iconic

 

-❀-

 

 **bitter:** look its junhui

**bitter:**

 

 

 **junhuit:** just let me live

 

-❀-

 

 **mingew:** i have an exam today and i forgot to study

 

 **channie♡:** there's only one way to get through exams

 **channie♡:** go in there with no expectations and no will to live

 

 **mingew:** truly wise words

 

-❀-

 

 **bitter:** which one of you assholes ate my chocolate chip cookies

 

 **salthao:** it was wonwoo

 

 **emonemo:** what'd i do

 

 **callmesoon:** say the devil's name and he shall come

 **callmesoon:** WAIT WHO CHANGED THE GROUP CHAT NAME

 

 **salthao:** well aren't you late

 

 **callmesoon:** liSTEN

**callmesoon:**

****

**callmesoon:** MY GC NAME WAS CHANEL OK

 

 **dad:** your gc name was walmart

 **dad:** literally

 

 **callmesoon:** wow

 **callmesoon:** even my own father is attacking me

 

 **dad:** soonyoung pls

 

 **callmesoon:** i feel like im gonna need a lot of self defense memes

 

 **dad:** soo n you n g

 

 **dad:** omg did he actually go to get memes

 

 **bitter:** who gives a shit

 **bitter:** our biggest problem is the fact that i have no cookies and someone is responsible

 

 **emonemo:** ok i'll admit that i ate the cookies

 **emonemo:** but seokmin helped me finish them

 

 **seokminnie:** hOW COULD YOU RAT ME OUT LIKE THAT

 

 **bitter:** then you both can buy me more cookies

 **bitter:** split the cost

 

 **emonemo:** i

 

 **seokminnie:** when will i find my real friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im home from vacation and i've hit a 100 kudos!! thank you so much to everyone who's left kudos, commented, or even just read my story!!!
> 
> the past two chapters have been pretty angsty so here's a chapter of pure mess, made up of 95% real convos i've had


	6. operation get verkwan to fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **hongkong:** i can smell the regret already  
>  **mingew:** wow hyung you can smell feelings? what does regret smell like?  
>  **maybelline:** are you sure you're a biochemistry major?  
>  **hongkong:** ah, the smell seems to be getting stronger

**chat: jeju's bitch (2)**

 

 **channie ♡:** so, when did you fall in love with hansol?

 

 **jeju's bitch:** that's disgusting. and wrong. I don't even get- why would- I've never loved anyone. anywhere. It's none of your- you have- the nerve, the audacity, hansol is my enemy, technically. and he is terrible, face-wise. and how- how- do I know, frankly, that you're not in love with him? maybe you are. maybe you're trying to throw me off? hmm check and mate.

 **channie ♡:** right

 

 

-❀-

 

**chat: jeonghan's gays (13)**

 

 **emonemo:** "knowledge" is knowing that tomato is a fruit; "wisdom" is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad

 

 **callmesoon:** that was deep

 

 **hongkong:** "philosophy" is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie

 

 **junhuit:** that's even deeper

 

 **salthao:** "common sense" is knowing that ketchup isn't a smoothie ya nasties

 

-❀-

 

**chat: salthao (2)**

 

 **junhuit:** hey hao

 **junhuit:** talk dirty to me ;)

 

 **salthao:** i touch myself when i think of you

 **salthao:** more specifically i rub my temples bc i get a headache

 **salthao:** you're so fucking annoying

 

 **junhuit:** sometimes i question if our relationship is actually real

 

 **salthao:** aw babe don't be like that, you know i love you

 **salthao:** at least i do on a good day

 

 **junhuit:** what have i done to deserve this pain

 

 **salthao:** you were born

 

-❀-

 

**chat: mingew (2)**

 

 **channie ♡:** this is a boring party

 **channie ♡:** nothing's happening

 

 **mingew:** chan we're the only ones here, it's not a party yet

 

 **channie ♡:** i see your point

 **channie ♡:** so what time does the judgmental express arrive?

 

 **mingew:** jihoon and minghao get here at noon

 

 **channie ♡:** nice

 

-❀-

 

**chat: jeonghan's gays (13)**

 

 

 **dad:** guys i was shopping with jeonghan and soonyoung and i think we lost soonyoung

 

 **channie ♡:** my own parents lost my boyfriend at the store

 

 **dad:** i'm sorry we'll find him

 

 **channie ♡:** no he can stay

 

 **seokminnie:** chan omg

 

 **dad:** as appealing as that sounds we know he won't make it all alone

 **dad:** jeonghan have you found him yet

 

 **maybelline:** no and he's not answering my texts or calls

 **maybelline:** nvm i just heard all the singing dog toys in the next isle over start singing

 

 **channie ♡:** im dating a literal five year old

 

-❀-

 

 **_seokminnie_ ** _renamed the chat **'fluorine uranium carbon potassium bismuth technetium helium sulfur germanium thulium oxygen neon yttrium'**  
_

 

 **bitter:** do you even know what all of those are

 

 **seokminnie:** do you???

 

 **bitter:** fair point

 

 **maybelline:** you removed jeonghan's gays for this

 

 **bitter:** ngl i actually thought jeonghan's gays was kind of funny

 

 **mingew:** loud and dramatic gasp

 **mingew:** jihoon feels emotion

 **mingew:** this is groundbreaking

 

_**bitter** removed **mingew** from the chat_

**_seokminnie_** _added **mingew** to the chat_

 

 **mingew:** i can't believe you've done this

 

 **bitter:** vine is dead shut up

 

 **seokminnie:** i shall explain the gc name fluorine uranium carbon potassium bismuth technetium helium sulfur germanium thulium oxygen neon yttrium now

 

 **maybelline:** please

 

 **seokminnie:** aight so if you look up the element symbols for all those element you get

**seokminnie:**

****

**maybelline:** stop

 

 **seokminnie:** sorry im still a piece of garbage

 

 **bitter:** one more reference and i start swinging

 

 **mingew:** "i won't hesitate, bitch", jihoon probably

 

_**bitter** removed **mingew** from the chat  
_

 

-❀-

 

 

 **hansolbling:** why are we so extra

 

 **hongkong:** i wish i knew why

 

 **callmesoon:** the world way never know

 **callmesoon:** way

 **callmesoon:** gtg

 

 **hongkong:** way

 

_**hongkong** renamed the chat **'the world way never know'**_

 

 **callmesoon:** i knew it was coming

 **callmesoon:** i was waiting for it

 

 **hongkong:** ;)

 **hongkong:** everytime

 

 **callmesoon:** you're an asshole

 

 **hongkong:** i know

 

-❀-

 

_**salthao** renamed the chat **'to do list: conquer the north'**_

 

 **channie ♡:** why

 

 **salthao:** dont question me

 

 **channie ♡:** yes sir

 

-❀-

 

 **emonemo:** im going to commit

 

 **callmesoon:** i'll join you

 

 **emonemo:** sounds good

 **emonemo:** can't wait

 

 **callmesoon:** so excited

 

 **emonemo:** right

 

 **callmesoon:** highlight of my year

 

 **emonemo:** dude same

 

 **callmesoon:** who needs university when you choice just die

 **callmesoon:** choice

 **callmesoon:** im gonna do it now won i can't wait any longer

 

_**emonemo** renamed the chat **'who needs university when you choice just die'**_

 

 **callmesoon:** stop hanging out with jisoo

 

 **hongkong:** i don't know what you're talking about

 

-❀-

 

 **maybelline:** is anything real

 **maybelline:** maybe life is all just a dream

 

 **jeju's bitch:** it was only just a dream

 

 **maybelline:** i've been thinking bout you, thinking bout me

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i don't remember the rest of the song

 

 **maybelline:** thinking bout us

 **maybelline:** what we gonna be

 **maybelline:** open my eyes

 **maybelline:** it waS ONLY JUST A DREAAAMMM

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i can hear the voice cracks from here

 

 **maybelline:** blocked

 

 **jeju's bitch:** finally

 

 **maybelline:** WOAH OK

 **maybelline:** THATS FINE

 **maybelline:** IM NOT HURT

 **maybelline:** MY HEART ISNT BROKEN

 

_**jeju's bitch** left the chat_

 

 **maybelline:** see if i add you back later fucker

 

-❀-

 

 **jeju's bitch:** sometimes i think i should get into art, but then i realize that i am art and someone needs to get into me

 

 **junhuit:** i volunteer hansol

 

 **channie ♡:** i also volunteer hansol

 

 **hansolbling:** nah dudes i can't lose my virginity bc i never lose

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i don't know if i should feel insulted

 **jeju's bitch:** do you guys honestly believe that i think so low of myself that i'd let that in me

 **jeju's bitch:** think again bitches

 

 **hansolbling:** chan can you tell soonyoung that i need him to send me some of his self defense memes, i feel like im gonna need them

 

 **channie ♡:** will do

 

 **hansolbling:** thanks man

 

 **_hansolbling_ ** _changed **channie ♡** 's username to **therealest** _

 

-❀-

 

**chat: operation get verkwan to fuck (3)**

 

 **junhuit:** ok so seungkwan is being more difficult than we originally expected

 **junhuit:** what should we do fellow match makers

 

 **salthao:** i say we use physical force

 

 **therealest:** let's blackmail them i have a lot of dirt on seungkwan

 

 **salthao:** ohh i have hansol's old acting taps saved to my laptop

 

 **junhuit:** i think i just shed a tear

 **junhuit:** im so proud of my kids

 

 **salthao:** im your boyfriend that's gross

 

 **junhuit:** im so proud of my boyfriend and my kid

 

 **therealest:** how many parents do i have

 

 **junhuit:** enough

 **junhuit:** anyway i think we should add the others to let them help and make our lives easier\

 

 **salthao:** sounds like a plan

 

 **therealest:** aight i got it

 

_**therealest** added **emonemo** and **7 others** to **operation get verkwan to fuck**_

 

 **mingew:** not another group chat

 

 **bitter:** at least soonyoung didn't make this one

 

 **callmesoon:** ouch

 

 **junhuit:** sup fuckers

 

 **dad:** junhui pls

 

 **maybelline:** what is this for

 **maybelline:** and why aren't seungkwan and hansol in it

 

 **therealest:** this, my dear friends, is operation get verkwan to fuck

 **therealest:** verkwan being seungkwan and hansol

 **therealest:** which is why they aren't here

 

 **maybelline:** such foul language for a child

 

 **therealest:** suck my dick

 

 **hongkong:** wowow calm down there

 

 **callmesoon:** yeah only i can suck your dick chan wtf

 

 **salthao:** this got out of hand real quick

 

 **emonemo:** this is a chat abt how to get two of our friends to have sex

 **emonemo:** i think it's been out of hand since the start

 

 **junhuit:** nemo has a point

 

 **seokminnie:** wait

 **seokminnie:** if verkwan is hansol and seungkwan and the kwan comes from seungkwan, where does the ver come from??

 

 **salthao:** vernon

 

 **bitter:** wtf why vernon

 

 **therealest:** it's hansol's street name

 

 **dad:** hansol has a street name?

 

 **therealest:** yeah so does jisoo

 

 **hongkong:** i trusted you

 

 **maybelline:** this tea is scalding

 

 **junhuit:** we're getting off topic

 

 **salthao:** oh right

 **salthao:** verkwan

 

 **junhuit:** our last plan failed bc seungkwan is a difficult piece of shit, so we're moving on to our next plan

 

 **dad:** plan b?

 

 **salthao:** it's like, plan g by now

 

 **seokminnie:** how many plans to we have?

 

 **salthao:** let's just say we've been trying for awhile

 

 **callmesoon:** is there like, a plan m?

 

 **therealest:** yeah, but mingyu dies in plan m

 

 **bitter:** i like plan m

 

 **mingew:** what did i ever do to you

 

 **bitter:** you existed

 

 **emonemo:** why does mingyu have to die if we're only trying to get two people together?

 

 **therealest:** don't worry about it

 

 **maybelline:** what happened to my baby

 

 **callmesoon:** idk but this is hot

 

 **hongkong:** keep your sexual fantasies out of the gc

 

 **junhuit:** it won't come to that so don't worry abt mingyu

 

 **salthao:** it probably won't come to that

 **salthao:** but we always have multiple backup plans just in case

 

 **seokminnie:** the three of you are real shady

 **seokminnie:** it kind of scares me

 

 **dad:** tbh me too

 

 **therealest:** good

 

 **callmesoon:** so what's the next plan?

 

 **junhuit:** we've been debating between two options

 **junhuit:** blackmailing or the classic "lock them in a room and force them to talk abt their feelings"

 

 **therealest:** hao and i prefer blackmailing

 

 **salthao:** we got tea like you wouldn't believe on those two

 

 **maybelline:** i also prefer blackmailing

 

 **dad:** i really don't think blackmailing them into a relationship will be much help

 

 **callmesoon:** boo you're lame

 

 **bitter:** i agree with seungcheol

 **bitter:** it won't turn out well in the end and all the effort we put into exposing them would go to waste

 **bitter:** save the blackmail boys, i'll let you know when i need your help

 

 **therealest:** i like jihoon

 

 **salthao:** jihoon is my favorite hyung

 

 **seokminnie:** hoonie pls

 

 **mingew:** i feel like junhui, minghao, chan, jihoon, and jeonghan all have a chat where they exchange tea abt the rest of us and other people and plot world domination

 

 **therealest:** :)

 

 **junhuit:** ok so locking them into a room and forcing them to talk it is

 

 **hongkong:** i can smell the regret already

 

 **mingew:** wow hyung you can smell feelings? what does regret smell like?

 

 **maybelline:** are you sure you're a biochemistry major?

 

 **hongkong:** ah, the smell seems to be getting stronger

 

 **junhuit:** operation get verkwan to fuck is a go

 

-❀-

 

_**emonemo** renamed the chat **'my life is falling apart'**_

 

 **emonemo:** it's 1am

 **emonemo:** i have an 8am class later this morning

 **emonemo:** yet here i am

 **emonemo:** watching kiki's delivery service for the tenth time

 

 **dad:** you're gonna hate yourself later for staying up this late

 

 **emonemo:** jokes on you, i'm gonna hate myself later this morning no matter what

 

 **dad:** was that a joke or an emotion?

 

 **emonemo:** honestly the line is so blurred at this point i can't tell

 

 **callmesoon:** see, i told everyone his username was accurate

 

 **dad:** im sorry i doubted you

 

 **emonemo:** kiki wouldn't treat me like this 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i just write a chapter with more than half of it made up of tumblr memes? yes, yes i did.
> 
> junhaochan are my favorite shady trio and nothing will ever change that


	7. snakes go ssss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **callmesoon:** aight so that just leaves jihoon  
>  **bitter:** no  
>  **bitter:** i dont think i can stand you guys for a week straight  
>  **junhuit:** technically it's a week gay with us  
>  **salthao:** junhui pls go back to sleep

**chat: my life is falling apart (13)**

 

_**jeju's bitch** renamed the chat **'seungkwan's soul has left that shit gone'**_

 

 **salthao:** finally

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i always knew you secretly wanted me dead

 

 **salthao:** wasn't really a secret

 

 **hongkong:** why is seungkwan's soul gone

 

 **therealest:** that american artist taylor swift released a new song

 

 **salthao:** omg seungkwan's a swiftie

 

 **mingew:** are you really surprised that a snake is a fan of the queen of snakes

 

 **therealest:** TRUE

 

 **jeju's bitch:** insulting my queen

 **jeju's bitch:** right in front of MY salad

 

 **salthao:** she's literally sitting on a throne with snakes as her servants in the mv

 

 **hongkong:** minghao's a swiftie in hiding: a theory???

 

 **salthao:** it was on my recommended page ok i was bored so i clicked it

 

 **mingew:** why was a taylor swift video on your recommended page, which suggests things based on what you've been watching

 

 **therealest:** exposed

 

 **salthao:** i came here to attack seungkwan yet im the one being attacked

 

 **jeju's bitch:** um i also feel attacked

 

 **salthao:** oh good at least smth is going right

 

 **jeju's bitch:** taylor swift is a musical genius and i will not sit here while y'all continue to attack her

 **jeju's bitch:** im not having it

 

 **salthao:**.....

 

 **jeju's bitch:** what

 

 **salthao:** it's just you've usually left the chat by now

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i wanna leave bc i hate all of you but i know that if i leave jeonghan won't let anyone add me back

 

 **maybelline:** it's true i won't

 

 **therealest:** have you been lurking this whole time

 

 **maybelline:** maybe

 

 **hongkong:** this chat is just full of snakes

 

 **maybelline:** im your boyfriend

 

 **hongkong:** sssss

 

 **therealest:** i suddenly have a new found respect for jisoo hyung

 

-❀-

 

 **hansolbling:** you know

 **hansolbling:** we always talk abt how shady junhaochan are

 **hansolbling:** but we never acknowledge how shady jeonghan is

 **hansolbling:** like i once saw him make a grown man cry just by making direct eye contact

 **hansolbling:** jeonghan probably knows victoria's secret

 

 **hongkong:** a whole snake

 

 **maybelline:** quit attacking me

 

 **hongkong:** sssssss

 

 **maybelline:** let me live

 

 **hongkong:** you're typing but all i see is ssSSSS

 

 **maybelline:** you're sleeping on the couch tonight

 

 **hansolbling:** jisoo, another shady person we never acknowledge

 

 **hongkong:** :)

 

-❀-

 

 **junhuit:** junhaochan

 **junhuit:** sounds like a disease

 

 **bitter:** you are a disease

 

 **junhuit:** why is it always me

 

-❀-

 

 **emonemo:** here comes dat boi

 **emonemo:** o shit waddup

 

 **bitter:** wonwoo that memes been dead for ages

 

 **emonemo:** i use dead memes hoping that they'll eventually lead to me being dead too

 

 **bitter:** that's so theatrical of you

 

 **emonemo:** im a mess of many talents

 

 **bitter:** what are your other talents

 

 **emonemo:** my other talents include eating, complaining, avoiding responsibilities, and sleeping

 

 **bitter:** me too

 

-❀-

 

 **seokminnie:** soonyoung when someone asks him just abt anything

 **seokminnie:**

**seokminnie:** soonyoung when someone asks him abt chan

**seokminnie:**

 

 **maybelline:** holy shit it's true

 

-❀-

 

 **callmesoon:** guys i just had a great idea

 

 **dad:** oh no

 

 **therealest:** it's actually a pretty good idea

 

 **bitter:** what is it

 

 **callmesoon:** ok so you know how we have a week before university starts up

 

 **dad:**...yeah

 

 **callmesoon:** well my uncle rents this house right on the beach in busan every summer

 **callmesoon:** and he said he wouldn't mind letting me stay there for a week

 **callmesoon:** so i was wondering if you all wanted to go on a vacation before school started

 

 **dad:** that's,,,,

 **dad:** actually a good idea wow im in

 

 **therealest:** you already know im going

 

 **callmesoon:** now we just gotta wait for everyone else to reply

 

 **junhuit:** hao and i are in

 

 **dad:** jisoo and han said they'll go

 

 **seokminnie:** i'll go!

 

 **mingew:** im in and so is wonwoo bc he has to whether he likes it or not

 

 **emonemo:** good thing i wanna go then

 

 **jeju's bitch:** im in, i hate my roommate

 

 **hansolbling:** i thought your roommate went home for the summer??

 **hansolbling:** im in btw

 

 **jeju's bitch:** he did but sadly he came back early

 

 **callmesoon:** aight so that just leaves jihoon

 

 **bitter:** no

 **bitter:** i dont think i can stand you guys for a week straight

 

 **junhuit:** technically it's a week gay with us

 

 **salthao:** junhui pls go back to sleep

 

 **dad:** aw come on jihoon it'll be fun

 

 **callmesoon:** yeah it wont kill you to actually spend some time with us

 

 **bitter:** um yes it will

 

 **seokminnie:** please jihoonie i miss all of us hanging out together :(

 

 **bitter:**.....

 **bitter:**....fine

 

 **jeju's bitch:** sorcery

 

 **_therealest_ ** _changed **bitter** 's name to_ **_Whipped™_ **

_**therealest** changed **seokminnie'** s name to **actualsun**_

 

 **Whipped™:** brat

 

 **therealest:** :D

 

 **callmesoon:** great so everyones coming!

 **callmesoon:** we leave tomorrow morning

 

 **dad:** wow isnt that a little soon considering we just found out tonight?

 

 **callmesoon:** yeah but my uncle said if we were going we had to leave by tomorrow morning

 **callmesoon:** said smth abt the guy who owns the lot, wasn't really paying much attention

 

 **Whipped™:** such a short attention span you have

 

 **dad:** why do i have a bad feeling abt this trip

 

-❀-

 

**chat: operation get verkwan to fuck (11)**

 

 **therealest:** this trip is where we put our plan into action

 **therealest:** we do not leave busan until they're together

 

 **salthao:** sir yes sir

 

 **emonemo:** why am i not surprised

 

-❀-

 

**chat: seungkwan's soul has left that shit gone (13)**

 

 **callmesoon:** chan and i are leaving in ten minutes to pick you guys up **  
**

 

 **maybelline:** you're picking us all up?

 **maybelline:** how are you going to fit thirteen people plus luggage in one car

 

 **callmesoon:** a guy on the dance team let me borrow his huge ass van for the week if i promised to buy him lunch for the first month of school

 

 **emonemo:** can you even afford that?

 

 **callmesoon:** i'll worry about that when the time comes

 **callmesoon:** we're leaving now

 **callmesoon:** everyone better be ready to go or else im leaving your ass

 

-❀-

 

 **mingew:** listen up fuckers

 **mingew:** we haven't even been in this house for 24 hrs

 **mingew:** we went grocery shopping not even 4 hrs ago

 **mingew:** now im going to ask once and only once

 **mingew:** i expect an honest answer

 **mingew:** who the fuck ate all the damn rice

 **mingew:** i went to make dinner and there was none

 

 **actualsun:** it was jihoon

 

 **Whipped™:** stop calling me out

 

 **actualsun:** sorry babe but i wanna eat tonight

 

 **mingew:** jihoon go buy more

 

 **Whipped™:** i cant drive

 

 **mingew:** then walk

 

 **Whipped™:** wtf im not gonna walk to the store do you know how far away that shit is

 

 **mingew:** should've thought abt that before you ate all the goddamn rice huh

 

 **Whipped™:** im not walking to the store

 

 **mingew:** jihoon

 

 **Whipped™:** no

 

 **mingew:** jihoon.

 **mingew:** now.

 

 **Whipped™:** yes sir

 

 **salthao:** oh my god

 

 **junhuit:** he actually left i

 

 **therealest:** mother jeonghan who? i only know milf mingyu

 

 **hongkong:** MILF

 

 **mingew:** no one else touches my food, are we clear

 

 **therealest:** crystal

 

 **actualsun:** this family is a mess

 

 -❀-

 

 **jeju's bitch:** hows it feel to be the worst mother jeonghan

 

 **maybelline:** shut tf up your mom buys you mega blocks instead of legos

 

 **jeju's bitch:** gasp

 **jeju's bitch:** you take that back you monster

 

-❀-

 

 **Whipped™:** vine is dead why can't any of you get over it

 

 **junhuit:** you see i find that statement very funny my precious jihoon

 

 **Whipped™:**???

 

 **junhuit:** bc the last five videos in your youtube history prove otherwise

 

 **Whipped™:** junhui

 

 **junhuit:** allow me to collect my receipts

 **junhuit:** ahem

 **junhuit:** 'Vines I think about a lot.'

 **junhuit:** 'RIP Vine (my favorites)'

 **junhuit:** 'VINES THAT KEEP ME ALIVE'

 **junhuit:** 'Vines to re-birth vine'

 **junhuit:** 'idek i keep finding new vines to so who even fucking knows how many of these will happen fu'

 **junhuit:** i think someone needs to hurry up and accept that

 **junhuit:** vine

 **junhuit:** is

 **junhuit:** dead.

 

 **therealest:** SMACKDOWN

 

_**Whipped™** has left the chat_

 

 **jeju's bitch:** must be nice

 

 **junhuit:** let me help you out there

 

_**junhuit** kicked  **jeju's bitch** out of the chat_

 

 **therealest:** dad seungcheol who?

 **therealest:** i only know junhui, my actual father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school starts in like a week so if updates slow down, that's why, but i'll try to keep updating regularly, especially since this is the fic i update when i just wanna relax bc it doesn't take a whole lot of effort
> 
> except i had to rewrite this chapter three times bc my computer kept restarting before i could save rip so if it's not that good i apologize, i tried


	8. i dont actually want jesus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Whipped™:** ok i know i say that we need jesus a lot but i don't actually like  
>  **Whipped™:** want jesus  
>  **Whipped™:** we're too far gone at this point that not even jesus could save us  
>  **Whipped™:** we're lost causes

**chat: seungkwan's soul has left that shit gone (12)**

 

 **maybelline:** who the fuck is screaming at 2 in the god damn morning

 **maybelline:** wait i know that scream

 **maybelline:** seokmin shut the hell up

 

 **actualsun:** "wait i know that scream"

 **actualsun:** suggestive ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **maybelline:** i dont need this right now

 **maybelline:** just pls stop ur screeching

 

 **actualsun:** it's not screeching it's singing

 

 **maybelline:** we seem to have different definitions of singing bc that is not it

 **maybelline:** it's just screeching in slightly different tones

 

 **actualsun:** it's a hardcore song

 

 **maybelline:** oh my god

 **maybelline:** just stOp it i wanna sLEEP

 

 **actualsun:** you don't control me

 

 **maybelline:** listen

 

 **therealest:** who's stepping on cats at 2 in the morning wtf

 

 **maybelline:** it's seokmin "singing"

 

 **therealest:** yeah well it's annoying and im tired so let's save it for when the sun rises and none of us are in the house

 

 **actualsun:** speaking of annoying

 **actualsun:** was seungkwan ever added back into the chat after junhui kicked him

 **actualsun:** i know seungcheol added jihoon but idk abt seungkwan

 

 **therealest:** i dont think he was added

 **therealest:** i'll add him back, i miss my personal punching bag

 

 **maybelline:** don't you dare

 

 **therealest:** you dont control me

 

_**therealest** added  **jeju's bitch** to **'seungkwan's soul has left that shit gone'**_

 

 **maybelline** children these days have no respect for their elders

 

-❀-

 

 **emonemo:** ya know

 **emonemo:** i think this is the longest we've ever had a gc name last

 **emonemo:** and i hate it

 **emonemo:** but it makes me angry that i can't think of anything good to replace it

 

 **Whipped™:** me too

 

 **hongkong:** i'll name the gc

 

 **Whipped™:** jisoo no matter how many times you change the gc name to a bible verse, i will not go to church with you on sunday

 

 **hongkong:** listen just consider it

 

 **Whipped™:** no

 

 **hongkong:** it could be good for you

 

 **Whipped™:** ok i know i say that we need jesus a lot but i don't actually like

 **Whipped™:** want jesus

 **Whipped™:** we're too far gone at this point that not even jesus could save us

 **Whipped™:** we're lost causes

 

 **emonemo:** wait those could be great gc names

 **emonemo:** which one should i choose

 

 **Whipped™:** what

 

_**emonemo** changed the chat name to **'i dont actually want jesus'**_

 

 **hongkong:** you're right jesus can't save you now

 

 **Whipped™:** glad you've realized

 

-❀-

 

**chat: operation get verkwan to fuck (11)**

 

 **junhuit:** ok so a quick check to make sure everything is all set

 **junhuit:** if you play a role pls speak up

 

 **dad:** i gotta get everyone out of the house and make sure they stay out

 

 **callmesoon:** chan and i are in charge of getting them in the same place

 

 **maybelline:** and i get to ease-drop and spill the tea 

 

 **salthao:** good

 **salthao:** starting now, operation get verkwan to fuck is a go

 

-❀-

 

**chat: hansolbling (2)**

 

 **callmesoon:** hey bro

 

 **hansolbling:** sup bro

 

 **callmesoon:** bro i need you to do me a favor

 

 **hansolbling:** yeah what is it bro

 

 **callmesoon:** im going out with chan in a few and i cant find my favorite hat

 **callmesoon:** i think i left it in the bathroom, could you check for me?

 **callmesoon:** i'd do it but your room is right next to the bathroom and if i take any more time getting ready chan will probably slaughter me

 

 **hansolbling:** of course bro anything for you

 

 **callmesoon:** bro ily

 **callmesoon:** no homo tho

 

 **hansolbling:** its ok bro i know ur only homo with chan

 **hansolbling:** ily2

 

 **callmesoon:** you're the best

 

 **hansolbling:** i know

 

-❀-

 

**chat: jeju's bitch (2)**

 

 **therealest:** hey seungkwan

 

 **jeju's bitch:** wow ur texting me first who died

 

 **therealest:** haha real funny

 

 **jeju's bitch:** yes i know im a comedian

 **jeju's bitch:** what do you want

 

 **therealest:** i think i just heard a bang coming from the bathroom upstairs

 **therealest:** could you check it out for me to make sure no one fell or that seokmin didn't fall into the toilet again

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i didn't hear anything tho and my room is right across from the bathroom???

 

 **therealest:** pls just check

 

 **jeju's bitch:** why can't you do it

 **jeju's bitch:** are your legs broken

 

 **therealest:** no im going out with soonyoung in a few and im in the middle of getting ready

 

 **jeju's bitch:** and any of the others cant do it bc?

 

 **therealest:** they're all out

 

 **jeju's bitch:** you mean everyone had plans to go out and no one invited me to tag along

 

 **therealest:** yes thats exactly what im saying

 

 **jeju's bitch:** the disrespect

 

 **therealest:** seungkwan pls

 

 **jeju's bitch:** no

 

 **therealest:** (｡•́︿•̀｡)

 

 **jeju's bitch:** tf outta here with your cute emoticons

 

 **therealest:** ಡ ﹏ ಡ

 

 **jeju's bitch:** jesus christ fiNe

 

 **therealest:** ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و you're the best

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i know

 

 -❀-

 

**chat: operation get verkwan to fuck (11)**

 

 **salthao:** is everything going according to plan

 

 **callmesoon:** hansol is still searching for my hat in the bathroom

 

 **therealest:** seungkwan just left his room to go into the bathroom, currently getting ready to strike

 

 **mingew:** go chan

 

 **therealest:** soonyoung hurry up and get the rope

 

 **hongkong:** wait rope

 **hongkong:** i dont remember this being part of the plan

 

 **maybelline:** i just heard a scream that sounded a lot like seungkwan

 **maybelline:** i think i just heard hansol swear what happened

 

 **therealest:** i slammed the door shut behind seungkwan and he screamed then fell into hansol, scaring him as well

 **therealest:** targets have been successfully captured

 

 **hongkong:** what was the rope for

 

 **callmesoon:** well considering you can unlock the door from inside the bathroom that alone wouldn't keep them in there

 **callmesoon:** so chan and i bought some rope last night

 **callmesoon:** and we tied one end to the bathroom door knob and the other end to seungkwan's bedroom door knob

 

 **therealest:** that way when they try to open the bathroom door it wont work bc the bathroom door swings inward n the rope will keep it closed

 

 **emonemo:** i

 **emonemo]** wow

 

 **dad:** are you sure this isn't the first time you've done something like this

 

 **therealest:** the stories of my dark past are for another time

 **therealest:** rn we have more important things to focus on

 **therealest:** jeonghan pls move to your position

 

 **maybelline:** sir yes sir

 

 **therealest:** and now

 **therealest:** we wait

 

 **hongkong:** dear lord

 

-❀-

 

**chat: hansolbling (2)**

 

 **jeju's bitch:** wow they really locked us in here didnt they **  
**

 

 **hansolbling:** indeed they did

 **hansolbling:** always knew we were friends with a bunch of snakes

 

 **jeju's bitch:** we know so many snakes we could set up an exhibit at the zoo

 

 **hansolbling:** we could

 **hansolbling:** why do you think they locked us in here

 

 **jeju's bitch:** idk but im gonna snap chan's neck once we're out of here thats for sure

 

 **hansolbling:** hey uh

 **hansolbling:** while we're here

 **hansolbling:** can i talk to you abt smth?

 

 **jeju's bitch:** im not sure if i like where this is going but ok

 

 **hansolbling:** dw its nothing bad

 **hansolbling:** or at least i hope you dont consider it something bad

 

 **jeju's bitch:** go on

 

 **hansolbling:** ok so

 **hansolbling:** um

 

 **jeju's bitch:** wait why are we still texting if we're in the same room

 **jeju's bitch:** let's have a verbal conversation like normal people

 

 **hansolbling:** yeah ok one sec

 

 **jeju's bitch:** you say that like i could go anywhere else if i wanted to

 

 **hansolbling:** true

 

-❀-

 

 

**chat: operation get verkwan to fuck (11)**

 

 **maybelline:** aight so it's currently silent

 **maybelline:** i think they're texting each other??

 

 **mingew:** losers

 

 **maybelline:** seungkwan just said "this is ridiculous"

 **maybelline:** i can hear them putting their phones on the floor

 **maybelline:** hansol's saying smth but i can't hear him bc he's mumbling

 **maybelline:** apparently seungkwan can't hear him either bc he just asked him to speak up

 **maybelline:** wait

 **maybelline:** wAIT

 **maybelline:** OMGOMGOMGOMG

 **maybelline:** ITS HAPPENING

 **maybelline:** EVERYBODY STAY FUCKING CALM OHMYGOD

 

 **actualsun:** IM YELLING DID OUR PLAN ACTUALLY FUCKING WORK

 

 **Whipped™:** I ACTUALLY FEEL REALLY HYPED ALL OF A SUDDEN ???

 

 **dad:** fUCK EVEN JIHOON IS FEELING IT

 

 **salthao:** wow dad just swore :0

 

 **dad:** did

 **dad:** did minghao just call me dad

 **dad:** i think

 **dad:** i think im gonna need a minute ohmygo d

 

 **maybelline:** TOO BAD ITS GONNA HAVE TO WAIT

 **maybelline:** THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR

 

 **junhuit:** JEONGHAN WHAT ARE THEY SAYING BOI

 

 **maybelline:** SHIT RIGHT SORRY SPILLING THE TEA

 **maybelline:** OK SO YOU GUYS DIDNT REALLY MISS ANYTHING

 **maybelline:** ONCE SEUNGKWAN ASKED HANSOL TO SPEAK UP IT WENT SILENT

 **maybelline:** OH DAMN HE'S SPEAKING AGAIN OK

 **maybelline:** hansol: i apologize in advance if this sounds really awkward or comes out wrong but im not very good with words

 **maybelline:** seungkwan: clearly

 

 **emonemo:** savage

 

 **maybelline:** hansol: uh s-so— ah, how should i say this?

 

 **hongkong:** this is getting really detailed all of a sudden

 

 **Whipped™:** it's like a roleplay

 

 **maybelline:** hansol: to make things a little quicker before i start rambling, i kinda sorta maybe like you a teeny tiny bit

 

 **callmesoon:** "i kinda sort maybe like you a teeny tiny bit" smooth hansol A+

 

 **maybelline:** seungkwan: shit you were right when you said you weren't good with words

 **maybelline:** hansol just deadass whined wtf

 **maybelline:** hansol: wow here i am trying to confess my undying love for you and this is the way you thank me

 **maybelline:** seungkwan: why would i thank you for liking me???

 **maybelline:** hansol: seungkwan you're not making this any easier for me

 **maybelline:** lmao hansol sounds really nervous seungkwan give the poor boy a break

 

 **salthao:** why are they such a mess

 

 **maybelline:** seungkwan: you're right im sorry, pls continue

 **maybelline:** hansol: well i just told you what i wanted to say, it's your turn to reply

 **maybelline:** seungkwan: wow wait thats it? no cute ass story on how you realized you like me, not even what it is that you like abt me?

 **maybelline:** hansol: um i can tell you what i like abt you i guess. i like your sense of humor, your eyes, your laugh, how you're never afraid to speak your mind, your—

 **maybelline:** seungkwan: okay i take it back stop before i cry

 **maybelline:** hansol: sorry

 **hongkong:** this is so disgustingly sweet in a messy memey way when will i ever

 **maybelline:** seungkwan: right so i guess it's my turn now. contrary to popular belief, i do feel actual human emotions—shocking, i know, but lucky for you, i have some of those feelings for you

 **maybelline:** hansol: that was worse than my confession, you have no right to judge me

 **maybelline:** seungkwan: wow okay shut up bitch

 **maybelline:** hansol: make me hoe

 **maybelline:** i cant decide whether i should laugh or cryWAIT HOLD UP

 

 **dad:** WHAT

 **dad:** WHATS GOING ON

 

 **maybelline:** SEUNGKWAN PULLED AN ANIME CLICHE AND KISSED HIM TO SHUT HIM UP KJHFAUGV

 

 **junhuit:** KKHGFUYEQ

 

 **therealest:** defyteyd';d;ejPHDOUIGF

 

 **maybelline:** I FEEL WEIRD LISTENING TO THEM MAKE OUT IS IT OK FOR ME TO WALK AWAY NOW

 

 **junhuit:** YES

 

 **salthao:** NO

 

 **maybelline:** WAIT THEY STOPPED

 **maybelline:** hansol: i think this is the part where i ask you to be my boyfriend

 **maybelline:** seungkwan: and i think this is the part where i say yes

 

 **Whipped™:** FIUIHAWEOUFGQOUWRGYUYGDBDNSHOLYFUCKINGSHITHJEISNFUCIJINGCHRIDT

 

 **actualsun:** jihoon's officially lost it

 

 **callmesoon:** A BITCH IS CRYING AND THAT BITCH IS ME

 

**junhuit:**

 

 **maybelline:** MY BABIES

 **maybelline:** MY TWO PRECIOUS BABIES WHOM I LOVE SO MUCH ARE IN LOVE

 

 **emonemo:** weren't you against adding seungkwan back into the chat bc he was a "fake ass bitch who dont even know the iconic nelly"

 

 **maybelline:** now is not the time to reflect on my past mistakes wonwoo

 

 **therealest:** well boys

 **therealest:** our work here is done

 

 **salthao:** it's been a wild ride my friends

 

 **junhuit:** and with this i say

 **junhuit:** team it's a mission success

 

 **mingew:** i think i just shed a tear

 

-❀-

 

**chat: jeju's bitch (2)**

 

 **hansolbling:** so like you know the rest of them have a gc abt us getting together right

 

 **jeju's bitch:** WHAT

 **jeju's bitch:** how do you know that??

 

 **hansolbling:** i walked past soonyoung while he was sitting on the couch texting and i saw the gc

 **hansolbling:** that's why they locked us in the bathroom

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i wanna be mad but we kind of owe them

 

 **hansolbling:** yeah

 **hansolbling:** but we're not gonna tell them that are we

 

 **jeju's bitch:** lol of course not

 

-❀-

 

**chat: i dont actually want jesus (13)**

 

 **jeju's bitch:** so **  
**

**jeju's bitch:** how's the gc abt hansol and i

 

 **actualsun:** aha gc??

 **actualsun:** what gc

 **actualsun:** we dont have a gc where we came up with a whole plan to get you guys together lmao where did you get that idea ahaha

 

 **Whipped™:** seokmin omg actually shut up

 

 **hansolbling:** we're not mad or anything im just curious what kind of things went down in there

 

 **salthao:** you dont wanna know

 **salthao:** trust me

 

 **therealest:** well now that they know abt it that means i can finally do this

 

 **_therealest_ ** _changed the chat name to **'i kinda sort maybe like you a teeny tiny bit'**_

 

 **hansolbling:** SNAKES

 **hansolbling:** YOU'RE ALL SNAKES

 

 **therealest:** _now_ the mission is a success

 

-❀-

 

 **junhuit:** storytime:

 

 **callmesoon:** junhui you're not a youtuber ok get over it

 

 **junhuit:** the time i figured out my friend in italy was going to take over his grandfather's place in the mafia

 

 **callmesoon:** I TAKE IT BACK SPILL

 

 **junhuit:** oK LIKE IT WAS GOING TO BE PASSED DOWN TO HIM RIGHT

 **junhuit:** AND I DIDNT EVEN FIGURE IT OUT HE LITERALLY JUST BLUNTLY TOLD US IN THE GC WE HAD WITH SOME OTHER FRIENDS

 **junhuit:** i dont talk to him as much as i did before but i still do somewhat

 **junhuit:** one time he told me if i ever needed anything to just tell him and he'd have done it for me bc he treated and saw me as a little brother he never had

 **junhuit:** even though he has like three younger brothers

 **junhuit:** soonyoung i could've literally had someone m u r d e r e d if i wanted to and he would be like "aight lol"

 **junhuit:** but not actually tho bc the meanest thing i could probably do to someone is idk maybe repeatedly steal smth they need in silence and act like they lost it everytime they went looking for it and it wasn't there

 **junhuit:** like their car keys or phone charger

 

 **callmesoon:** you mean what you did with my copy of the legend of zelda for the n64

 

 **junhuit:** listen i gave it back eventually

 

 **callmesoon:** mHm

 **callmesoon:** anyway could you tell ur friend to hmu or smth there are some ppl i got beef with

 

 **junhuit:** sURE WHY NOT

 

 **callmesoon:** lit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sweet lies by exo makes me feel some kinda way fuck me up baekhyuN
> 
> so today was the first day of school and im so mentally and physically exhausted i want to Die. i probably wont update again until the weekend so here's a long chapter and some finally confirmed verkwan !!


	9. burn dry noodles: the sequel???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **callmesoon:** junhui and his crew look like Good Church Children™  
>  **maybelline:** wait we gotta ask an actual church child  
>  **maybelline:** jisoo can we confirm  
>  **hongkong:** can confirm  
>  **junhuit:** i hate all of you

**chat: i kinda sort maybe like you a teeny tiny bit (13)**

 

 **therealest:** hey

 **therealest:** cheol hyung and jisoo hyung

 

 **dad:** yes hello

 

 **hongkong:** what's up lil man

 

 **therealest:** i'll let that pass for now hong jisoo

 **therealest:** but you will not always be let off easy

 

 **hongkong:** noted

 

 **therealest:** anyway

 **therealest:** idk why but i've always wondered

 **therealest:** what's it like dating jeonghan

 

 **hongkong:** oh dear lord

 

 **dad:** last night he was pissed at me and i asked him for a glass of water

 **dad:** he brought me a glass of ice and told me to wait

 

 **therealest:** why was he pissed at you tho

 

 **hongkong:** cheol threw away one of his mudmasks

 

 **dad:** listen in my defense it was only in a plastic bag on the counter

 **dad:** i thought mingyu was collecting mud from the backyard again

 

 **therealest:** i remember that

 **therealest:** it ended up _everywhere_

 

 **hongkong:** to this day i cant look at mud the same

 

 **dad:** forever scarred

 

-❀-

 

 **Whipped™:** how to make junhui cry:

**Whipped™:**

 

 **junhuit:** L EA V E ME AL O N E

 

-❀-

 

 **emonemo:** so i was on a walk with soonchan right

 **emonemo:** and chan said smth along the lines of

 **emonemo:** "wow this river looks so beautiful at night"

 **emonemo:** so our buddy soonyoung here just

 **emonemo:** picks up a rock and

 **emonemo:** aggressively throws it into the river

 **emonemo:** yelling "take that you fucking river"

 

 **junhuit:** wow goals

 

 **salthao:** junhui stop telling the cabinets they look lovely this evening

 **salthao:** im not fighting an inanimate object for you

 

 **junhuit:** damn

 

 **maybelline:** that's real desperate are yall sure your relationship is ok

 

 **salthao:** we're just peachy hyung

 

-❀-

 

 **callmesoon:** can yall believe

 **callmesoon:** that seungkwan has been whipped for hansol since the eighth grade and they're just now fucking

 

 **hansolbling:** what

 

 **jeju's bitch:** CHAN DID YOU JUST RAT ME OUT

 

 **therealest:** pffft no

 

 **callmesoon:** i mean,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

 **therealest:** what,,,,

 **therealest:** me,,,,,,,

 

 **callmesoon:** no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

 **therealest:** rat you out,,,

 **therealest:** ahaha,,,,

 

 **callmesoon:** no never,,,,,,,,,,

 

 **jeju's bitch:** iN MY OWN HOME

 **jeju's bitch:** IN FRONT OF M Y SALAD

 

 **_therealest_ ** _has left the chat_

 

-❀-

 

 **emonemo:** mingyu

 **emonemo:** miinngyyuuuu

 **emonemo:** minnie my head hurts come cuddle with me

 

 **actualsun:** in pain wonwoo equals affectionate wonwoo

 **actualsun:** can relate

 

 **Whipped™:** but you're affectionate to everyone 24/7?????

 

 **actualsun:** i was talking abt you hoonie

 

 **Whipped™:** o h

 

 **emonemo:** mIINNGY UUUuUU

 **emonemo:** wow i cant believe this

 **emonemo:** my own boyfriend

 **emonemo:** the love of my life

 **emonemo:** the man i stick my dick in

 

 **actualsun:** T M I

 

 **emonemo:** has left me

 **emonemo:** betrayed me

 **emonemo:** probably already on his way to fucking mexico to start a new life under the name of esteban julio ricardo montoya de la rosa ramírez

 

 **mingew:** OMG WONWOO IM SORRY I WAS MAKING DINOSAUR CHICKEN NUGGETS

 

 **actualsun:** dino

 

 ** **Whipped™:** ** dino

 

 **emonemo:** d i n o

 

 **mingew:** so proud of my boy chan for starting his own nugget line

 **mingew:** WOW DID WE ALL JUST THINK THE SAME THING

 

 **actualsun:** soulmates????????????????????????

 

 **emonemo:** meant to be??????????

 

 **Whipped™:** a miracle?????????????

 

 **mingew:** destined???????

 

 **actualsun:** written in stone??????????????????

 

 **emonemo:** recorded in the books???????????

 

 ** **Whipped™:**   **running out of things to say????????

 

 **mingew:** possibly????????

 

 **actualsun:** [words]????????????

 

 **emonemo:** [muffled crying]???????????????????????

 

-❀-

 

 **junhuit:** so um

 **junhuit:** remember when i burnt my instant ramen

 

 **maybelline:** how could we forget

 

 **junhuit:** wel l

 **junhuit:** you see

 **junhuit:** i was eating some of mingyu's dinosaur nuggets

 

 **mingew:** you were what now

 

 **junhuit:** and i uh

 **junhuit:** mig h t hav e

 

 **maybelline:** omg did you burn the nuggets

 

 **junhuit:** no i

 **junhuit:** i burnt my ketchup?????

**junhuit:**

 

 **maybelline:** im

 **maybelline:** wow

 **maybelline:** im actually fucking speechless

 

 **mingew:** junhui

 **mingew:** why

 **mingew:** in gods name

 **mingew:** DID YOU LEAVE THE KETCHUP ON THERE

 **mingew:** DID YOU THINK IT WAS GONNA ADD MORE SPICE HM

 

 **junhuit:** NO LISTEN I CAN EXPLAIN THIS

 

 **mingew:** MAYBE A LITTLE MORE FIRE TO IT

 

 **junhuit:** I HAVE AN EXPLANATION

 

 **maybelline:** bultaoreune

 

 **mingew:** EXPLAIN

 

 **junhuit:** AIGHT SO

 **junhuit:** I FINISHED MY FIRST ROUND OF NUGGETS AND I WAS STILL HUNGRY

 **junhuit:** SO I GET SOME MORE AND POP THEM INTO THE MICROWAVE

 **junhuit:** NOW THE KETCHUP LEFT OVER WAS LITERALLY STREAKS

 **junhuit:** LIKE THERE WAS BARELY ANYTHING ON THE PLATE

 **junhuit:** BUT WHEN I PULLED MY DINOSAUR NUGGETS OUT OF THE MICROWAVE

 **junhuit:** I SMELT SOMETHING BURNING

 **junhuit:** IT WAS MY KETCHUP STREAKS

 

 **mingew:** I M

 

 **maybelline:** just junhui things

 

-❀-

 

 **callmesoon:** exo are legends

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i thought you were a shinee fanboy

 

 **callmesoon:** i am

 **callmesoon:** but i know how to appreciate art

 **callmesoon:** and oh boY

 **callmesoon:** IS SWEET LIES ART

 

 **actualsun:** I HAVE YET TO HEAR ANYTHING FROM THE REPACKAGE

 

 **callmesoon:** HOLY SHIT SWEET LIES IS JUST

**callmesoon:**

**callmesoon:**

**callmesoon:**

**callmesoon:**

**callmesoon:**

**callmesoon:**

**callmesoon:**

**callmesoon:** NEW VERSION OF THE EVE BUT NUTTIER

 

 **actualsun:** I LISTENED TO IT

 **actualsun:** THE FUCKIN

 **actualsun:** HARMONIZATION

 **actualsun:** HOLY SHIT NUT

**actualsun:**

****

 

-❀-

 

 **dad:** someone please tell hansol to stop talking abt his mixtape

 

 **hansolbling:** hey u don't even know how to spit bars old man my tracks r lit af i rap hard thug life pull up on ur wacks lmao

 

 **dad:** i can't live like this

 

-❀-

 

 **salthao:** school starts,,,in four days,,,,

 **salthao:** i don't think i can go on

 **salthao:** this is the end for me guys

 **salthao:** farewell

 

 **Whipped™:** thank god

 **Whipped™:** thats one down

 **Whipped™:** eleven more to go

 

 **actualsun:** what abt me :00

 

 **Whipped™:** .....

 **Whipped™:** ten*

 

 **actualsun:** :DD

 

-❀-

 

 **therealest"** how many times have we seen the same bird?

 **therealest:** if you say something is indescribable aren't you describing it??

 **therealest:** how do we know that our memories are true????

 **therealest:** what would a room of mirrors look like if there was nothing to reflect except other mirrors?

 

 **hongkong:** chan go the fuck to sleep

 **hongkong:** it is 3:30 in the morning

 

 **therealest:** i cant stop thinking abt it

 

 **hongkong:** why are you even up at this hour anyway? i thought you went to bed earlier with soonyoung?

 

 **therealest:** i did but i woke up like an hour ago  

 

 **hongkong:** you should be sleeping chan

 

 **therealest:** i should be a lot of things but i live to disappoint

 

 **hongkong:** chan

 **hongkong:** why don't you wake up soonyoung if you're having trouble sleeping? doesn't he usually help you fall asleep?

 

 **therealest:** yeah but he seemed really tired today, i don't wanna keep him away from the needed rest

 

 **hongkong:** he's gonna see this chat in the morning and you know he'll feel bad knowing that you were suffering and he couldn't help

 **hongkong:** he would much rather have you wake him up so he can help rather than just letting him sleep

 **hongkong:** you and i both know that

 

 **therealest:** yeah you're right

 **therealest:** thanks hyung for talking to me even at this hour

 

 **hongkong:** anytime, im always here if you need me

 

 **therealest:** goodnight hyung

 

 **hongkong:** goodnight chan

 

-❀-

 

 **mingew:** im wet

 

 **salthao:** thanks for sharing but we dont need to know what you do with wonwoo

 

 **mingew:** no like

 **mingew:** im actually wet

 **mingew:** from water

 

 **salthao:** why the fuck are you all wet

 **salthao:** it's not raining or anything

 

 **mingew:** i fell into a river

 

 **salthao:** how

 **salthao:** how do you just

 **salthao:** fall into a river

 **salthao:** i mean i know you're clumsy but

 

 **mingew:** well i was at the park

 **mingew:** and i saw this really cute dog so naturally i went to go pet it

 

 **salthao:** naturally

 

 **mingew:** but before i got there i tripped

 **mingew:** and fell into the river

 **mingew:** so now im all wet and cold

 

 **salthao:** sigh

 **salthao:** hang on i'll go tell wonwoo to drive us to pick ur ass up

 

 **mingew:** ily :D

 

 **salthao:** mm

 

-❀-

 

 **jeju's bitch:** minghao's and junhui's mom's just sent me old photos of them on facebook

 

 **salthao:** wtf

 

 **junhuit:** why are you friends with our mothers on fb

 

 **jeju's bitch:** why not

 

 **maybelline:** send em over boo

 

 **jeju's bitch:** im only sending one of each

 **jeju's bitch:** im keeping the rest for personal blackmail purposes

 

 **Whipped™:** understandable

 

**jeju's bitch:  
**

****

**jeju's bitch:**

****

 

 **maybelline:** HAO OHMYGOD

 

 **dad:** WERE YOU ACTUALLY TELLING THE TRUTH ABT BEING IN A GANG WHEN YOU LIVED IN CHINA????

 

 **salthao:** nah we were just some edgy kids who learned martial arts

 **salthao:** i was offered to be a part of a gang once tho when i was in the seventh grade

 

 **Whipped™:** wen likes em bad

 

 **junhuit:** i do

 

 **callmesoon:** junhui and his crew look like Good Church Children™

 

 **maybelline:** wait we gotta ask an actual church child

 **maybelline:** jisoo can we confirm

 

 **hongkong:** can confirm

 

 **junhuit:** i hate all of you

 

-❀-

 

 **_junhuit_ ** _changed their username to **junhui**_

_**junhui** has left the chat  
_

 

-❀-

 

**chat: junhui (2)**

 

 **salthao:** hey junnie where are you?

 **salthao:** i havent seen you since dinner

 **salthao:** the others said they thought they saw you head back up to our room but you aren't there

 **salthao:** or anywhere else in the house

 **salthao:** it's fine if you went somewhere i just wanna know that you weren't ya know

 **salthao:** kidnapped or anything

 **salthao:** oh,,

 **salthao:** you left the group chat???

 **salthao:** and you changed your username

 **salthao:** did i ever tell you that i found out what it means? i bullied it out of soonyoung

 **salthao:** apparently it's our two names put together

 **salthao:** or at least your name and one of my nicknames

 **salthao:**....

 **salthao:** it's been two hours and you haven't come back or even contacted me yet

 **salthao:** we head back to campus tomorrow bc soonyoung's uncle said we can't stay in the house any longer bc smth came up

 **salthao:** pls don't stay out too late

 **salthao:** i uh

 **salthao:** i love you

 

-❀-

 

**chat: i kinda sort maybe like you a teeny tiny bit (12)**

 

 **salthao:** hey has junhui texted any of you??

 

 **therealest:** no i haven't heard from him

 **therealest:** is he still out

 

 **salthao:** yeah im really starting to worry

 

 **dad:** he's probably just out in town

 **dad:** it's our last day in busan he may be looking around

 

 **maybelline:** yeah his phone is probably just dead

 **maybelline:** we all know that he always forgets to charge it

 

 **emonemo:** im sure he'll be fine hao

 

 **salthao:** i hope so

 

-❀-

 

**chat: salthao (2)**

 

 **junhui:** my mother's forcing me to move back to china

 

-❀-

 

**chat: i kinda sort maybe like you a teeny tiny bit (12)**

 

 **salthao:** guys

 **salthao:** junhui's gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry
> 
> anyway here's that weekend chapter i promised. it's currently past 2am and im tired so lmao thanks for reading sweet lies is a nutty bop bye


	10. d is for dinosaur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **salthao:** just be happy he went easy on you bc you're the youngest  
>  **salthao:** he would've torn me or anyone else apart  
>  **salthao:** except maybe mingyu  
>  **dinosaur♡:** nah especially mingyu  
>  **salthao:** yeah u right

**_chat: i kinda sort maybe like you a teeny tiny bit (12)_ **

 

 **salthao:** guys

 **salthao:** junhui's gone

 

 **hongkong:** WHAT

 

 **therealest:** what do you mean he's gone???

 **therealest:** please tell me you mean he's just gone out to the store or smth

 

 **salthao:** i wish that's what i meant

 

 **dad:** so im assuming he texted you back then

 

 **salthao:** hardly

 

 **maybelline:** what did he say

 

 **salthao:** hang on i'll send a screenshot of the chat

**salthao:**

****

**salthao:**

****

**salthao:**

 

 **hongkong:**  wow

 **hongkong:** so he's really leaving

 

 **mingew:** what reason could his mother possibly have to make him go back to china

 **mingew:** especially since school starts in a few days

 **mingew:** he can't just leave without letting someone know ahead of time

 

 **callmesoon:** he did

 

 **salthao:** im sorry?

 

 **callmesoon:** junhui told the school that he was leaving to go back home to china two weeks ago

 

 **maybelline:** you knew he was leaving for two weeks and didn't bother telling any of us?

 **maybelline:** you didn't even think to mention something when hao was practically having a breakdown earlier?

 

 **callmesoon:** don't start attacking me

 **callmesoon:** it's not my place to tell any of you and i promised junhui i wouldn't mention it

 

 **salthao:** well could you let us in on the secret now bc i'd really like to know why my boyfriend is leaving the country 

 

 **callmesoon:** um how about no

 

 **dad:** you know you don't have to be such an asshole about it

 **dad:** i think at least minghao has a right to know

 

 **therealest:** stop attacking soonyoung like it's his fault junhui is gone

 **therealest:** he did the right thing by not telling you guys

 

 **salthao:** you're only saying that because you're soonyoung's bitch

 

 **hongkong:** hey now that's uncalled for

 

 **therealest:** say what you want minghao but soonyoung promised junhui he'd stay quiet about it and that's what he did

 **therealest:** you all read what junhui said in his conversation with hao

 **therealest:** it's pretty obvious he doesn't want him to know

 **therealest:** so how about instead of attacking other people for something _your_ boyfriend did why don't you wait until he tells you himself

 **therealest:** now while you try and get that through your head im going to bed

 

 ** _therealest_**   _left the chat_

 

-❀- _  
_

 

**_chat: therealest (2)_ **

 

 **callmesoon:**  you didn't have to say all that for me

 **callmesoon:** i understand that he's just upset

 

 **therealest:** whether he's upset or not doesn't matter

 **therealest:** he shouldn't be blaming other people for something they have no control over

 **therealest:** you did the right thing by not telling them

 

 **callmesoon:** but aren't you curious too

 

 **therealest:** of course im curious

 **therealest:** but junhui's my friend and i trust and respect his decisions

 **therealest:** if he doesn't want us to know why he left there has to be a good reason

 

 **callmesoon:** wow i love you

 **callmesoon:** and thank you for defending me in the chat even though you didn't have to

 **callmesoon:** my fierce little dino always ready to attack

 

 **therealest:** no stop

 

 **callmesoon:** lee dino

 

 **therealest:** pls that nickname is so old

 

 _ **callmesoon** changed **therealest's**  username to **dinosaur**_ _♡_

 

 **dinosaur** ♡:i hate you **  
**

 

 **callmesoon:** ₍₍ ( ๑॔˃̶◡ ˂̶๑॓)◞♡

 

 _ **dinosaur** _ _♡_ _c_ _hanged **callmesoon's**  username to **hoshi** ☆  
_

 

 **hoshi** ☆:i hate you _ ** _  
_**_

 

 **dinosaur** ♡:₍₍ ( ๑॔˃̶◡ ˂̶๑॓)◞♡

 

-❀- _  
_

 

**_chat: dinosaur♡ (2)  
_ **

 

 **salthao:** hey uh

 **salthao:** i want to apologize for what i said earlier in the chat

 **salthao:** im just really lost and confused right now

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  im not the one you should be apologizing to

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  but i understand why you said what you said

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** i mean your boyfriend did just leave and go to china

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  sorry that probably doesn't help

 

 **salthao:** not really but i can't deny the truth

 **salthao:** after thinking about it for awhile i've realized that i don't even need to know why he left

 **salthao:** i just wanna know if he's coming back

 **salthao:** or what this means for our relationship

 **salthao:** does him moving back to china mean he's also breaking up with me?

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  don't jump to those kinds of conclusions

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  it'll only make you feel worse

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i wish i could tell you something to reassure you but i know just as little as you do

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  soonyoung really hasn't told anyone

 

 **salthao:** im not surprised

 **salthao:** he takes promises seriously

 **salthao:** like this one time in the middle of last year i made him promise not to tell wonwoo that i was the one who accidentally ruined his book

 **salthao:** and he's still kept it this whole time

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  waIT THAT WAS YOU

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  DUDE I WAS IN DEEP SHIT BC OF YOU BC SOMEONE CONVINCED HIM IT WAS ME WHO RUINED IT

 

 **salthao:** oh yeah i convinced him it was you

 

 **dinosaur♡:**  RAT

 

 **salthao:** just be happy he went easy on you bc you're the youngest

 **salthao:** he would've torn me or anyone else apart

 **salthao:** except maybe mingyu

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  nah especially mingyu

 

 **salthao:** yeah u right

 **salthao:** anyway thanks for talking some sense into me

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** of course man i've got your back

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** if you ever need someone to talk to just message me

 

 **salthao:** i will

 

-❀- _  
_

 

_**chat: hoshi** ☆ **(2)  
**_

 

 **salthao:** im sorry for attacking you like i did

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  no im sorry i was being an asshole about it

 

 **salthao:** you really weren't

 **salthao:** if anything i was the asshole

 **salthao:** you made a promise to junhui and all you did was stand by it

 **salthao:** and i made it sound like it was your fault he left

 

 **hoshi** ☆:just give him time hao

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  he'll come around

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i promise he won't disappear forever

 

 **salthao:** i really hope you can keep this promise like you've kept all the others

 

-❀- ** _  
_**

 

**_chat: i kinda sort maybe like you a teeny tiny bit (12)_ **

 

_**jeju's bitch** changed the chat name to **yikes **™**  
**_

 

 **hansolbling:** babe pls

 

 **jeju's bitch:** im sorry but the chat name wasn't fitting anymore it had to be done

 

 **Whipped™:**  i dont wanna match with the gc name

 

_**jeju's bitch** changed **Whipped™'s**  username to **jihoe**_

 

 **jeju's bitch:**  happy now mr.picky

 

 **jihoe:** how is this any better

 

 **actualsun:** i like it

 

 **jihoe:** what don't you like

 

 **emonemo:** TRUE

 

 **actualsun:** i just don't see the point in hating something :(

 

 **maybelline:** and there's nothing wrong with that sunshine you just keep doing you

 **maybelline:** don't let the big kids tear you down

 

 **mingew:** what are we kindergartners

 

 **maybelline:** yall sure act like a bunch of kindergartners

 

 **hongkong:** roasted

 

 **dinosaur** ♡:hyung pls never say roasted again **  
**

 

 **hoshi** ☆:i second that

 

 **hongkong:** offended

 

 **dad:** when did you two change your names

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  like

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  two hours ago

 

 **jihoe:** DINOSAUR

 **jihoe:** DINO

 **jihoe:** I MISSED DINO

 

 **salthao:** im not following why are we talking abt dinosaurs

 **salthao:** and why does jihoon like them sm

 **salthao:** i thought of him as more of an insect type of kid instead of dinosaurs

 

 **emonemo:** ah that's right

 **emonemo:** hao wasn't with us yet when it happened

 

 **salthao:** when what happened

 **salthao:** someone pls explain

 

 **dad:** gladly

 **dad:** it was the halloween of chan's junior year of high school

 **dad:** considering most of us where already in college then jeonghan decided to throw a college party for the holiday

 **dad:** and we drove home to pick up chan so he could party with us bc we all missed the baby

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** ahem

 

 **dad:** ah sorry my bad

 **dad:** soonyoung missed his baby

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  it's true i did

 

 ** **dinosaur**** ♡ **:**  that's not what i was referring to but ok

 

 **salthao:** wait how long have the two of you been dating

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  we've been dating since chan's sophomore year of high school but we had been neighbors since kindergarten

 

 **hongkong:** jeonghan likes to believe that that's how long they've actually been together

 

 **maybelline:** listen yall didn't know them as kids

 **maybelline:** they were practically married by the time chan started first grade

 **maybelline:** ask jihoon he was there too

 

 **jihoe:** it's true

 

 **dad:** back to my story

 

 **salthao:** right sorry

 

 **dad:** so the year before the party, we had all played a game and the bet we made was that the loser had to wear a costume picked by the rest of the group to the following halloween party

 **dad:** and chan lost

 

 **salthao:** let me guess

 **salthao:** jeonghan and/or seungkwan chose the costume

 

 **jeju's bitch:** actually it was jihoon

 

 **salthao:** what

 

 **jihoe:** yeah i made him wear a dinosaur costume

 

 **salthao:** why a dinosaur

 

 **jihoe:** as a kid chan was really into dinosaurs and he used to try and act all big and tough bc he hated being babied

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** still do

 

 **jihoe:** so i picked a dinosaur costume

 

 **dad:** and of course since chan was only in high school during this time everyone at the party treated him like a precious baby and started calling him dino

 **dad:** it's jihoon's favorite nickname for him but we haven't used it in awhile bc chan made us stop

 

 **jihoe:** i can't believe im saying this but bless soonyoung for bringing it back

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i got you

 

 **salthao:** and where did hoshi come from

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  soonyoung was a space nerd

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  he had glow in the dark stars stuck to his ceiling and everything

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  one summer he went on a trip to japan and when he came back he insisted everyone started calling him hoshi bc he had learned it meant star in japanese

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  they all make fun of me for it to this day

 

 **salthao:** does anyone else have a nickname?

 

 **hansolbling:** we all have scarring nicknames

 

 **salthao:** tbh im glad i didn't know you guys back then

 **salthao:** who knows what kind of nickname i'd be stuck with

 

 **emonemo:** with all due time my friend

 **emonemo:** with all due time

 

-❀- ** _ _  
__**

**ajunice**

****

Liked by **ksoonyoung** , **leehoonie** , **mingming97,** and **7,293 others**

 **ajunice** happy to be back home ♡

_view all 631 comments_

**ksoonyoung** i hope you enjoy yourself!!

 **mingming97** why is the airport sign so extra

 **s.coupss** make sure to take care of yourself or i'll kill you

  

**ksoonyoung**

****

Liked by **s.coupss, 1004hannie, mingming97,** and **10,769 others**

 **ksoonyoung** @leechans you're so cute babe

_view all 841 comments_

**leechans** DELETE THIS

 **ksoonyoung** @leechans suddenly i cant read, i dont know

 **1004hannie** look how precious my son is

 **leehoonie** stan visuals stan chan

 **rapgodchoi** WOW THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND FUCK IT UP BEST FRIEND

 

**leechans**

****

Liked by **leehoonie, rapgodchoi, s.coupss,** and **7,094 others**

 **leechans** throwback to when we were fetuses

_view all 783 comments_

**ksoonyoung** why

 **leehoonie** IM LAUGHING NICE HAIR SOONYOUNG

 **kwanbooboo** wow where's my pic creds

 **leechans** @kwanbooboo sorry who are you??

 

**leehoonie**

Liked by **leechans, kwanbooboo, sunminn,** and **10,072 others**

 **leehoonie** he's the sun that shines even on the cloudiest days

_view all 1,307 comments_

**kwanbooboo** did seokmin ghost write the caption

 **sunminn** @kwanbooboo WHY DO YOU ASSUME I WROTE IT

 **ksoonyoung** @kwanbooboo @sunminn jihoon writes sad

ass songs i can 100% believe he wrote the caption

 **leechans** king of photoshoots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally changed chan's god awful username im sorry it was there for so long
> 
> anyway do you guys like the whole instagram thing? i needed smth to put at the end of the chapter bc if i added more chats it would've ended up making this chapter too long (and yes, jihoon's profile pic id seokmin (minnie's is jihoon) i love boyfriends)
> 
> im sorry i took so long to update this, i've been really busy with school work this week and i was going to update friday, but i didn't feel good and had gone home sick :( but here's an update! i know i said there wasn't really going to be much angst (or plot in general) but i needed something and angst happened to be that something. it'll probably last around two to three more chapters, not including this one. the chapters won't be full of angst tho dw i haven't forgotten that this is a meme fic 
> 
> this is getting long but i just want to say thank you for making the last chapter the chapter with the most comments (i think) even tho most of them where "what the fuck" ah a
> 
> also!!! thank you for almost 200 kudos!! i can't?? believe?? so many people?? liked this?? shitstorm????


	11. top daddy mingyu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **dinosaur♡:** listen idk abt the rest of you but i've been the president of the top daddy mingyu fanclub since day one  
>  **dinosaur♡:** we're always welcoming new members  
>  **hansolbling:** i'd like an application  
>  **jihoe:** i'd like to leave the group  
>  **emonemo:** i'd like to die

**_chat: junhui (2)_ **

 

 **salthao:** i know i told the others i would wait until you're ready but

 **salthao:** i just can't do it

 **salthao:** fuck baby i miss you so much

 **salthao:** it didn't hit me until i was laying in bed

 **salthao:** all alone without you

 **salthao:** to realize exactly what happened

 **salthao:** you're in _china_ junhui

 **salthao:** and im still in south korea

 **salthao:** i know i have the others here with me but it's not the same without you here too

 **salthao:** i..

 **salthao:** you don't need to tell me why you left if you're not ready

 **salthao:** but please give me _something_

 

 **junhui:** my father's in the hospital

 **junhui:** he has some kind of terminal illness

 **junhui:** to tell you the truth i kind of blanked out during the whole explanation because i was so shocked

 **junhui:** im really sorry i didn't say anything to you and i wish i didn't have to leave you

 **junhui:** the only reason soonyoung knows is because he was with me when i got the call from my mom

 **junhui:** i've known for two weeks and i was prepared to fly back home the minute i got off the phone with her

 **junhui:** but she made me promise to finish the rest of the semester

 **junhui:** i just...

 **junhui:** they don't think he's gonna make it hao

 

 **salthao:** oh sweetheart

 **salthao:** i really wish i could hold you and tell you everything is gonna be alright

 **salthao:** hell if i could i'd be on a plane on my way to china as early as tomorrow but i know i can't do that

 

 **junhui:** and you don't have to do all that

 **junhui:** all i need is for you to be there when i need you

 

 **salthao:** always

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: hoshi☆ (2)** _

 

 **junhui:** i told hao

 **junhui:** he was really understanding

 **junhui:** he wasn't even mad that i just up and left him like that

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** hao may be a snake sometimes but he's not an awful person

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i wasn't expecting anything less

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** what about the others? are you gonna tell them?

 

 **junhui:** that's actually why i messaged you in the first place

 **junhui:** i want you to tell them for me

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  wowow are you sure??

 

 **junhui:** soonyoung you're my best friend

 **junhui:** you've been there for me since i found out about this whole thing

 **junhui:** i'm sure

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** okay

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  go and get some rest

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  it's pretty late 

 

 **junhui:** yeah ok

 **junhui:** goodnight soon

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** nighty night junnie

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: yikes **™ (12)**_ **

 

 ** **hoshi**** ☆ ** **:**** hey are all of you guys free this afternoon

 

 **dinosaur** ♡:im free

 

 **hongkong:** im going out with jeonghan and seungcheol to get a new couch for our apartment but we should be done by two

 

 **mingew:** why yall need a new couch

 

 **maybelline:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **mingew:** nasty

 **mingew:** but wonwoo and i are aren't doing anything

 

 **emonemo:**  i actually had plans

 

 **mingew:** not anymore bitch

 

 **jeju's bitch:** and here i was

 **jeju's bitch:** thinking that wonwoo was the top

 **jeju's bitch:** i see i was mistaken

 

 **emonemo:** tf i am the top

 

 **mingew:** not with that attitude you aren't

 

 **actualsun:** when did mingyu get so

 **actualsun:** what's the word

 

 **dad:** mother like?

 

 **actualsun:** nah but it's smth like that

 

 **hansolbling:** daddy?

 

 **actualsun:** yeah that

 

 **jihoe:** oh my god

 **jihoe:** siri how do i erase something from my memory

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  listen idk abt the rest of you but i've been the president of the top daddy mingyu fan club since day one

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  we're always welcoming new members

 

 **hansolbling:** i'd like an application

 

 **jihoe:** i'd like to leave the group

 

 **emonemo:** i'd like to die

 

 **mingew:** only chan's believed in me since day one

 **mingew:** disappointed but not surprised

 

**jihoe:**

**jihoe:** im this close to leaving this chat and not coming back

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  anything for daddy mingyu 

 

**jihoe:**

****

 

_**jihoe** has left the chat _

_**jeju's bitch** added **jihoe** to **yikes **™  
**** _

 

 ** **jeju's bitch:**** can't escape that easy you fucker

 

 ** **hoshi**** ☆ ** **:**** guys

 

 **dad:** right we're here for a reason

 **dad:** yeah i think we're all free what's up

 

 ** **hoshi**** ☆ ** **:**** i need to tell you guys something

 ** **hoshi**** ☆ ** **:**** minus hao bc he already knows

 ** **hoshi**** ☆: you don't have to come hao

 

 **salthao:** oh thank god

 

 **maybelline:** omg are you pregnant

 

 **jeju's bitch:** jeonghan he'd have to be a bottom for that and we all know soonyoung is top af

 **jeju's bitch:** we all know very well

 

 **emonemo:** he'd also have to be female but sure let's ignore that fact

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  not our fault you guys can't knock first

 

 ** **hoshi☆:**** guYS

 

 **maybelline:** sorry sorry

 **maybelline:** when and where do you wanna meet?

 

 ** **hoshi**** ☆ ** **:****  my place at 4?

 

 **dad:** we'll be there

 **dad:** right kids?

 

 **hansolbling:** yes

 

 **actualsun:** yes

 

 **mingew:** yes

 

 **jeju's bitch:** yes

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  lmao already there

 

 **emonemo:** yes

 

 **jihoe:** wtf you're not my dad

 

 **dad:** right jihoon?

 

 **jihoe:** yes sir

 

 **hansolbling:** me, softly: holy shit

 

-☆-

 

 **dad:** soonyoung we're here

 **dad:** are you and chan decent

 

 ** **hoshi**** ☆ ** **:**** not morally but we have clothes on if that's what you're asking

 

 **dad:** good enough for me

 

-☆-

 

 **jihoe:**  ok as much as i hate this fucking gc

 **jihoe:** no one's said anything in two fucking days

 **jihoe:** all of you have been acting depressing as hell and im sick of it

 **jihoe:** i get that it's a horrible thing okay i don't feel all that great either

 **jihoe:** but do you guys really think junhui would want us to completely shut everything out

 **jihoe:** bc if i know anything abt junhui it's that this is the last thing he'd want to happen

 **jihoe:** he didn't want us to know just so we could mope around 24/7

 **jihoe:** so everyone get your asses back here and send some memes or quote vines or something

 

 **mingew:**  seungcheol you better talk to him before I do because imma hurt his feelings

 

 **jihoe:** stop

 

 **mingew:** -i coulda dropped my croissant

 

 **jihoe:** i take back everything i said

 

 **mingew:** what the FUCK is up jihoon

 

 **jihoe:** mingyu

 

 **mingew:**  no what did you say dude what the FUCK dude step the FUCK up JIHOON

 

 **jihoe:** im leaving

 

 **mingew:** i thought you were bae

 **mingew:** turns out you're just fam

 

 **actualsun:** mingyu, vines #1 stan

 

-☆-

 

 **jeju's bitch:** EH OH EH

 

 ** **hoshi**** ☆ ** **:****  CALL ME THE DEVIL WITH GUCCI

 

 **actualsun:**  CAUSE ONLY BITCHES WEAR PRADA

 

 **jeju's bitch:** IM THE SUPERSONIC KING

 

 ** **hoshi**** ☆ ** **:**  **WITH A SEDUCTIVE PERSO;IA **  
**

 

 **actualsun:** SO DONT EVER THINK THAT YOU CAN GET IT OUT OG MY WAY

 

 **jeju's bitch:**  IVE BEEN WAITING FOR MY LIFE LIONE EVEYRDAY

 

 ** **hoshi**** ☆ ** **:**** GO ANFD SEE YOURE MY HAPPINESS DOWN MY ROAD OF FEAR **  
**

 

 **actualsun:**  SO MUCH MORE THAN PLUTONIC CAUSE I FUDK WITH THE SRTAS

 

 **jeju's bitch:**  OUT OF REACH TO YOU OIH CAUSE I CHILL OUTO WITH MARS

 

 ** **hoshi**** ☆ ** **:**  **NOW I NEVER HOUGHT I COULD BE THE ONE IN MY MIND

 

 **actualsun:**  WHOS BEEN CARRYING HIS WEIHT AND IS SO DIFFICULT TO FIND

 

 **jeju's bitch:**  GO AND SEE YOURE MY HAPPINESS DOWN MY ROAD OF FEAR

 

 ** **hoshi**** ☆ ** **:**** SO PUT YOUR HANDS UP UP IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

 

 **actualsun:**  AND BREAK IT ALL DOINW

 

 **jeju's bitch:** SO GON IN AND PLAY I SEE MY LIFW **  
**

 

 ** **hoshi**** ☆ ** **:**  **YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN I DO IT I ROLL I FLOW I KNOW **  
**

 

 **actualsun:** SEE THE DAYS FALL DOWN **  
**

 

_cut for length_

 

 **hongkong:**  why did i just come back to over 200 messages

 

 **jeju's bitch:** 200 messages of pure ART

 

_**hoshi** ☆renamed the chat **i roll i flow i know**_

 

 **emonemo:** i hate this fucking family

 

 **jihoe:** welcome to the club would you like a pamphlet

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: maybelline (2)  
_ **

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** hey hyung

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  chan went to the grocery store and hasn't come back yet

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  im starting to get worried could you find him for me

 

 **maybelline:** pfft it's not like i have him micro-chipped or something

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** ,,but,,,don't you,,,

 

 **maybelline:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,

 **maybelline:** ,,,yeah hang on

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** everyday i wonder how you're still a free man

 

 **maybelline:** do you want me to find your boyfriend or not

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  yes please i miss him

 

 **maybelline:** how long has he been gone jesus

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  two hours

 

 **maybelline:** ,,,

 **maybelline:** you two are nasty

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  shut up i know we're your favorite couple

 

 **maybelline:** dang ya got me there

 

-☆-

 

 **_chat: dinosaur_** _♡_ **_(2)_ **

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i got jeonghan to admit we're his favorite couple

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  got the screenshots and everything

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  good job partner

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  you know what this means right

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  we can use this against him to get things we want?

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  adding this to the list of reasons i love you

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  you have a list???

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  pssh,,,no,,,,why would i,,,,,

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  soonyoung omg

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  wow my mom's calling me gtg

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  im in the same room as you and your phone isn't ringing??

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  sorry it's really important bye babe

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  you're so lame

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: i roll i flow i know (12)_ **

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** im sad :(

 

 **salthao:** wonwoo dont

 

 **emonemo:** hi sad, im dad

 

 **salthao:** gfdi boi done gone and did it

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** :((

 

 **hongkong:** what's wrong baby

 

 **hansolbling:** everyone treating chan like a baby will never fail to weird me out

 

 **jeju's bitch:** shut up you're just sad they don't baby you instead

 

 **hansolbling:** babe dont expose me like that

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** soonyoung is going to visit his family before school starts :(

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** and i cant go :(

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** bc his sister and her fiance are staying there rn :(

 **dinosaur** ♡: and his parents are still weird abt us sleeping in the same bed :(

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  so i'd have no where to stay :(

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** im sorry baby i wish you could come :(

 

 **dad:** you emo shits are raining on my parade stop with the frowny faces

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  :((((((

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  :(((((((

 

 **dad:** i give up

 

 **hongkong:** chan he'll only be gone for a few days

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i know but im gonna be alone at home

 

 **salthao:** don't you live alone?

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** i have a roommate but he's never there and im almost always at soon's place

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i don't like staying alone bc im always afraid smth is gonna happen

 

 **emonemo:** why don't you just stay with someone else while he's gone

 **emonemo:** no you can't stay with mingyu and i so dont bother asking

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  bullies

 

 **actualsun:** ahh i wish you could stay with us channie but im going with jihoon to see his brother :(

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  it's okay minnie!

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  also i refuse to stay with verkwan

 

 **jeju's bitch:** wtf is wrong with verkwan bitch

 

 **dinosaur♡:** yall only been dating for a few days you probably fuck 27/4

 

 **jeju's bitch:** ijjhfiug

 **jeju's bitch:** c HAN

 

 **hansolbling:** can't deny the truth

 

 **salthao:** ya know there are some things better left unsaid

 **salthao:** that right there is an example

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  jisoo hyuunnnggg

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  please let chan stay with you guys while im gone

 

 **hongkong:** of course he can stay with us

 

 **maybelline:** nOT

 

 **dad:** jeonghan let the poor kid stay jfc

 **dad:** aren't you the one who's constantly saying he's a precious little baby who should be protected at all costs

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  rtrtrtrt

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  um

 

 **maybelline:** which is exactly why he can't stay

 **maybelline:** we can't fuck with a child in our house

 

 **hongkong:** jEONGAHNWIFOJ

 

 **dad:** HOLY SHIT SHUT UP

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** nvm i'll just stay at home

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** like hell you will

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  jeonghan let him stay

 

 **maybelline:** n o

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** jeonghan

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**

**hoshi** ☆ **:**  let him stay

 

 **maybelline:**  welcome to the jihancheol household chan i hope you enjoy your stay :)

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  oh boy so do i

 

 **jihoe:** damn i may have to add soonyoung to my list of potential partners for blackmailing

 

 **actualsun:** hyung where did you come from

 

 **jihoe:** i was lurking

 **jihoe:** you guys were a huge mess on your own so i didn't feel the need to step in and possibly make it worse

 

 **maybelline:** @ me next time

 

-☆-

 

 **_chat: dinosaur_** _♡_ **_(2)_ **

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  hey baby

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  can i ask you something?

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** of course whats up

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  well uh,,,you know how you hate living alone?

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** yeah,,

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  well i was wondering

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  if you wanted to maybe

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  move in with me??

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i mean you said it yourself

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  you're always at my place anyway so it wouldn't really be much of a change

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** you just wouldn't have to see your shitty roommate anymore

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  which is great bc he was an asshole to you anyway and i never liked him

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  chan??

-☆-

 

 **_dinosaur_ ** _♡_ **** _created_ **_'AHHHHH???'_ **

**_dinosaur_** _♡_ _added **jeju's bitch**_ ** _, hongkong, maybelline, actualsun, hansolbling, and jihoe_** _to the chat_

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  AHHHHHHH

 

 **actualsun:** AHHHHHHHHH

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING

 

 **actualsun:**  IDK YOU STARTED IT AND I WANTED TO FEEL INCLUDED

 

 **hongkong:** what happened are you okay?

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** NO IM NOT OKAY IJHJBIJ

 

 **jihoe:** you better not be dying bc im too tired to deal with that shit

 

 **jeju's bitch:** jihoon omg

 **jeju's bitch:** but same

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i miGHT AS WELL BE DYING

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  I MIGHT ACTUALLY ALREADY BE DEAD

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  ILL GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT ONE

 

 **hansolbling:** jesus christ take a breather

 

 **maybelline:** spill the tea what's going on

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  OKAY SO

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  SOONYOUNG

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  MAY OR MAY NOT

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  HAVE JUST ASKED ME

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  TO MOVE IN WITH HIM???

 

 **jihoe:** I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE

 **jihoe:** CHAN OH MY GOD

 **jihoe:** c HA N OH M Y GO D

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  I K N OW

 

 **hansolbling:** but don't you practically live there already??

 

 **jeju's bitch:** HE DO BUT THATS NOT THE POINT BBY KEEP UP

 

 **actualsun:** HE MAY HAVE BEEN STAYING THERE BUT THIS IS SERIOUS

 

 **hongkong:** yeah i remember when seungcheol and jeonghan first asked me to move in with them

 **hongkong:** i thought i'd be fine bc i'd been staying there all the time but

 

 **maybelline:** but he freaked the fuck out

 

 **hongkong:** p much

 

 **jeju's bitch:** moving in with your s/o is taking another step in your relationship

 **jeju's bitch:** suddenly everything stops becoming 'yours' and starts becoming 'ours'

 

 **hansolbling:** isn't that from a marina and the diamonds song

 

 **divaboo:** you're missing the point

 

 **maybelline:** chan what did you say to him

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  what did i say,,,

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  HOLY SHIT I JUST LEFT HIM ON READ

 

 **jihoe:** CHAN WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **hongkong:** THE POOR MAN IS PROBABLY ABOUT TO BREAK DOWN GO ANSWER HIM

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  OKOK IM GOING NOW

 

-☆-

 

 **_chat: hoshi_** _☆_ **_(2)_ **

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** IM HERE

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  SORRY FOR LEAVING YOU ON READ

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** I WAS TRYING NOT TO SCREAM

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  I FAILED

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  holy shit chan don't do that to a man

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i thought you were mad or something

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  why would i be mad at you for asking me to move in with you?

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** idk i thought maybe

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** you would think that we're moving too fast

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** oh baby

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** we've been dating for more than three years

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  to tell you the truth im surprised we aren't already living together

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  so will you then?

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  will i what?

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  please dont make me ask again

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** im waiting

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i take it back you can stay in your dorm

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**

**hoshi** ☆ **:**  loud sighing

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  will you, lee chan, move in with me?

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  gasP

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i thought you'd never ask

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  of course i'll move in with you

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  you're so dramatic oh my god

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i loovvee yoouuu

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  more loud sighing

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i love you too loser

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: AHHHHH??? (7)_ **

 

 **_dinosaur_ ** _♡_ _renamed the chat_ **_'AHHHHH!!!'  
_ **

 

 **dinosaur** ♡:so ya boi is officially moving it with his bf

 

**actualsun:**

 

 

**jeju's bitch:**

 

**hongkong:**

 

**maybelline:**

 

**hansolbling:**

 

**jihoe:**

**jihoe:**

 

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  im so happy rn that im not even gonna mention that jihoon hyung used not one

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  but two memes

 

 **hansolbling:** you just did tho

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  you right

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  jihoon hyung u better share ur secret meme stash with me

 

 **jihoe:** remind me later

 

 **jeju's bitch:** today is a great day

 

 **hongkong:** when are you moving all your stuff?

 

 **maybelline:** and can we help??

 **maybelline:** (pls say yes)

 

 **hongkong:** (yes pls do i dont wanna listen to him whine)

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** of course you can

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i always need my soonchan fan club

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i

 **jeju's bitch:** i wanna deny it but i cant because it's so fucking true

 

 **jihoe:** it is fuck

 

 **maybelline:** soonchan are just so soft

 **maybelline:** they melt my cold heart

 

 **jihoe:** obviously not enough

 

 **maybelline:** true

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  ahhhhh i cant sit still idk why this excites me so much

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i think im gonna head to bed

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  soonyoung leaves in the morning and i need to steal all the cuddles from him that i can before he goes

 

 **actualsun:** goodnight channie!!

 

 **maybelline:** yes go smother your bf with affection

 

 **jeju's bitch:** goodnight!

 **jeju's bitch:** hansol left to go pee but he said gn too

 

 **hongkong:** goodnight chan sleep tight

 

 **jihoe:** night kiddo

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** goodnight!!!

 

 **maybelline:** ya know

 **maybelline:** for most people

 **maybelline:** if their lover was leaving they'd have sex or at least make out

 **maybelline:** but not soonchan

 

 **hongkong:** jeon g ha n

 

 **jeju's bitch:** not soonchan

 

 **actualsun:** their relationship is so soft that even i can't relate

 

 **jihoe:** ^

 

 **hongkong:** it's hard to have a soft relationship when one of your boyfriends is jeonghan

 

 **maybelline:** ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt realize how many times i used baby until i was editing it oops  
> anyway i wrote this whole thing listening to chuck on repeat so blame that for the reason there's only a little bit of angst bc idk how to explain the rest of the chapter  
> thanks for 200 kudos and listen to bts' new mini album love yourself mic drop is fucking lit  
> alSO CHANGE UP COMES OUT TOMORROW SUPPORT SVT


	12. yaoi hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **emonemo:** I CANT STOP LOOKING AT IT  
>  **hoshi☆:** STPOIPO  
>  **hoshi☆:** poipo  
>  **hoshi☆:** im calling the poipo on u and ur fucking yaoi hands

**_chat: hoshi☆ (2)_ **

 

 **junhui:** hey soonyoung

 **junhui:** could you add me back to the gc

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i thOUGHT YOUD NEVER ASK YEAH BOI

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  but like are you sure?? i can't promise everyone won't attack you with questions

 

 **junhui:** yeah im sure

 **junhui:** i left without a proper goodbye and i miss them

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  aight then

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  uno momento

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: i roll i flow i know (12)_ **

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  alright listen up you fuckers **  
**

**hoshi** ☆ **:**  im adding junhui back to the chat and what we not gonna do is attack him questions

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  understood??

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  YES SIR

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  HURRY UP I MISSED MY FAVORITE HYUNG

 

 **maybelline:** wow ok

 

 **hongkong:** disappointed but not surprised

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** smh chan i thought what we had was real

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  just add him back loser

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  im so tired of all this fucking disrespec t

 

_**hoshi** ☆ added **junhui**  to **' roll i flow i know**_

_**hoshi** ☆ changed **junhui's**  username to **ajunice**_

 

 **ajunice:** lame ass you just copied my instagram name

 **ajunice:** also what does the gc name even mean

 

 **emonemo:**  you dont wanna know

 

 **ajunice:** yeah you probably right

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  INHALES

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  JUNHUI

 

 **ajunice:** EXHALES

 **ajunice:** CHAN

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  I MISSED YOU SM I WAS ALL AL O N E

 

 **jeju's bitch:** wtf are we not good enough

 

 **ajunice:** I MISSED YOU TOO MY FAVORITE DONGSAENG

 

 **salthao:** can yall stop blowing up my phone im tryin to take a nap

 

 **ajunice:** nice to see you too hao

 

 **salthao:** KUHFIUGFOUG

 **salthao:** JUNHUI BABY

 **salthao:** YOU'RE BACK

 

 **ajunice:** I'M BACK

 

 **salthao:** I LOVE YOU

 

 **ajunice:** I LOVE YOU TOO

 

 **jihoe:** nasty

 

 **actualsun:** stfu jihoon and stop acting all tough like you didn't just finish crying over me before you

 

 **jihoe:** FUCK YOU THAT SHITS SAD MAN

 **jihoe:** THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO END IT LIKE THAT

 

 **dad:** RIGHT

 **dad:** WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT ENDING WAS THAT

 **dad:** I DIDN'T PAY MONEY TO CRY

 

 **jihoe:** FINALLY SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS

 **jihoe:** FUCK EMOTIONS MAN

 

 **dad:** FUCK EMOTIONS

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: hongkong (2)** _

 

 **hansolbling:** yo josh

 **hansolbling:** are seungcheol or jeonghan home

 

 **hongkong:** no jeonghan's at work and seungcheol had some shit to do

 **hongkong:** wasn't really listening to him tbh

 **hongkong:** why what's up

 

 **hansolbling:** oh thank fuck

 **hansolbling:** im bored outta my mind and everyone is busy and i have no one to play video games with

 **hansolbling:** pls let me come over

 

 **hongkong:** sure why not

 **hongkong:** im getting pretty bored too

 

 **hansolbling:** bless up

 

 **hongkong:** don't bother bringing anything

 **hongkong:** i just got this new game that's from japan and it's supposed to be real weird and messed up

 **hongkong:** wanna try it out??

 

 **hansolbling:** you don't even gotta ask

 

-☆-

 

 **hansolbling:** yo im about to leave

 **hansolbling:** whats ur street name again

 

 **hongkong:** lil shua

 

 **hansolbling:** you live on a street named lil shua?

 

 **hongkong:** oh you meant my address

 

 **hansolbling:** i fucking hate you

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: i roll i flow i know (13)** _

 

 **emonemo:**  so im at the store right

 **emonemo:** and im walking down the new section that they just recently added

 **emonemo:** minding my own business

 **emonemo:** when i saw it

 

 **mingew:** this sounds terrifyingly similar to a convo we've had before in this gc

 

 **emonemo:** right there in front of me

 **emonemo:** a book

 **emonemo:** on dad jokes

 

 **mingew:** oh sweet jesus

 

 **emonemo:** and i sat there for like five minutes contemplating whether or not i should buy it

 **emonemo:** until i realized that i can't buy it

 

 **divaboo:** thAnk gOD

 

 **emonemo:** bc who am i gonna use them on?? the only people who appreciate my dad jokes are seungcheol bc he's an actual dad and seokmin bc he's a ray of sunshine

 **emonemo:** and chan, for some reason

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  what can i say

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i enjoy a good dad joke

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  you dont laugh at my dad jokes tho??

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  suddenly i need to leave

 

 **maybelline:** exposed

 

 **emonemo:** so i just put the book down and walked away

 **emonemo:** i shut myself down so fast

 **emonemo:** no one can hurt my self esteem like myself

 

 **jeju's bitch:** relatable

 

-☆-

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  sometimes i feel like dying

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  is everything okay??

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  but then i remember i wont be able to see you again if i do

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  aww soonyoung

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** come here so i can smother you lovingly

 

-☆-

 

 **mingew:** sometimes i feel like dying

 

 **emonemo:** good for you

 

 **mingew:** i want a divorce

 

 **emonemo:** we aren't married

 

 **mingew:** not anymore bitch

 

-☆-

 

 **ajunice:** hey jeonghan how do you feel when you see this?

**ajunice:**

 

 **maybelline:**  furry

 

 **ajunice:** i said what you feel not to call me out

 

 **maybelline:** i was

 **maybelline:** i felt furry

 

 **ajunice:** i can't believe ur a furry

 

 **maybelline:** nO I MEANT

 

 **ajunice:** I CANT

 **ajunice:** B E L I E V E

 **ajunice:** UR A

 **ajunice:** F U R R Y

 

 **maybelline:** yiff yiff bish

 **maybelline:** by katy purry

 

 **ajunice:** OwO what's thiz?

 

**maybelline:**

****

**maybelline:** wAIT WRONG MEME

 

 **ajunice:** O H

 

**maybelline:**

****

**maybelline:**  I MEANT THIS ONE JGDFUYA

 

 **ajunice:** NO I THINK YOU MEANT THE FIRST ONE

 **ajunice:** STOP TRYING TO HIDE YOURSELF FROM ME JEONGHAN

 **ajunice:** YOU KNOW ILL ALWAYS ACCEPT YOU

 **ajunice:** MY FURRY MOM

 

**maybelline:**

 

 **ajunice:**  we need church this sunday

 

**maybelline:**

 

 **hongkong:**  please consider my offer 

 **ajunice:** my papi Jesus Christ  he treats me so well  giving me his holy juices  and thick bread  yum yum 

 

**maybelline:**

 

 **ajunice:** my father ain't the only person i call daddy whenever I'm in the confession cubby with him 

 

**maybelline:**

 

 **ajunice:** you joined in too dont you dare step out now

 

**maybelline:**

 

 **ajunice:**  memes cant fix ur past jeonghan don't run away

 

**maybelline:**

 

**ajunice:**

****

 

-☆-

 

 **ajunice:**  hey seokmin how do you feel when you see this image

 

 **maybelline:** don't fall for it it's a trap

 

**ajunice:**

 

**actualsun:**

 

 **ajunice:**  interesting

 **ajunice:** and how do you feel when you see this image?

**ajunice:**

 

**actualsun:**

****

**actualsun:**

 

 **ajunice:** whipped

 

-☆-

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** so

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i just wrote a 5000 word essay on why dogs are 100% the best pet someone could have and sent it to my professor

 

 **emonemo:** it's 2am

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** it is

 

 **emonemo:** school hasn't started yet there's no way you have hw

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** that is correct

 

 **emonemo:** which professor did you even send it to?

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  idk man i just clicked someones email and hit send

 

 **emonemo:** jfc

 **emonemo:** what even goes through your head when you do these things dear god

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i dont know anymore

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i dont even know who i a m

 

 **emonemo:** in a never ending dance with crisis

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  title of my autobiography

 

 **emonemo:** IM

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  ;)

 

 **emonemo:** that wink holds a lot of pain

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  im hurting

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  xd

 

 **emonemo:** hello hurting

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  dont you dare finish that

 

 **emonemo:** im calling the police

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** i thought you were gonna make a dad joke

 

 **emonemo:** what time did the man go to the dentist?

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** hA

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  I KNOW THIS ONE BITCH

 

 **emonemo:** tooth hurt-y

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  tooth hurt-y

 

 **emonemo:** late ass

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  suck my ass

 

 **emonemo:** srry i'd rather suck mingyu's

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  nASTY

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  how can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?

 

 **emonemo:** f u c k  i d o n t k n o w t h i s o n e

 **emonemo:** i c a n t b e o u t d a d d e d

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  they're all girls, otherwise they'd be uncles

 

 **emonemo:** i

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  :D

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  you've been out dadded

 

 **emonemo:** that also holds pain

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  yes the pain of deciding whether or not i should be proud of this victory or ashamed

 

 **emonemo:** i'll pick for you

 **emonemo:** ashamed

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  nah i feel proud

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  chan would be proud of me so i'll be proud of myself

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  wonwoo

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  wonwoo where did you go

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  w o n w o o

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** w

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** o

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** n **  
**

**hoshi** ☆ **:** w **  
**

**hoshi** ☆ **:** o **  
**

**hoshi** ☆ **:** o **  
**

 

**emonemo:**

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** is

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  is this where you went

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i didn't even know you could draw

 

 **emonemo:** YES

 **emonemo:** I HAD TO STOP TO LAUGH AT THE HANDS

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  brb deciding whether to hate you or praise you

 

 **emonemo:** FUCKING YAOI HANDS

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  YAOI HANFS

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  KJHFUYDGU

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  PLS

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  I DONT NEED THIS AT 2AM

 

 **emonemo:** I CANT STOP LOOKING AT IT

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  STPOIPO

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  poipo

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  im calling the poipo on u and ur fucking yaoi hands

 

 **emonemo:** you can't lock away talent

 **emonemo:** you can't lock away the yaoi hands

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** leave

 

-☆-

 

 **salthao:**  when he whip out that dick and its bigger than you thought it was

**salthao:**

 

 **jihoe:**  i hope you suffocate in your sleep

 

 **salthao:** me too

 

-☆-

 

 **dinosaur** ♡:

 

 **hansolbling:**  where did you get this photo of me

 

 **dad:** WHAT IS THAT

 **dad:** ITS SO

 **dad:** W R O N G

 

 **hongkong:** wow seungcheol

 **hongkong:** its whats on the inside that counts not the outside

 **hongkong:** i really thought you were a different person

 **hongkong:** i guess i was wrong

 **hongkong:** the three musketeers are no more

 **hongkong:** now there are only two

 

 **mingew:** pls tell me you dont actually call yourselves the three musketeers

 

 **maybelline:** what if we do hoe

 

 **dad:** listen im all for loving personality instead but i just

 **dad:** i can't sit here and let my childhood be ruined like this

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  smh who are you and what have you done with my real father you rat

 

 **dad:** i can't deal with this anymore

 

 **maybelline:** bye slut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i told myself not to update this week bc i have a religions report for my world studies class due on tuesday and homecoming on saturday but here i am are we really surprised at this point
> 
> also !! s/o to my #1 shiny for the #1 dad art
> 
> p.s. comments motivate me to update faster so pls feel free to yell at me in the comment section for anything and everything


	13. sp00ky scAry skELeToNS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **hoshi☆:** suck my dick  
>  **salthao:** srry but that's chan's job  
>  **dinosaur♡:** and don't you forget it  
>  **actualsun:** how come every conversation turns into smth abt sex  
>  **ajunice:** we're all hoes here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for further into the chapter, junhui is italics

**_chat: i roll i flow i know (13)_ **

 

**_hoshi_ ** _☆_ **** _changed the chat name to **sp00ky scAry skELeToNS**_

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** IT’S COCKTOBER U KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS DICK SUCKING AWARENESS MONTH SEND THIS TO 12 OF UR CLOSET HOES THAT LOVE THAT DICK THOT-O-WEEN IS UPON US !! YOU ARE QUEEN OF THE THOTS!!! FORWARD THIS TO 7⃣ OF THE THOTTIEST THOTS THAT YOU KNOW WILL GET SOME SOON !!! IF YOU DON’T, BE PREPARED FOR 6⃣9⃣ DAYS OF BAD LUCK 

**hoshi** ☆ **:**  HAPPY HALLOWEEN SLUTS

 

 **emonemo:** it's the 1st

 

 **ajunice:** HAPPY HALLOWEEN SLUTS

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** halloween is lame

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  christmas is better

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  ur lame

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  what are you five

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  yeah on a scale of 1-10

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** wait

 

 **jihoe:**  aHAHAHA

 

 **ajunice:** SHIT BUDDY I CANT SAVE YOU FROM THAT ONE

 

 **emonemo:** hOW THE FUCK DO YOU MAKE THAT MISTAKE THROUGH TEXT

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  STOP HARASSING ME

 

 **dad:** soonyoung is something we call the cucumber in the pumpkin patch

 

 **hongkong:** WEJWEBFOU

 

 **actualsun:** PL,,S,,,

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i cant breath e

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  why am i always the victim

 

 **salthao:** bc ur stupid

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  suck my dick

 

 **salthao:** srry but that's chan's job

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  and don't you forget it

 

 **actualsun:** how come every conversation turns into smth abt sex

 

 **ajunice:** we're all hoes here

 

-☆-

 

 **maybelline:** alright listen up sluts

 **maybelline:** i've decided to throw a halloween party this year

 **maybelline:** all of you lame asses get to help

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  oh wow what an honor

 

 **hansolbling:** do we have to

 

 **maybelline:** yes you have to

 **maybelline:** i'll be assigning everyone jobs

 **maybelline:** chan and wonwoo you'll be shopping for everything we need and handling all party planning with me

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** oh yippee

 

 **emonemo:** yay for us

 

 **maybelline:** wow ok fuck the both of u

 **maybelline:** cheol, minghao, mingyu, and seokmin

 **maybelline:** you four will handle the guests bc y'all got all those friends

 **maybelline:**  somehow

 

 **mingew:** really feeling the love

 

 **dad:** are you not throwing a no-invite party this year

 

 **maybelline:**  i am but it's still good to have ppl you know are coming in case no one else shows up

 

 **divaboo:** smart

 

 **maybelline:** ik

 **maybelline:** hansol and soonyoung are in charge of setting up decorations so y'all aren't actually needed until the party

 

 **hansolbling:** litty

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  iM SO HYPED

 

 **maybelline:** when did soonyoung become the only one i could count on

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  soonyoung gets excited over dancing snowmen toys

 

 **maybelline:** i see your point

 **maybelline:** lastly jihoon, seungkwan, and jisoo are in charge of the snakes

 **maybelline:** snacks*

 

 **hongkong:** you made that typo on purpose

 

 **maybelline:** did i?

 

 **mingew:** don't fall for it it's a trap

 **mingew:** he's the king of snakes

 

 **emonemo:** i thought someone claimed his throne 

 

 **maybelline:** um wow who the fuck???

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  me bitch

 

 **jihoe:** this boy has some impressive dirt on all of us

 **jihoe:** he's got some real interesting shit on you especially jeonghan

 

 **maybelline:** i quit as a mother all my children are rats

 

 **divaboo:** been waiting all my life to hear those words

 

 **salthao:** amen

 

 **maybelline:** fUCK OFF

 **maybelline:** chan and wonwoo get ur asses over here we're going shopping now

 

 **emonemo:** but the party is in like four weeks

 

 **maybelline:** i don't care i need to stress shop

 **maybelline:** everyone else get together and plan ur shit

 **maybelline:** and don't bother trying to blow it off i got eyes everywhere

 **maybelline:** i'll know

 

 **jihoe:** lmao bullshit

 

 **hansolbling:** don't doubt him it's true

 

 **actualsun:** aye aye captain!!!!

 

 **hongkong:** seokmin: an actual blessing on earth

 

-☆-

 

 

 **divaboo:** jihoon just referred to a knife as a people-opener

 **divaboo:** i wanna go home

 

 **jihoe:** get back here you pussy

 

 **salthao:** rip seungkwan

 

-☆-

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  im real close to killing myself rn

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** this is the most stressful shopping trip i've ever experienced

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  and i've experienced black friday shopping in america

 

 **ajunice:** what happened?

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** this lady pulled out a knife bc some teenager was trying to grab the last 3DS she was going to buy her son

 

 **ajunice:** that happened at the mall?????

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  oHHHHH

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i thought you were talking about black friday oops

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** americans are wild man

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  but anyway jeonghan keeps complaining abt everything and im about to jump off the stairs

 

 **ajunice:** stay strong chan

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  he called cheol earlier and was asking him abt smth

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  wasn't really listening bc i didn't really care

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i did however overhear cheol telling jeonghan "i have ten children, stop being number eleven"

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  idk whether i should laugh or feel weirded out bc cheol still thinks we're his children

 

 **ajunice:** seungcheol the savage

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  please save me from this hell

 

 **ajunice:** sorry bud i wish i could

 **ajunice:** try distracting him with smth then run away with wonwoo

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** i want to have some peace and quiet not death

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** tho death does sound pretty nice rn

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** i'll think abt it thanks junhui

 

 **ajunice:**  glad i could help

 

-☆-

 

 **ajunice:** ayyy pals

 **ajunice:** yo are any of you on

 **ajunice:** hello?

 **ajunice:** oh right

 **ajunice:** all of you are out planning for the party

 **ajunice:** you're all together

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: ajunice (2)_ **

 

 **salthao:** baby are you okay?

 

 **ajunice:** yeah im fine

 

 **salthao:** junhui

 **ajunice:** no

 **ajunice:** my father's getting worse

 **ajunice:** the hospital has him on life support

 **ajunice:** they're talking about taking him off of it if he doesn't get any better in the next week

 

 **salthao:** do you want me to call you

 

 **ajunice:** but aren't you busy with the others

 

 **salthao:** i can leave junhui

 **salthao:** they'll understand

 

 **ajunice:**...

 **ajunice:**..yes please

 

 **salthao:** okay let me get in the car real quick

 

-☆-

 

_Incoming call: hao hao **♡**_

 

_Accept call?  
_

**_Yes _**_|_ _No_

 

_Call accepted....  
_

 

_"Hello?"_

 

"Hey, baby. Where are you right now?"

 

_"I'm at the hospital with my mom. They called about an hour ago saying that they had something they needed to go over with her. She didn't give me the details, but the look on her face said it all. I don't think he's gonna make it, Hao."_

 

"Well, thinking so negatively isn't going to help anything."

 

_"It's a little hard not to think so negatively when even the doctors can't do anything to help! I mean, isn't it their job to save lives? Why can't they save him?"_

 

"..."

 

_"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to blow up on you like that."_

 

"It's fine, I understand what you're going through. Well, I don't understand exactly what you're going through, but I understand how it's affecting you. You need to remember that doctors are human too, Junhui, they can only do so much."

 

_"I know, I know, I just— It's a lot easier to accept that when it's not happening to you and your family....hah, I thought the point of this phone call was to make me feel better? If anything, I think I feel even worse."_

 

"Part of feeling better is accepting the reality of the situation. Instead of mopping around, the best thing you can do right now is be there for him while he's here. Do you think knowing that he made his family cry is the last thing he ever wants to remember before going?"

 

_"No..."_

 

"Then be there for him. I'm not telling you to suddenly be happy again, but try and smile for him. Help him enjoy his last few days."

 

_"You're right. It's hard, but you're right...I'll try, though, for him. And for my mom....I can see my mom walking down the hall, I should go. Will you call me before I go to sleep tonight?"_

 

"Of course. I love you, Junnie."

 

_"I love you, too, Hao."_

 

_Beep.._

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: sp00ky scAry skELeToNS (13)_ **

 

 **dad:** I love you guys and would defend you with a plastic spoon but at the same time I would trade every single one of you for a Kit Kat

 

 **hansolbling:** love you too buddy

 

 **maybelline:** i would take a bullet for every single one of you

 **maybelline:** except maybe seungkwan

 

 **divaboo:** bICTHSAD

 

 **emonemo:** i wouldn't take a bullet for anyone

 **emonemo:** if i have the time to move in front of a bullet, they have time to move

 

 **hansolbling:** holy shit

 

 **mingew:** we're not starting this again istg

 

 **actualsun:** the brain named itself

 

 **salthao:** STOP IT

 

 **hongkong:** h is a little chair

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** that's kind of cute aw

 

 **jihoe:** did you realize that we never stop tasting our own tongues

 

 **actualsun:** how about i taste yours for a change

 

 **jihoe:** i

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  DAMN MY BOY IS SMOOTH

 

 **dad:** im putting an end to this before it goes any further

 

-☆-

 

 **hansolbling:** spoons are just little bowls on sticks

 

 **hongkong:** gOODNIGHT HANSOL

 

-☆-

 

 **salthao:** school starts today and im still awake at 2am

 **salthao:** why is this my life

 

 **divaboo:** wtf

 **divaboo:** why are you awake at 2am

 

 **salthao:** i forgot to sleep because i was looking at memes

 

 **jihoe:** if you ever wonder why you have no friends remember that sentence

 

 **salthao:** yolo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote half of this chapter on the 1st so technically the first part is still relevant ok dont @ me  
> TRAUMA IS FUCKING LIT KIM MINGYU DID YOU MEAN SEVENTEEN'S VOCAL UNIT'S HIDDEN MEMBER??
> 
> ty for almost 250 kudos and almost 3000 hits, ily and thanks for reading!!


	14. spiderdick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **ajunice:** girls are hot  
>  **ajunice:** guys are hot  
>  **ajunice:** why is everyone so hot  
>  **emonemo:** global warming

**_chat: sp00ky scAry skELeToNS (13)_ **

 

 **maybelline:**  no listen im telling you

 **maybelline:** that guy 100% wanted this dick

 

 **jihoe:** no he didn't

 

 **maybelline:** he bought me a coffee

 

 **jihoe:** yeah because he accidentally knocked yours onto the floor

 

 **maybelline:** just bc he knocked mine down doesn't mean he had to buy me a new one

 

 **jihoe:** he was just being a decent human being he wasn't trying to suck your dick

 **jihoe:** then again im not surprised you didn't notice

 **jihoe:** takes a decent person to know one

 

 **maybelline:** wow i didn't know it was attack jeonghan day what else you got

 

 **jihoe:** are you sure you want me to actually reply to that question

 

 **maybelline:** i'll get back to you on that one

 **maybelline:** wait

 **maybelline:** jihoon do you smell that

 

 **jihoe:** we're texting

 

 **maybelline:** smells like a lurkin hoe

 **maybelline:** who is lurkin

 **maybelline:** someONE IS LURKING

 

 **hansolbling:** sweats in korean

 

 **maybelline:** hansol are u wearing deodorant ://

 

 **hansolbling:** u wanna get fought oldie ://

 

 **maybelline:** ok lets go

 **maybelline:** lets fight

 **maybelline:** we have to make it quick tho my bed time is 6

 

 **jihoe:** jeonghan it's 9:40

 

 **maybelline:** that's irrelevant

 

-☆-

 

 **hongkong:** yknow

 **hongkong:** i wish you could set individual pictures the same you can with names

 **hongkong:** because

 **hongkong:**  you know what i would make yours junhui

 

 **ajunice:** i can only imagine

 

**hongkong:**

 

 **ajunice:** OK FUCK YOU

 

 **hongkong:** im only honest

 

 **jeju's bitch:** DRAG HIM

 

 **ajunice:** FUCK BOTH OF YOU

 **ajunice:** IM LEAVING

 **hongkong:** ahahaha wow junhui you look cute in that pic 

 

 **ajunice:** STIP IT

 

 **hongkong:** i will never stip

 **hongkong:** can't stip won't stip the grind

 

-☆-

 

 **actualsun:** hey guys i was on tumblr and i saw smth

 **actualsun:** and im confused

 

 **hongkong:** pls elaborate

 

 **actualsun:** what does bdsm stand for?

 

 **salthao:** whose mans

 

 **hongkong:** BIBLE DISCUSSION AND STUDY MEETING

 

 **actualsun:** but the post didn't mention anything abt jesus or studying

 

 **hongkong:** are you questioning me

 

 **actualsun:** no hyung of course not

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: hoshi** ☆ **(2)** _

 

 **actualsun:** dude what does bdsm mean

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** i was waiting for you my student

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  it means bondage and discipline (bd)

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** dominance and submission (ds)

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** sadism and masochism (sm) **  
**

 

 **actualsun:** lit thanks man

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** np **  
**

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: sp00ky scAry skELeToNS (13)_ **

 

 **emonemo:** ok this is the fourth time this week i've come home to a new dog in my apartment

 

 **mingew:** it wouldn't have to be a new one if you didn't make me bring them all back

 

 **emonemo:** gyu we're not getting a dog

 

 **mingew:** :(

 

 **emonemo:** im officially creating a no-pets policy

 

 **salthao:** dude you can't just throw mingyu out like that

 

 **emonemo:** mingyu is the only dog im ok with keeping

 

 **jihoe:** that was cute and gross at the same time idk how to react

 

 **emonemo:** let's not react at all and forget i ever said anything

 

 **jihoe:** deal

 

 **mingew:** wonwoo's physically cringing im laughing

 

-☆-

 

 **hongkong:** can we go to a haunted house for halloween this year

 

 **maybelline:** what's wrong with the one we live in

 

 **hongkong:** WHAT

 

 **dad:** goodnight jisoo

 

**ajunice:**

****

**ajunice:** in loving memory of jisoo

 **ajunice:** he aint dead his boyfriends are just assholes

 

-☆-

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** this is it

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** this is the end for me

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** are you ok?????

 

 **hansolbling:** chan is never ok

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  there is

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** a huge ass fucking spider in the bathroom and im five seconds away from pissing myself

 

 **jeju's bitch:** just like

 **jeju's bitch:** pee quickly and run

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i would but it's right above the toilet

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  what if it jumps and lands on my dick

 

 **maybelline:** aw chan im sure soon will still suck ur dick even after it's turned into a mini spider man

 **maybelline:** on the bright side sex will be wild

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i hate you

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i hate you so much

 

 **maybelline:** love you too buddy

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  ok im going in

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  if i die my funeral is gonna be a lit ass party and ur all invited

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  even jeonghan bc i need it to look like i had a lot of friend

 

 **dad:** you'll be fine just go pee

 

 **emonemo:** first party i've ever been invited to and he might not even die

 

 **salthao:** wonwoo omg

 

 **mingew:** wonwoo do you need a hug

 

 **emonemo:** no

 

 **mingew:** ,,,

 

 **emonemo:** yes please

 

 **jihoe:** nasty

 

 **hongkong:** what are you the new seungkwan

 

 **jihoe:** no im like seungkwan but better

 

 **jeju's bitch:** i didn't have a relationship of my own back then what's ur excuse

 

 **jihoe:** im short and bitter

 

-☆-

 

 **ajunice:** girls are hot

 

 **dad:** you're dating minghao

 

 **ajunice:** guys are hot too

 **ajunice:** why is everyone so hot

 

 **emonemo:** global warming

 

-☆-

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  so there i was, barbecue sauce on my titties

 

 **hansolbling:** this story has been a real mess idk if i want you to continue

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  this story is iconic tf

 

 **jeju's bitch:** yo soonyoung

 **jeju's bitch:** as much as i hate to interrupt ur wonderful story of last years end of the year party

 **jeju's bitch:** i think a junior is trying to flirt with chan

 

 **hansolbling:** how do you know they're a junior

 

 **jeju's bitch:** bc i know everything i didn't invite you to my barbecue so why are you all up in my grill damn son

 

 **hansolbling:** i

 

 **jeju's bitch:** anyway they're under that huge ass tree outside the cafe u know the one

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** looks like i'll have to finish my story later

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  now if you'll excuse me, i have to go make a scene

 

 **jeju's bitch:** relationship goals

 

-☆-

 

 **mingew:** hey wonwoo im gonna be a little late tonight

 **mingew:** can you put some spaghetti on the stove so i can start cooking when i get home

 

 **emonemo:** yeah sure

 

 **mingew:** thanks babe

 

-☆-

 

**mingew:**

****

**mingew:** im moving out

 

 **salthao:** FDGSFS

 

 **ajunice:** HOW DO YOU FUCK UP THAT BAD

 

 **emonemo:** yOU SAID PUT THE SPAGHETTI ON THE STOVE SO I DID

 **emonemo:** I DONT SEE THE PROBLEM HERE

 

 **mingew:** HOW AM I GONNA COOK SPAGHETTI LIKE THIS

 

 **emonemo:** I DONT KNOW YOURE THE CHEF

 

 **actualsun:** sometimes i wonder how yall are still in a functioning relationship

 

 **mingew:** honestly me too

 

-☆-

**dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i came over to jihancheol's house to have a good time and honestly i feel so insulted rn

 

 **hongkong:** chan we'll be back by 11 i promise

 

 **dad:** you're free to stay at the apartment while you wait

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** smh

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  yall better be back by 11

 

 **maybelline:** we will damn ur so demanding

 

-☆-

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  the time is 11:01

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  jihancheol are no where in sight **  
**

**dinosaur** ♡ **:** that's it, they're dead

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** im an orphan now **  
**

**dinosaur** ♡ **:** there is no hope for me **  
**

**dinosaur** ♡ **:**  i will live the rest of my days off the streets as a beggar

 

 **maybelline:** why do you exist

 

 **dad:** jeonGHAN

 

 **hongkong:** chan im sorry the roads are backed up bc of the rain

 **hongkong:** we're almost at the apartment

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  wtv im eating all your food

 

 **maybelline:** i hope you choke

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** me too

 

-☆-

 

 **salthao:**  i love the term “partners”

 **salthao:**  are we dating?

 **salthao:**  are we robbing a bank?

 **salthao:**  do we run a legal firm?

 **salthao:**  are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies?

 

 **jihoe:**  please

 **jihoe:**  for the love of god

 **jihoe:**  shut up and go to sleep

 

 **salthao:**  no thanks

 

-☆-

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** yall remember my dog essay

 

 **ajunice:**  the one you sent to a random professor?

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  that's the one

 

 **actualsun:** what abt it

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  well

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  today at school i found out which professor it was

 

 **hansolbling:**  oh boy

 

 **emonemo:**  please tell me it wasn't

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  oh

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  it was

 

 **emonemo:**  rip soonyoung you'll be kind of missed

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  what professor was it

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** remember my english professor who hated me last year

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  the one who gave you an f on your essay just because it was an hour late even though you had a valid reason

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  that's the one

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  oh no

 

 **hoshi☆:**  so i show up to the class, which i had first thing this morning

 

 **mingew:**  i'll never understand why you chose morning classes

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  me neither

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  so i walk in dressed in the sweatpants and t-shirt that i had slept in the night before bc i haven't cared abt my appearance since my senior year of high school and everyone is dead inside in college anyway

 

 **emonemo:**  it's true

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  and i walk past the professor's desk to go sit down when he calls me over

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i didn't really think much of it because i was still half asleep so i go over and im like what's up dog

 

 **jeju's bitch:** "what's up dog"

 **jeju's bitch:**  won't be surprised if he's already failed you for the semester

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  and he goes "hello, mr. kwon, i see you're as cheery as always this morning. how is convincing the world that dogs are the superior pet going?"

 

 **jihoe:**  AHFIEW

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  and like i said i was half asleep so i was just like "it's going great, i've almost convinced my boyfriend to let us get a dog"

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  almos t

 

 **mingew:**  i want a dog :(

 

 **emonemo:**  no

 

 **mingew:**  :((

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  and i think he was gonna let the whole thing go after that but apparently mr. always-has-a-stick-up-his-ass decided to prove once again that he's a total asshole

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** basically to summarize the story my english professor is homophobic and he hates me even more than he did before bc i accidentally came out to him at 7:45 in the morning

 

 **maybelline:**  when will people just let my two sons be happy together without a problem

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:** probably never

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  but i've gotten over it

 **dinosaur** ♡: what im more worried abt is soonyoung failing college

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  dw i'll be fine

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** i managed to pass the course last year

 

 **salthao:** if you need me to i can fight him for you

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  thanks hao i'll keep that in mind

 

 **salthao:**  i got u

 

-☆-

 

 **ajunice:**  guys

 

 **actualsun:**  ayy buddy

 **actualsun:**  what's up

 

 **jeju's bitch:**  good afternoon

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  it's 8pm

 

 **jeju's bitch:**  goOd aFteRNoON

 

 **salthao:**  technically he's right bc it is after noon

 

 **actualsun:**  but then couldn't it also be morning bc technically it's also before noon

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:**  i hate this conversation

 

 **ajunice:**  you guys

 

 **salthao:**  right sorry baby

 **salthao:**  what did you need to say

 

 **ajunice:**  im coming back to korea

 

 **dad:**  i heARD JUNHUI WAS COMING BACK IM HERE

 

 **hansolbling:**  YAY

 

 **maybelline:**  I MISSED MY PARTNER IN GOOD LOOKS

 

 **mingew:**  suddenly im offended

 

 **maybelline:**  we can be a trio

 

 **mingew:**  suddenly im less offended

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  wait

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  but why are you coming back hyung? what about your dad?

 

 **actualsun:** well if he's coming back that means his dad is better right

 

 **dinosaur** ♡ **:**  as much as i wish that was true you don't just magically get better from a terminal illness

 

 **ajunice:**  he's right

 **ajunice:**  he's not better

 **ajunice:**  well i guess you could say he is considering he can't suffer from anything now

 

 **jeju's bitch:**  oh hyung....

 

 **actualsun:**  im not following?

 

 **ajunice:**  my father is dead

 **ajunice:**  the hospital pulled him off life support last night at around 6pm

 **ajunice:**  he took his last breath at 9:45pm

 

 **salthao:**  oh baby im so sorry

 

 **ajunice:**  i already knew it was gonna happen

 **ajunice:**  the doctors told us time and time again that they didn't think he'd get better

 **ajunice:**  that he wouldn't be able to live off of life support

 **ajunice:**  i guess it finally hit my mom last night because she told them to pull it

 **ajunice:**  said she didn't want him to suffer anymore than he already has

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** she did the right thing

 **hoshi** ☆: he would've spent his whole life suffering and stuck in that bed

 

 **ajunice:**  the selfish part of me wants to be mad at her for taking him off of it but the other part of me knows that there was no other way

 

 **dad:** it's normal to feel like that, the death of a loved one isn't something you just immediately accept and move on from

 **dad:** it takes time

 

 **salthao:**  why are you coming back though, what about your mom?

 

 **ajunice:**  she's coming back with me

 **ajunice:**  she said that the house reminds her too much of him and she doesn't think she can live there alone

 **ajunice:**  and she doesn't want to keep me from school, even though i told her not to worry about that

 

 **salthao:**  i hope you know you aren't going to school right away when you get back

 **salthao:**  it'll be way too much for you at once and you know it's true so don't try fighting me on it

 

 **ajunice:**  no you're right

 **ajunice:**  i plan on starting after christmas

 

 **mingew:**  when are you guys leaving?

 

 **ajunice:**  in two days

 **ajunice:**  i have to go now but thank you guys for being there for me when i needed it

 **ajunice:**  all of you

 

 **dad:**  you're our friend junhui, we'd never let you suffer alone

 

 **hoshi** ☆ **:** we're always gonna be right here

 

 **ajunice:**  and i don't doubt that one bit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk abt you guys but i hate making my son suffer so the next chapter is gonna be a time skip meaning no more angst !!
> 
> aLSO WHAT THE FUCK CAN THE PERFORMANCE TEAM STOP BEING SO TALENTED THEYRE MY FAVORITE UNIT AND THEIR DANCING NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME HELLA FUCKING SHOOK AND LILILI YABBAY IS SUCH A CATCHY SONG WHAT A BOP ITS LITERALLY THE ONLY THING I'VE LISTENED TO TODAY AND SHIT JUNHUI'S VOICE AND JUST EVERYONE AHHHHH I LOVE SEVENTEEN THANK YOU AND GOODBYE


	15. the homo express

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **jessie:** the homo express  
>  **jessie:** where do i buy a ticket  
>  **awholegay:** you sucked dick before?  
>  **jessie:** obviously  
>  **awholegay:** welcome aboard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick reminder that this chapter is months after the last one so junhui is reasonably more happy and everything is all good (we'll say it's around february-march) this also means a new chat name that has absolutely no explanation (which means i took the name of one of my actual gcs lmao) :D and !!! new chat names for everyone !!! so here's a quick guide in case you can't tell who is who. good luck with jihancheol fuckers
> 
> chan: dinomite  
> hansol: swagmoney  
> seungkwan: jessie  
> minghao: sarangay  
> seokmin: meowth  
> mingyu: tree  
> jihoon: fuck  
> wonwoo: neonjeon  
> soonyoung: james  
> junhui: awholegay  
> jisoo: jeonghan  
> jeonghan: seungcheol  
> seungcheol: jisoo

_**chat: are you half dickle (13)** _

 

 **neonjeon:**  im filing a fucking complaint

 

 **tree:** oh here we go again

 

 **sarangay:** i already told you wonwoo

 **sarangay:** not everyone is going to accept your emo side

 **sarangay:** its just the way the old lady was raised

 

 **neonjeon:** what

 **neonjeon:** im not talking abt sharon

 

 **tree:** he's complaining abt movies

 **tree:** again

 **tree:** you cant watch anything with him

 

 **swagmoney:** its true

 **swagmoney:** one time i tried to watch the titanic with him

 **swagmoney:** bitch cried through the whole movie

 

 **neonjeon:** it was sad!

 

 **swagmoney:** its a three hour movie

 

 **neonjeon:** i didn't come here to be attacked like this

 **neonjeon:** when will i find my safe space

 

 **sarangay:** just get to the point on why ur being a little bitch this time

 

 **tree:** if you didnt ask he might have left it alone minghao gdi

 

 **neonjeon:** OK SO

 **neonjeon:** IM TIRED OF PREVIEWS TELLING ME A MOVIE IS A COMEDY

 **neonjeon:** AND THEN ADDING IN ANGST

 

 **swagmoney:** what was the name

 

 **neonjeon:** idk im too angry to remember

 **neonjeon:** it was a shitty movie

 

 **tree:** i thought it was good

 

 **neonjeon:** it was

 **neonjeon:** until it fuCKED with my feelings

 **neonjeon:** i was supposed to laugh man

 **neonjeon:** not fuckin crY

 **neonjeon:** why does all humor turn into angst

 **neonjeon:** first the guy is telling a joke

 **neonjeon:** and next thing ya know the guy's in a fuckin coma

 

 **tree:** he cried over everything

 **tree:** like there's actually a wet spot on our couch from his tears

 

 **neonjeon:** they didn't need to know that

 

 **sarangay:** yes we did

 

 **neonjeon:** im unfriending all of you

 **neonjeon:** i dont need friends when i have my tears to keep me company

 

 **tree:** what you need is a therapist

 

 **neonjeon:** new phone who dis

 

 **tree:** suddenly im single

 

-☆-

 

 **dinomite:**  dad

 

 **jeonghan:** yes?

 

 **seungcheol:** yes?

 

 **jisoo:** yes?

 

 **dinomite:** ok let's not

 **dinomite:** what kind of fuckin evil prank is this

 

 **jisoo:** what are you talking abt

 **jisoo:** why would us replying to you be a prank

 

 **dinomite:** listen i know yall are boring af bc ur old

 **dinomite:** but u aint that boring that youd have ur actual names set

 **dinomite:** yall trying to mess with us and im onto u bitches

 

 **jeonghan:** you better watch your mouth u brat

 

 **dinomite:** now you see

 **dinomite:** that's definitely smth jeonghan would say to me bc he's a bad mom

 **dinomite:** but i also know yall live together and i dont trust any of you

 

 **jisoo:** even me?

 

 **dinomite:** i'd say i trust you but you're not jisoo hyung

 **dinomite:** so who tf is who

 

 **jeonghan:** im jeonghan :))

 

 **seungcheol:** im seungcheol :))

 

 **jisoo:** im jisoo :))

 

 **dinomite:** i hate this fucking family

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: seungcheol (2)** _

 

 **james:**  hyung i need your advice

 

 **seungcheol:** if you got your head stuck in the railing again im not helping you

 **seungcheol:** last time you made me miss lunch

 

 **james:** wow but i bought you a sandwich

 

 **seungcheol:** you bought me half a sandwich

 **seungcheol:** i bought the other half

 **seungcheol:** and then you proceeded to eat half of it

 

 **james:** are we gonna take the time to reflect on my past mistakes or are you gonna help a bro out

 **james:** im not stuck in another railing

 

 **seungcheol:** what's up my child

 

 **james:** well

 **james:** what would you say

 **james:** if i

 

 **seungcheol:** get to the point already

 **seungcheol:** i hate it when yall send messages like this

 

 **james:** proposedtochan

 

 **seungcheol:** im sorry can you send that again

 **seungcheol:** i must be reading it wrong bc it looks like you just asked me what i'd think if you proposed to chan

 

 **james:** hyung you're not helping

 **james:** like at all

 

 **seungcheol:** you're being serious?

 

 **james:** i may be a dumbass but i wouldnt joke abt that

 

 **seungcheol:** wow

 **seungcheol:** i

 **seungcheol:** wow

 **seungcheol:** but you guys are still in school

 **seungcheol:** hell chan is only a sophomore

 

 **james:** i dont mean like right now

 **james:** just for the future

 **james:** after we graduate and have stable jobs and all that

 **james:** i mean by then we'd have been together for a long time so it'd be appropriate right?

 **james:** ive been told that it's always possible to fall out of love with someone but i honestly dont see myself with anyone but chan

 **james:** even so far into the future

 **james:** hyung are you still there?

 

 **seungcheol:** sorry i was busy wipING AWAY MY TEARS

 **seungcheol:** THATS THE SOFTEST FUCKING THING IVE EVER READ???

 **seungcheol:** I LOVE LOVE

 **seungcheol:** I LOVE BOYFRIENDS

 **seungcheol:** I LOVE SOULMATES

 

 **james:** r u ok

 

 **seungcheol:** yeah yeah im fine

 **seungcheol:** just caught up in the moment

 **seungcheol:** if you're not planning on doing it until after university why are you thinking about it now?

 

 **james:**  idk it's like ever since chan moved in with me i've started to notice more things

 **james:** and i've realized how fucking domestic everything suddenly is

 **james:** like sleeping in the same bed and walking up together

 **james:** (trying) cooking with each other

 **james:** even just lazing around after all our classes are over

 **james:** i don't ever want it to stop

 

 **seungcheol:** this too much for me to handle

 **seungcheol:** yall are so soft

 **seungcheol:** i am the #1 soonchan supporter

 

 **james:** lol you hang out with jeonghan too much

 **james:** ur starting to sound like him

 

 **seungcheol:** ahaha

 **seungcheol:** well he is my boyfriend and we do live together ahaha

 

 **james:** right

 

 **seungcheol:** anyway i think it's a great idea

 **seungcheol:** you really don't have to be worrying about this type of thing rn

 **seungcheol:** and idk if im reading too far into this but it almost sounds like you're afraid he's going to leave

 **seungcheol:**  which is also something you don't need to worry about

 **seungcheol:** chan loves you just as much as you love him, i promise

 **seungcheol:** so just relax

 

 **james:** i guess i kind of was a little worried about that

 **james:**  its just hard to imagine him wanting to stay with me for so long

 **james:** but i dont really see it all from his point of view

 **james:** thanks hyung

 **james:** you're always the best at this kind of stuff

 

 **seungcheol:** it's not problem

 **seungcheol:** now go get some rest

 

 **james:** you too!

 **james:** nighty night!

 

 **seungcheol:** nighty night

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: are you half dickle (13)** _

 

 **awholegay:** ok im tired of being confused everytime i enter this chat

 **awholegay:** jihancheol

 **awholegay:** reveal urselves

 

 **jisoo:** idk what ur talking abt

 

 **seungcheol:** we're literally ourselves yall are just trippin

 

 **meowth:** cheol hyung would never say trippin

 

 **fuck:** he'd rather die

 

 **jeonghan:** anyone who uses trippin should want to die

 **jeonghan:** it just dont look right

 

 **jessie:** yall really out here attacking a word

 

 **dinomite:** i hate this

 **dinomite:** u three are evil

 

 **swagmoney:** jisoo hyung used to call jeonghan a snake

 **swagmoney:** but the truth is ur all snakes

 

 **sarangay:** the snake trio

 

 **neonjeon:** sounds abt right

 

 **jeonghan:** stop attacking us we've done nothing wrong

 

 **james:** that's it

 **james:** im getting to the bottom of this once and for all

 

 **tree:** whatcha gonna do

 

 **james:** im gonna do the only thing i can do

 **james:** it's time to break out

 **james:** the dad jokes

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: stressed parents of 10 (3)_ **

 

 **jisoo:** gUYs

 

 **seungcheol:** seungcheol dont you fucking dare

 

 **jeonghan:** ruin our plan and we ruin u

 **jeonghan:** you shouldnt worry

 **jeonghan:** this is soonyoung we're talking abt here

 

 **seungcheol:** yeah any joke he says is probably one you've heard before

 

 **jisoo:** just bc i've heard it dont mean i wont laugh at it

 

 **seungcheol:** try again

 

 **jisoo:** i will not laugh at soonyoung's dad joke

 

 **jeonghan:** there ya go

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: are you half dickle (13)_ **

 

 **jeonghan:** lmao ok

 

 **dinomite:** i believe in you soonyoung

 **dinomite:** expose them

 

 **james:**  why do chicken coops only have two doors?

 **james:** because if they had four theyd would be chicken sedans

 

 **jeonghan:** that

 **jeonghan:** was horrible

 

 **seungcheol:** that hurt to read oh my god

 

 **jessie:** wait for it

 

 **jeonghan:**????

 

 **jisoo:** KJWBERB

 **jisoo:** OHMYGO D ahsjbfjbalf

 **jisoo:** I CANT BREATHE

 

 **seungcheol:** is this a joke

 **seungcheol:** are we sure this wasn't the dad joke

 

 **james:** HA

 **james:** BUSTED DAD

 

_**james** changed **jisoo** 's username to **seungsnake**_

_**james**  changed  **jeonghan** 's username to  **jisnake** _

**_james_ ** _changed **seungcheol** 's username to **jeongsnake**  
_

 

 **fuck:**  yall thought

 

 **jisnake:** gdi seungcheol what did we tell you

 

 **jeongsnake:** why do you ruin everything i

 

 **seungsnake:** im sorry it was the dad in me

 

 **dinomite:** welcome back father

 

 **sarangay:** leave again and im suffocating u all in ur sleep

 

 **jeongsnake:** i was gonna reply with try me bitch

 **jeongsnake:** but knowing minghao he probably would try it

 

 **sarangay:** :)

 

-☆-

 

 **jessie:** ya know

 **jessie:** no matter how many times we change our usernames

 **jessie:** i never understand why they are what they are

 **jessie:** except jihancheol bc they're snakes

 

 **meowth:** wonwoo is neonjeon bc he's dark and emo right

 

 **tree:** I LAUGHED

 **tree:** DARK AND EMO

 **tree:** PLEASE

 **tree:** DID YOU MEAN SOFT AND CUTE

 **tree:** YALL WONWOO IS THE DEFINITION OF PURE OK

 

 **fuck:** sounds fake but okay

 

 **neonjeon:** mingyu n o

 

 **tree:** OH NO HONEY

 **tree:** IM TELLING YOU THE TRUTH

 **tree:** ALLOW ME TO SHARE

 

 **awholegay:** hello the homo express has arrived

 **awholegay:**  are we exposing wonwoo

 **awholegay:** bc i love exposing wonwoo

 

 **fuck:** yes we are

 

 **jessie:** the homo express

 **jessie:** where do i buy a ticket

 

 **awholegay:** you sucked dick before?

 

 **jessie:** obviously

 

 **awholegay:** welcome aboard

 

 **tree:** OK I GOT IT

 **tree:** I PRESENT TO YOU

 **tree:** THE SOFTEST BOY ALIVE

 **tree:** SIR JEON WONWOO

**tree:**

****

**tree:**

****

**tree:**

****

**tree:**

****

**tree:**

****

**tree:**

****

 

 **jessie:**  LOOK AT HIS CUTE LITTLE NOSE IN THE LAST ONE AW

 **jessie:** THATS THE PUREST PICTURE IVE EVER SEEN

 

 **tree:** don't ever tell me jeon wonwoo is anything but a pure marshmallow again

 

 **meowth:** im so sorry for my mistake

 

 **neonjeon:** why me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> s/o to emily for helping with the usernames, thank her for torturing you all
> 
> i havent bothered to actually check but this feel shorter than the other chapters. i have three projects im working on for school so im gonna be busy for the rest of this week but next weeks chapter should be longer !!
> 
> ALSO PINWHEEL WAS BEAUTIFUL DID YALL SEE ALL THOSE LINES AND SCREEN TIME JISOO GOT MY BO Y  
> I LOVE ANGELS


	16. rocket titties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **swagmoney:** shut up u gay  
>  **awholegay:** hansol u too have a boyfriend  
>  **awholegay:** we all have boyfriends  
>  **swagmoney:** irrelevant

**_chat: are you half dickle (13)_ **

 

 **awholegay:** sup fuckers

 

 **jessie:** lifts leg up

 **jessie:** hey ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **awholegay:** yuck

 

 **jessie:** oh god it looks deformed someone kill it

 

 **awholegay:** burn it with fire

 **awholegay:** hang on im gonna make some ramen

 **awholegay:** hopefully i dont burn that with fire

 

 **jessie:** dont burn ur apartment down

 **jessie:** minghao will have ur ass

 

 **awholegay:** i'll try not to

 **awholegay:** hao's not home rn so there would be no one to save me if i did

 

 **jessie:** good

 

 **awholegay:** what do you mean gooD

 

 **jessie:** wow would u look at the time

 **jessie:** i have to go walk my fish bowl

 

 **awholegay:** you don't even have a fish

 

 **jessie:** don't tell me how to live my life

 

-☆-

 

**dinomite:**

****

**dinomite:**  all i wanted to do was watch some classics and this is what i get

 

 **sarangay:** this is what you get for trying to watch a christmas movie before halloween

 **sarangay:** bitch

 

 **dinomite:** kys

 

 **sarangay:** love the support and affection im getting

 

 **jeongsnake:** k but y u not in class tho

 

 **dinomite:** oh im sick

 **dinomite:** again

 

 **jeongsnake:** bABY

 **jeongsnake:** EAT SOME SOUP

 **jeongsnake:**  GETS SOME BLANKETS

 

 **dinomite:**  yUCK

 

 **jeongsnake:**  DONT YOU YUCK ME YOUNG MAN

 **jeongsnake:**  UR SICK SO U EAT SOUP

 

 **dinomite:**  SOUP IS GROSS MOM

 

 **jeongsnake:**  I DONT CARE IF THE SOUP IS GROSS IT HELPS YOU

 

 **dinomite:**  im already eating toast tho

 

 **jeongsnake:**  UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET THAT MEDICINE THAT "TASTE LIKE NOTHING"

 **jeongsnake:**  that's weak

 

 **dinomite:**  um screw you toast is great

 

 **jeongsnake:** toast won't help

 **jeongsnake:** the toast won't help you get better chan when will u learn

 **jeongsnake:** how bout some tea

 **jeongsnake:** and some vaseline

 **jeongsnake:** rub that on ur feet and chest

 **jeongsnake:** and some around ur nose

 **jeongsnake:** put socks on afterwards

 **jeongsnake:** and the medicine bb

 **jeongsnake:** dayquil and nightquil

 **jeongsnake:** use the vaseline at night so u don't suffocate in ur sleep i dont think soon would wanna wake up to that

 **jeongsnake:** make some cup noodle soup

 **jeongsnake:** but don't forget the water

 

 **sarangay:** oh my god

 

 **dinomite:** jesus christ you really are a mom

 

 **jeongsnake:** im the best mom friend you'll ever have and dont u forget or doubt that any minute

 

 **dinomite:** yes ma'am

 

-☆-

 

 **james:** i just came home to chan wrapped in a blanket burrito and asleep on our couch

 **james:** lookin all soft and shit

 **james:** im not gonna send a picture tho

 **james:** im keeping this image to myself bc ya know boyfriend privileges

 **james:** but just know that if you saw it it'd be the cutest thing you'd ever seen

 

 **swagmoney:** but that's impossible bc i have seungkwan as my boyfriend

 

 **jessie:** JEOUFFEKEFKJH'EWEE';';WEF

 

 **meowth:** DAMN BOY

 

 **tree:** look at u go han im so proud

 **tree:** wipes tear

 

 **neonjeon:** why are you so dramatic

 

 **james:** are you

 **james:** hansol vernon choi

 **james:** trying to suggest that ur bf is cuter than mine

 **james:** who might i add

 **james:** is an actual Baby™

 

 **swagmoney:** uh obviously??

 **swagmoney:** no one is cuter than seungkwan???

 

 **james:** a lot of people are cuter than seungkwan

 **james:** ur just saying that bc ur his bf

 

 **jessie:** i'd choose to be offended if i wasnt so touched rn

 

 **james:** ur offended anyway

 

 **jessie:** u right

 **jessie:** bitch what's good

 

 **jeongsnake:** im sorry seungkwan but im gonna have to agree with soon on this one

 

 **jessie:** ok wow i've been betrayed by my own mother

 **jessie:** i can't believe this betrayal

 **jessie:** our family is finally falling apart

 

 **jeongsnake:** the only reason ur calling me ur mother is bc im against u

 **jeongsnake:** im surrounded by brats

 

 **awholegay:** uh hate to break it to yall but

 **awholegay:** hao is the cutest one here sorry not sorry i love my boy

 

 **swagmoney:** shut up u gay

 

 **awholegay:** hansol u too have a boyfriend

 **awholegay:** we all have boyfriends

 

 **swagmoney:** irrelevant

 

 **meowth:** um jihoon is the shortest which automatically makes him the cutest?? case and point?? goodnight folks??

 

 **fuck:** seokmin dont start

 

 **james:** jihoon is too scary to be cute

 

 **fuck:** wanna die fucker

 

 **jisnake:** guys please stop fighting

 **jisnake:** it's pointless

 **jisnake:** right seungcheol

 

 **seungsnake:** right

 **seungsnake:** i dont even know why yall are arguing when jisoo is obviously the cutest lmao

 

 **jisnake:** sEUNGCHEOL

 

 **jeongsnake:** rt

 

 **jisnake:** i hate both of u

 

 **james:** WOW U WANNA FIGHT OLD MAN

 

 **seungsnake:** COME AT ME SON

 

 **neonjeon:** clears throat

 **neonjeon:** as much as im enjoying this argument im afraid i need to put an end to it

 

 **tree:** wonwoo no

 

 **neonjeon:** this is just payback mingyu u picked the fight and now i gotta battle it out

 

 **tree:** ,,p,,ls,,,,

 

 **awholegay:** tf u talkin bout emo

 

 **neonjeon:** im talking abt how i, jeon wonwoo, have the cutest bf

 

 **swagmoney:** i laughed

 

 **tree:** im innocent stop attacking me thanks

 

 **neonjeon:** laugh all you want but im right

 **neonjeon:** allow me to support my statement

 

 **meowth:** lol sure bud

 

**neonjeon:**

****

**neonjeon:**

 

 **_swagmoney_ ** _left the chat_

 ** _meowth_** _left the chat_

 **_seungsnake_ ** _left the chat_

 ** _james_** _left the chat_

 **_awholegay_ ** _left the chat_

 

 **neonjeon:** thank you for ur time

 

 **jeongsnake:** things meanie did: that

 

 **sarangay:** hello 911 i'd like to report a murder

 

-☆-

 

 **james:** i love chan

 

 **jisnake:** we know

 

 **james:** ok but like i l o v e chan

 

 **fuck:** yeah we k n o w

 

 **james:** wow jisoo jihoon im so glad you guys asked why i love chan

 **james:** let me diddly darn tell u bc i bet you're dying to know

 

**fuck:**

****

 

 **james:** yall know that our four year anniversary was at the beginning of the week bc i wouldnt shut up abt it

 **james:** so chan gave me his present earlier and

 **james:** i. am. crying.

 **james:** he's so cute and precioUS

 **james:** let me tell you

 **james:** abt the tissue paper

 

 **dinomite:** SOONYOUNG NO

 

 **jeongsnake:** eye emoji

 

 **james:** ITS FUCKING CUTE

 **james:** ITS ADORABLE AS HELL

 

 **dinomite:** STOP

 

 **james:** I AM E N A M O U R E D

 

 **neonjeon:** didnt know u knew a word that big

 

 **james:** um fuck u

 

 **jeongsnake:** SHOW ME

 

 **james:** ok so

 

 **jeongsnake:** OR TELL ME

 

 **james:** right so when i opened the gift i was like "why is there so much tissue paper" and it was like a soft yellow color, usually something you'd see around summer time

 **james:** and he kind of shuffled his feet looking really embarrassed before he mumbled "i may have gone a little overboard and now we're out of yellow tissue paper"

 **james:** and i got that so i was like yeah but y tho

 **james:** and this bOY

 **james:** he said

 **james:** hE SAID

 **james:** "i was really cold while wrapping it and the color made me feel warm"

 

 **jisnake:** IUIWFOUWRG

 

 **jeongsnake:** WDUHFOP[FL[PFK

 

 **awholegay:** FOUYOBUGBROIGUQG3GIUNF,

 **awholegay:** CHAN

 **awholegay:** CHAN IS SO PRECIOUS

 **awholegay:** IM

 **awholegay:** CRYING

 **awholegay:** I CANT BELIEVE I STAN AN ANGEL

 **awholegay:** AN ACTUAL PURE ANGEL

 

 **dinomite:** im leaving this group chat

 

-☆-

 

**sarangay:**

**sarangay:** i'd let him be hokage of my village anyday

 

 **meowth:** delete this

 

 **sarangay:** this is why no one liked you as a child

 

-☆-

 

**jeongsnake:**

****

**jeongsnake:**  rocket titties

 

 **seungsnake:**  you've been at the mall for five hours

 

 **jeongsnake:** r o c k e t t i t t i e s

 

 **seungsnake:** pls come home

 

 **jeongsnake:** R O C K E T T I T T I E S

 

 **seungsnake:** nvm you can sleep there

 

-☆-

 

 **awholegay:** I WOULD LIKE TO THANK A CERTAIN PHOTOGRAPHY MAJOR

 **awholegay:** NAMED HONG JISOO

 **awholegay:** FOR GIVING ME THE GIFT OF A LIFETIME

**awholegay:**

 

 **awholegay:** thank you god

 

 **jisnake:** just doing the lords work

 

 **meowth:** THIS IS BIGGER THAN THE LORDS WORK

 **meowth:** LOOK AT MY MANS

**meowth:**

****

**meowth:** THATS A WHOLE MANS RIGHT THERE

 

 **sarangay:** um junhui i think u forgot that u also had a photo taken

**sarangay:**

****

**sarangay:**  fuck?? me?? on?? every?? surface?? possible???

 

 **awholegay:** im free at 3

 

 **sarangay:** see u then

 

 **dinomite:** nasty

 **dinomite:** but while we're screaming let's talk abt

 **dinomite:** MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND

**dinomite:**

****

**dinomite:**  LIKE HOLY SHIT CAN U BELIEVE THIS IS ACTUALLY MINE

 **dinomite:** fuCK

 

 **jisnake:** im glad you guys like the photos!!

 

 **meowth:** LIKE??

 **meowth:** I LOVE

 **meowth:** HYUNG IF UR PROJECT DOESNT WIN IM GONNA MARCH DOWN THERE AND BEAT SOME ASS

 

 **swagmoney:** okay but lets talk abt how soonyoung went from this

**swagmoney:**

****

**swagmoney:** to this

**swagmoney:**

 

 **dinomite:** get you a man that can do both

 **dinomite:** a multi-talented stud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen all im saying is pledis better no be fooling me with this dark concept shit and then giving me all fluffy shit come the actual comeback ok im prepared to fight  
> bUT THEY LOOK SO GOOOOOD
> 
> p.s. thanks for reading i can't believe im almost at 300 kudos??? who the fuck???? im not,,,crying,,,i swear,,,


	17. you cant spell brat without rat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **awholegay:** but like what if we spelt christ with a k  
>  **awholegay:** jesus fucking krist  
>  **awholegay:** jfk  
>  **awholegay:** john f kennedy  
>  **awholegay:** conspiracy theory john f kennedy was actually the reincarnation of jesus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternatively titled: ur a mean one mr. snitch  
> spaces in usernames are a thing now just pretend they've always been there

**_chat: are you half dickle (13)_ **

 

_**tree** renamed the chat **'merry fucking christmas ho'**  
_

 

 **tree:**  JUST HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS JINGLE-ING

 **tree:** RING TING-TINGLE-ING TOO

 

 **seungsnake:** COME ON IT'S LOVELY WEATHER

 **seungsnake:** FOR A SLEIGH RIDE TOGETHER WITH YOU

 

 **swagmoney:** OUTSIDE THE SNOW IS FALLING AND FRIENDS ARE CALLING

 **swagmoney:** YOU!

 **swagmoney:** HOO!

 

 **fuck:** COME ON IT'S LOVELY WEATHER FOR A SLEIGH RIDE TOGETHER WITH YOU

 

 **tree:** GIDDY-YAP GIDDY-YAP GIDDY-YAP

 **tree:** LET'S GO

 **tree:** LET'S LOOK AT THE SNOW

 

 **seungsnake:** WE'RE RIDING IN A WONDERLAND OF SNOW

 **seungsnake:** GIDDY-YAP GIDDY-YAP GIDDY-YAP

 **seungsnake:** IT'S GRAND

 **seungsnake:** JUST HOLDING YOUR HAND

 

 **swagmoney:** WE'RE GLIDING ALONG WITH THE SONG OF A WINTRY FAIRY LAND

 

 **fuck:** MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

 

 **seungsnake:** AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR

 

 **tree:** IT'S THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR

 **tree:** HALLOWEEN WHO?

 **tree:** I ONLY KNOW CHRISTMAS

 

 **swagmoney:** halloween idk her

 

 **fuck:** sounds like a disease

 

 **tree:** OH WAIT

 **tree:** I ALMOST FORGOT

 

_**tree** changed **fuck** 's username to **elf**_

_**tree** changed **swagmoney** 's username to **tinsol**  
_

_**tree**  changed  **seungsnake** 's username to  **papa claus** _

_**tree**  changed their username to  **christmas tree** _

 

 **christmas tree:**  i'll changed them when i think of something better

 

 **elf:** wanna die

 

_**christmas tree** changed **elf** 's username to **jigglyhoon**_

 

 **christmas tree:**  ahaha sorry auto correct aha

 

 **jigglyhoon:** that's what i thought

 

 **jessie:** what is this

 

 **awholegay:** it's an abomination that's what it is

 **awholegay:** this makes me s i c k

 

 **neonjeon:** it's november 1st

 **neonjeon:** halloween was literally yesterday

 

 **papa claus:** it's time to let go of the past wonwoo

 **papa claus:** and time to get into the hOLIDAY SEASON

 

 **tinsol:** FUCK YEAH CHRISTMAS

 

 **jigglyhoon:** WOOOO

 

 **dinomite:** TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY

 

 **james:** we're breaking up

 

 **dinomite:** wow

 **dinomite:** christmas would never treat me like this

 

 **james:** then maybe you should be christmas' boyfriend instead

 

 **sarangay:** if u think abt it

 **sarangay:** chan would lowkey be dating jesus

 

 **meowth:** chan and jesus

 

 **jeongsnake:** my new otp

 

 **dinomite:** maybe i will

 **dinomite:** i'll just give someone else that new video game you wanted

 **dinomite:** hansol u want a new video game for christmas

 

 **tinsol:** UM YES

 

 **james:** WAIT NO BABE I TAKE IT BACK

 **james:** IM SORRY PLS DONT LEAVE ME FOR JESUS

 

 **dinomite:** it's okay bby i forgive u

 **dinomite:** saranghae

 

 **james:** saranghae

 

 **jisnake:** did

 **jisnake:** did yall just write i love you

 **jisnake:** in romanization

 

 **jessie:** they did

 

 **jeongsnake:** yall speak korean i

 

 **jigglyhoon:** fucking koreaboos

 

 **neonjeon:** jfc

 

 **awholegay:** that just made me think of something

 

 **sarangay:** careful you might hurt yourself

 

 **awholegay:** choosing to ignore that

 **awholegay:** but like what if we spelt christ with a k

 **awholegay:** jesus fucking krist

 **awholegay:** jfk

 **awholegay:** john f kennedy

 **awholegay:** conspiracy theory john f kennedy was actually the reincarnation of jesus

 

 **tinsol:** stop

 

 **christmas tree:** what just happened

 

 **papa claus:** that hurt to read

 **papa claus:** i can feel a headache coming

 

 **awholegay:** just think about it

 

 **meowth:** no get away

 

-☆-

 

 **awholegay:** ok but think abt this

 

 **dinomite:** pls no more

 **dinomite:** it's three am

 

 **jeongsnake:** i still hurt from the last one

 

 **awholegay:** no no but listen

 **awholegay:** this one is good

 

 **jessie:**.....

 **jessie:**....go on..

 

 **awholegay:** what time do you think the earth was created

 

 **dinomite:** bye

 

 **jeongsnake:** nah man i dont fuck with shit like that nu uh

 

 **awholegay:** like

 **awholegay:** literally any time during the day could be the exact time the earth was created

 **awholegay:** and we wouldn't know

 

 **jessie:** someone pls get junhui to stop questioning everything before i actually cry

 **jessie:** pls and thank u

 

 **jeongsnake:** ur wishing for the impossible

 

 **jessie:** it was worth a shot

 

-☆-

 

 **james:** it's been a good few months for the seventeen squad

 

 **jigglyhoon:** that's the second time i've seen one of u say that in the gc and i still don't know what it means

 

 **christmas tree:** i said it last time

 **christmas tree:** it's our squad name

 

 **jigglyhoon:** ah yes now i remember

 **jigglyhoon:** i also remember telling u to never call us a squad again yet here u go

 

 **sarangay:** what a h8er

 

 **dinomite:** im blocking minghao i never want to see someone write hater like that again

 

 **sarangay:** i

 

 **jisnake:** omg did you actually block him

 

 **meowth:** nah he's a brat but he's never actually blocked one of us before

 

 **sarangay:** JHRIOUGIWRU

 **sarangay:** RAT

 **sarangay:** FIGHT ME LIKE A MA N

 

 **dinomite:** hi hello (by day6) i can no longer see minghao's messages but i've known him long enough to know he's complaining

 **dinomite:** someone pls tell him to stfu and no i will not "fight him like a man"

 **dinomite:** also tell him that i wont answer his instagram dm and he better stop before i block him there too

 

 **awholegay:** amazing

 

 **tinsol:** hey hao chan said ur a pussy

 

 **dinomite:** or i guess that works too

 

 **sarangay:** YFGEFUI SQAURE UP

 **sarangay:** UR THE REASON U CANT SPELL BRAT WITHOUT RAT

 **sarangay:** TELL HIM TO UNBLOCK ME

 

 **tinsol:** chan hao said ur an even bigger pussy

 

 **sarangay:** im gonna choke myself

 

 **meowth:** kinky

 

 **sarangay:** im leaving

 

-☆-

 

 **james:** i just realized i never finished what i was saying earlier

 

 **neonjeon:** you really don't have to

 

 **james:** ur only saying that bc u know what i was going to say

 

 **neonjeon:** u right

 

 **jisnake:** what were you going to share with us soonyoung

 

 **james:** jisoo, a true angel

 **james:** well u know how u did that photoshoot with a ton of us and we all had a huge nut over it

 **james:** another photography major asked chan to be his model for his project and he accepted and i

 **james:** cant breathe

 **james:** i'd say my boy looks like an angel but even angels are jealous of him

 

 **dinomite:** SOONYOUNG

 

 **james:** no dont stop me you know im right

 **james:** chan

 **james:** chan stop trying to take my phone away from me

 **james:** i wanna show them the photo

 **james:** chAN

 

 **dinomite:** :(

 

 **neonjeon:** little side note

 **neonjeon:** the photo soonyoung has isn't the professional copy

 **neonjeon:** they're the photos he took himself while stalking the shoot

 

 **james:** yoU SNITCH

 **james:** and i wasn't stalking, i was simply supporting my baby

 **james:** i was being a good boyfrien d

 

 **neonjeon:** you can't be that good if ur bf almost left u for jesus

 

 **james:** lisTEN

 

 **jisnake:** hurry up soonyoung i wanna see my angel bby

 

 **dinomite:** who are u jeonghan

 

 **jisnake:** actually yes

 **jisnake:** jisoo went to the bathroom and im too lazy to reach for my own phone

 **jisnake:** so im using his

 

 **dinomite:** oh

 

 **james:**!!!

 **james:** right okay

**james:**

****

**james:**  my boyfriend is so soft

 **james:** so angelic

 **james:** a soft angel

 

 **jisnake:** aw channie you look so good!!

 **jisnake:** this is jisoo again btw

 

 **neonjeon:** how was ur pee hyung

 

 **jisnake:** it was great ty for asking

 

 **jeongsnake:** IHFOFJBBD IM SCREAMING

 

 **jisnake:** he is indeed screaming

 **jisnake:** jeonghan pls be quiet seungcheol is trying to sleep

 

 **jeongsnake:** I CANT JISOO

 **jeongsnake:** LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL BABY WHOM I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART WTF

 **jeongsnake:** but didn't wonwoo say you didn't have the professional pictures?

 **jeongsnake:** these look pretty professional

 

 **james:** oh yeah that's bc they are

 **james:** i had the guy email me all the shots after he submitted them to his professor

 **james:** im not gonna share the others they're too precious to give out

 **james:** boyfriend privileges

 

 **dinomite:** not this again

 

 **james:** i just really love being your boyfriend

 **james:** i really love you

 

 **dinomite:** i really love you too

 **dinomite:** <3

 

 **james:** i think my heart just exploded

 **james:** come here so i can snuggle you to death

 

 **dinomite:** please dont

 

 **james:** too late

 

 **dinomite:** update i am now suffocting in soonyoung's arms

 **dinomite:** typing is getting incerrOIWN HARDE=DW3R

 

 **james:** whoops

 

_**james** changed **dinomite** 's username to **angel baby**_

 

 **jeongsnake:** and soonchan continue to be the softest couple ever

 **jeongsnake:** after witnessing that in action i feel like all is well in the world

 **jeongsnake:** my crops are growing

 **jeongsnake:** my plants are flourishing

 **jeongsnake:** my grades are high

 **jeongsnake:** the birds are singing

 **jeongsnake:** goodnight world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is like really shitty but so am i. shitty chapter aside let's talk abt some thinGS
> 
> number 1: remember that chanbaek fic i mentioned awhile ago? yeah guess who finally start writing it. but also guess what won't be finished until probably around christmas lmao. bUt i do wanna publish something new before then but it can't be something too time consumming bc i still gotta keep writing the chanbaek fic so i was thinking on publishing an instagram au bc it's easy. the important part of this message is which ship you'd rather: an exo ship(literally any besides chanbaek)(but not a ship that includes either of them)(unless it's chanhun i love chanhun), yoonkook or taekook(bts), hyungwonho(monsta x), or dongbin/moonmin/whatever the fuck it is(astro)
> 
> number 2: THE ALBUM HIGHLIGHT FOR SVT WAS SO FUCKING VIUEGRUQIGB IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS COMEBACK IM GONNA SHIT MYSELF I CANT WAIT ANY LONGER  
> AND SPEAKING OF COMEBACKS ASTRO MY BOYS !!! THEIR NEW SONG CRAZY SEXY COOL IS SO SO SO GOOD I LOVE MY TALENTED SONS PLS STAN ASTRO AND SUPPORT THEIR NEW MINI ALBUM


	18. lee taeyong: a Whole Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **dogyeom:** i was thinking  
>  **dogyeom:** if i were to marry jihoon  
>  **dogyeom:** whose last name do you think we would use  
>  **dogyeom:** mine or his  
>  **jisnake:** ....  
>  **dolphin mom:** oh Honey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)) you're gonna need these
> 
> jooheon: winnie the pooh  
> changkyun: kyunnie  
> hyungwon: turtle  
> minhyuk: dolphin mom  
> kihyun: slave  
> wonho: ramen slut  
> hyunwoo: dad

_**chat: merry christmas hos (13)** _

 

_**james** changed their username to **naega hosh**_

 

 **naega hosh:** my name is giving me war flashbacks **  
**

**naega hosh:** i already regret everything

 **naega hosh:** anyway

 **naega hosh:** im in Love

 

 _**meowth** _ _changed their username to **dogyeom**_

 

 **dogyeom:**  i'll join you with the war flashbacks

 **dogyeom:** and we Know

 

 **naega hosh:** but it's not chan i'm in love with

 

 **dogyeom:** what

 

 **jeongsnake:** what

 

 **papa claus:** what

 

 **christmas tree:** what

 

 **angel baby:** what

 

 **naega hosh:** wAIT THAT SOUNDED WRONG

 **naega hosh:** I DIDN'T MEAN I DONT LOVE CHAN

 **naega hosh:** I LOVE CHAN VERY MUCH

 **naega hosh:** WHAT I MEANT WAS I WASNT TALKING ABOUT CHAN

 

 **jigglyhoon:** are you cheating on chan

 

 **angel baby:** :((

 

 **naega hosh:** NO OH MY GOD

 **naega hosh:** CHAN BABY DONT FROWN

 **naega hosh:**   LET ME EXPLAI N

 

 **jisnake:** go on

 

 **naega hosh:** okay so nct 127 released the japanese version of limitless

 **naega hosh:** and i am on the

 **naega hosh:** f l o o r

 

 **jessie:** ME TOO SOON ME TOO

 **jessie:** oh wait

 

_**jessie** changed their username to **jeju prince**_

 

 **jeju prince:** IT WAS SO GOOD

 **jeju prince:** im convinced they got a new stylist bc they actually looked really good

 

 **awholegay:** RIGHT

 **awholegay:** THEY LOOKED AMAZING

 

 **naega hosh:** k but what i was talking abt was

 **naega hosh:** the King of korea

 **naega hosh:** a literal God

 **naega hosh:** lee taeyong

 **naega hosh:** that is a Whole Man right there

 **naega hosh:** but like jaehyun needs to sit down and stay away from my bias list thanks

 

 **jeongsnake:** it's impossible to have a bias in nct

 

 **naega hosh:** listen i can try okay

 

 **jeongsnake:** i think everyone stans taeyong. just a little bit

 

 **christmas tree:** how can you Not

**christmas tree:**

****

**christmas tree:**  just look at him

 **christmas tree:** he's ethereal

 

 **tinsol:** fUCK

 **tinsol:** look at his jawline

 **tinsol:** i want lee taeyong to stab me to death with his jawline

 

 **sarangay:** Mood

 

 **naega hosh:** mmmmmmmMmMMMMMMMMMSTOP

 **naega hosh:** IM TOO SOFT FOR HIM

 **naega hosh:** HES SO BEAUTIFUL

 **naega hosh:** AND HE LOOKS SO AGGRESSIVE AND POWERFUL BUT ACTUALLY HES SUCH A SOFTIE

 

 **sarangay:** one of my fav videos on youtube is a compilation of people being shook by his beauty

 

 **christmas tree:** I KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABT

 **christmas tree:** my favorite part is when that guy is fixing taeyong's mic then suddenly looks up at him

 **christmas tree:** and gets all flustered and is like "oh so handsome"

 **christmas tree:** bc me too

 

 **jeongsnake:** IVE SEEN THAT ONE

 **jeongsnake:** HES SO SOFT AND HUMBLE

 

 **neonjeon:** chan's been very quiet

 **neonjeon:** do you think he's jealous of taeyong

 

 **papa claus:** who isn't

 

 **neonjeon:** not what i meant

 

 **jeju prince:** idk

 **jeju prince:** hey chan are you dead

 

 **angel baby:** sorry im here

 

 **jigglyhoon:** what were you doing

 

 **angel baby:** staring at the picture of taeyong and crying

 **angel baby:** he's so ethereal it's unreal

 **angel baby:** i dont even know what to do with myself

 

_**naega hosh** renamed the chat **'lee taeyong appreciation club'**_

 

 **jisnake:** finally a name we can all agree on

 

 **naega hosh:** a man so beautiful he brings people together

 

-☆-

 

 **naega hosh:** im bored

 **naega hosh:** i need excitement in my life

 

 **awholegay:** why are you always the first one to type in the gc

 

 **naega hosh:** bc im obviously the only one who cares abt keeping this chat alive

 

 **jigglyhoon:** you're right

 

 **jeju prince:** you'll come around one day jihoon

 

 **jigglyhoon:** me never liking this group chat? it's more likely than you think

 

 **naega hosh:** I HAVE AN IDEA

 

 **neonjeon:** oh no

 

 **naega hosh:** shut up

 **naega hosh:** what if i added more people into the chat

 

 **papa claus:** there are already 13 of us in this chat

 **papa claus:** does it even allow more people to be added

 

 **awholegay:** of course it does

 

 **naega hosh:** great if everyone agrees then I'll add them

 

 **neonjeon:** no soonyoung wait

 

_**naega hosh** added **winnie the pooh** , **kyunnie** , **turtle** , **dolphin mom** , **slave** , **ramen slut** , and **dad** to **'lee taeyong appreciation club'**_

 

 **winnie the pooh:**  SOONYOUNG

 

 **naega hosh:** JOOHEON

 

 **winnie the pooh:**  SOONYOUNG

 

 **naega hosh:** JOOHEON

 

 **winnie the pooh:**  SOONYOUNG

 

 **naega hosh:** JOOHEON

 

 **winnie the pooh:**  SOONYOUNG

 

 **naega hosh:** JOOHEON

 

 **winnie the pooh:**  SOONYOUNG

 

 **naega hosh:** JOOHEON

 

 **slave:** oh my god shut uP

 

 **jigglyhoon:** oh thank god i was about to leave again

 

 **jeju prince:** you would've left anyway

 

 **jigglyhoon:** u right

 

 **papa claus:** ah hyunwoo hi!

 

 **dad:** seungcheol it's good to see you

 

 **sarangay:** omg he even texts like a dad

 **sarangay:** the true dad team

 

 **dogyeom:** who's the mom team

 

 **sarangay:** idk man

 

 **winnie the pooh:** well minhyuk's username is dolphin mom

 **winnie the pooh:** but kihyun is the real Mom

 

 **slave:** hardly

 **slave:** if you were all my children i'd put each and every one of you up for adoption

 **slave:** except changkyun

 **slave:** i like changkyun

 

 **jeongsnake:** same

 **jeongsnake:** i'd keep chan but the rest of you are gone like the wind

 

 **kyunnie:** ily mom

 

 **angel baby:** ily mom

 

 **kyunnie:**!!!!! channie !!!!

 

 **angel baby:**!!!!!! kyunnie !!!!

 

 **kyunnie:** how have you been lately ( ´ ▽ ` )

 

 **angel baby:** ahh i've been good!! how about you?

 

 **kyunnie:** i've been really good!!!

 

 **ramen slut:** ya know i'd be mad abt the whole adoption thing but

 **ramen slut:** that whole thing was so pure and soft that i cant find it in me to be angry

 **ramen slut:** can i adopt chan

 

 **jeongsnake:** stay away from my son

 

 **ramen slut:** :((

 

 **turtle:** babe we already have changkyun

 **turtle:** one child is enough

 

 **ramen slut:** but chan is so cute :((

 

 **naega hosh:** rt

 

 **dad:** hey where's minhyuk?

 

 **dolphin mom:** HIIIII

 **dolphin mom:** sorry im late i was finishing up a paper that's due in a few days

 **dolphin mom:** how is everyone ♡✧( ु•⌄• )

 

 **dogyeom:** minhyuk !!!

 

 **dolphin mom:** seokmin !!!

 

 **neonjeon:** nope i'm leaving

 **neonjeon:** this is too much

 **neonjeon:** i can't handle all of this positive energy

 

 **ramen slut:**???

 

 **christmas tree:** sorry he's emo

 

 **slave:** ah we have one of those two

 

 **kyunnie:** im not emo!!!

 

 **neonjeon:** fuck off im not emo

 

 **tinsol:** wonwoo yesterday i told you mcr weren't a band anymore and you started to cry

 

_**neonjeon** has left the chat_

 

-☆-

 

_**dogyeom** created **'the lee squad'**_

_**dogyeom**  added  **jigglyhoon** and  **angel baby** to  **'the lee squad'** _

 

 **dogyeom:** hi guys !!

 

 **jigglyhoon:** i can't keep track of all these chats

 

 **angel baby:** hyung why did you make a chat with just us

 

 **dogyeom:** idk i thought it'd be fun

 **dogyeom:** bc we're all lees

 **dogyeom:** so we can be the lee squad

 

 **jigglyhoon:** that's so precious what the fuck

 

 **angel baby:** the lee squad

 **angel baby:** i like it

 **angel baby:** there's one more lee than there are chois

 **angel baby:** us lees are superior

 **angel baby:** we shall dominate every else

 

 **dogyeom:** um

 

 **jigglyhoon:** i like the way you think kid

 

 **angel baby:** we should add minhyuk and jooheon to increase our lee army

 

 **jigglyhoon:** go for it

 

_**angel baby** added **winnie the pooh** and **dolphin mom** to **'the lee squad'**_

_**angel baby** renamed the chat **'lee world domination'**_

 

 **angel baby:**  welcome to the lee cult we're planning world domination

 

 **dolphin mom:** lit

 

 **winnie the pooh:** glad to be included

 

 **dogyeom:** i suddenly regret making this chat

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: lee taeyong appreciation club (20)** _

 

 **winnie the pooh:**  why did i just see hansol run past my dorm in nothing but his pokemon boxers

 

 **turtle:** im so happy you took notice to the type of boxers he had on

 

 **jeju prince:** that fucker ate my chips so i beat him with my sneaker until he ran out the door

 

 **tinsol:** i told him i'd buy him more but apparently that wasn't good enough

 

 **jeju prince:** of course it wasn't

 **jeju prince:** i may be able to buy more of the chips

 **jeju prince:** but no bag will be like that bag

 

 **awholegay:** that was so fake deep

 

 **baby angel:** hansol pls stop hiding behind the plant in the hallway outside my apartment

 **baby angel:** you're gonna scare our neighbors

 

 **tinsol:** chan why did you give away my hiding spot now he'll find me

 

 **baby angel:** your boxers are bright fucking yellow those alone would have given you away

 **baby angel:** just come inside and please put on some clothes

 **baby angel:** those things are so ugly i may go blind if i look at them any longer

 

 **tinsol:** okay okay im coming stop attacking me

 

 **jeju prince:** this isn't over choi

 

 **tinsol:** let me livE

 

-☆-

 

 **dogyeom:** i was thinking

 **dogyeom:** if i were to marry jihoon

 **dogyeom:** whose last name do you think we would use

 **dogyeom:** mine or his

 

 **jisnake:**....

 

 **dolphin mom:** oh Honey

 

 **jigglyhoon:** seokmin are you serious

 

 **dogyeom:** what??

 **dogyeom:** oh my god does the thought of marrying me not appeal to you

 **dogyeom:** im sorry i didn't even think abt that please ignore me forget i said anything

 

 **jigglyhoon:** no no minnie that's not it

 **jigglyhoon:** the thought of marrying you very much appeals to me it's just

 **jigglyhoon:** baby did you forget we have the same last name

 

 **dogyeom:** ,,,,

 **dogyeom:** suddenly i can't read

 

 **sarangay:** JHAOHBAHAHAHA

 

 **turtle:** OH MY GOD HQIURGOQBURGQUB

 **turtle:** THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT'S HAPPENED ALL DAY

 

 **dogyeom:** i

 **dogyeom:** wow

 **dogyeom:** i

 

 **naega hosh:** SEOKMIN

 **naega hosh:** BUDDY

 

 **papa claus:** i'd comfort you but

 **papa claus:** even i dont know how to save you from that one

 

 **dogyeom:** that's it

 **dogyeom:** im leaving

 **dogyeom:** im changing my name and moving to a new country

 **dogyeom:** lee seokmin of south korea is no more

 **dogyeom:** i am now austin smith of north america

 **dogyeom:** goodbye my friends

 

 **sarangay:** bye bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're gonna pretend all of monsta x are close to seventeen's ages okay  
> in honor of both my babies comebacks, here's a lil special chapter i love them both so much ahhH  
> anyway remember when i mentioned i wanted to right a small lil fic? yeah so i decided to ditch the single ship idea and i made a svt instagram au set in the same universe as this fic. i published it last night and some of you have already seen it but for those of you who haven't, you can just go to the info for this fic and hit the option to go to the second fic in my new series, real gays of seventeen
> 
> and now, comeback talk.
> 
> clap was so good honestly seventeen never fail to impress me and soonyoung looked so goOD FUCK i am the #1 red haired soonyoung enthusiast. chan looked really grown up too i love his lil curls in his hair
> 
> anD DRAMARAMA FUCK  
> YALL HYUNGWON IN A SUIT IS SO FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL WHY IS HE SO BEAUTIFU L  
> but like the video was so so pretty especially the rain scene and sigh it's just been a good week for comebacks
> 
> ( !!! astro and victon also both came back and they were both amazing songs!! crazy sexy cool was so catchy and remember me was so soft and my boy subin looks amazing pls stan them both!)


	19. food wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **dogyeom:** stop dabbing  
>  **sarangay:** wtf that's like telling me to stop breathing  
>  **dogyeom:** also an option

_**chat: lee taeyong appreciation club (20)** _

 

 ** _papa claus_** _kicked **winnie the pooh** and **6 others** out of the chat_

 

 **naega hosh:** monster

 

 **papa claus:** listen 20 ppl is a

 **papa claus:** lot.

 **papa claus:** im a stressed dad i dont need more children

 

 **jeju prince:** but hyunwoo hyung was here

 **jeju prince:** there were two dads

 

 **papa claus:** i'd need 100 dads to handle all you fuckers at once

 

 **awholegay:** i'd be offended if i didn't accept that it's true

 **awholegay:** we're a fucking mess

 

 **jisnake:** that reminds me of smth

 **jisnake:** we are the

 **jisnake:** uh

 

 **tinsol:** foREIGN SWAGGERS

 

 **jisnake:** yEaH

 

 **tinsol:** jOHNNY'S GONNA FREESTYLE

 **tinsol:** I LIVED IN AMERICA FOR FOUR YEARS

 

 **naega hosh:** be there or be square

 **naega hosh:** and no one wants to be a square

 

 **jisnake:** that's why im here man

 

 **tinsol:** ITHATD WHY IM SHR EMAN

 **tinsol:** fuck i wasnt fast enough

 

 **jisnake:** soonyoung you were early

 **jisnake:** how can you call yourself an nct stan

 

 **naega hosh:** im so sorry for my sin

 **naega hosh:** pls forgive me for my wrong doing

 **naega hosh:** i will try harder in the future to be a better stan

 

 **jisnake:** you are forgiven

 **jisnake:** but this better not happen again

 

 **naega hosh:** aye aye captain

 

 **papa claus:** can we go one day

 **papa claus:** just

 **papa claus:** one.

 **papa claus:** day.

 **papa claus:** without mentioning nct

 

 **jisnake:** um no??

 **jisnake:** who r u?????

 

 **tinsol:** did u really just ask that

 **tinsol:** im offended you're violating my human rights

 

 **papa claus:** what

 **papa claus:** that doesn't even make sense

 

 **naega hosh:** srry pops

 **naega hosh:** but i cant go against my religion :/

 

 **papa claus:** i hate

 **papa claus:** all of you

 

**jisnake:**

****

 

-☆-

 

 **neonjeon:**  it is

 **neonjeon:** three

 **neonjeon:** in the god damn morning

 **neonjeon:** why is exo's mama playing loudly down the hall

 **neonjeon:** seokmin

 

 **dogyeom:** CARELESS

 **dogyeom:** CARELESS

 **dogyeom:** SHOOT ANANONOMYUS

 

 **jeongsnake:** ananonomyus

 

 **dogyeom:** wanna get fought

 

 **jeongsnake:** srry im not an animal abuser

 

 **jigglyhoon:** damn

 

 **dogyeom:** anyway

 **dogyeom:** i Love exo

 

 **papa claus:** can yall stop being gay over idols

 **papa claus:** just once

 **papa claus:** pls

 

 **dogyeom:** i'll stop being gay over idols when you stop listening to girls generation on repeat

 **dogyeom:** that's right

 **dogyeom:** you're not as lowkey as you thought you were

 

 **papa claus:** you shut your fucking mouth

 

 **sarangay:** nowadays if i dont watch the marshmallow video daily. i'll die

 **sarangay:** i will implode

 

 **angel baby:** MARSHMALLOW

 **angel baby:** M A RSH MA L L O W

 

 **papa claus:** im putting you all up for adoption

 **papa claus:** goodbye fuckers.

 

-☆-

 

 **christmas tree:** i have a paper due for one of my classes in

 **christmas tree:** 13 hours

 **christmas tree:** and i have not done a thing

 **christmas tree:** im just gonna accept the failing grade now

 **christmas tree:** graduating who??

 **christmas tree:** i only know giving up and pretending my work doesn't exist

 

 **jisnake:** mood

 

 **jigglyhoon:** then do a thing

 

 **christmas tree:** wow what great advice

 **christmas tree:** never thought of that one

 

 **jisnake:** mingyu i know ur stressed but

 **jisnake:** stop before he shows up to ur dorm with his guitar

 **jisnake:** again

 

 **jigglyhoon:** no keep going

 

 **christmas tree:** i just

 **christmas tree:** dont know what to do

 **christmas tree:** i hate majoring in biochemistry

 **christmas tree:** but it's too late to switch

 

 **neonjeon:** um no??

 **neonjeon:** it's not??

 **neonjeon:** mingyu if you're not happy doing it then do something that makes you happy

 **neonjeon:** getting a degree in something you hate is pretty much just setting you up for a miserable life

 

 **christmas tree:**  but if i switch my parents will be mad at me :((

 

 **neonj** **eon:** baby you're not a kid anymore

 **neonjeon:** you're an adult now

 **neon** **jeon:** you cant let your parents run your life

 

 **christmas tree:** but they pay for my tuition

 **christmas tree:** what if they stop bc i switched

 **christmas tree:** then i wouldn't be able to go to college period

 **christmas tree:** i cant afford that on my own

 

 **neonjeon:** if that happens we'll figure something out

 **neonjeon:** im not gonna sit here and watch you continue to stress and beat yourself up over something you dont want to be doing

 **neonjeon:** college is supposed to be the years where we learn what we like

 **neonjeon:** so do that

 

 **christmas tree:** i've always wanted to do something with acting and film

 

 **neonjeon:** then do it

 

 **christmas tree:** idk

 **christmas tree:** i'll think about it

 

 **neonjeon:** that's good enough for me

 

 **jisnake:** wo w

 

 **jigglyhoon:** yea h

 

-☆-

 

 **awholegay:** i need to go buy a new teapot now

 **awholegay:** im a broke college student with a low paying job i dont need this

 

 **angel baby:** why do you need a new teapot

 

 **awholegay:** i was leaning against the stove and accidentally turned on the flame and couldn't figure out how to turn it off

 **awholegay:** and then

 **awholegay:** my teapot just

 **awholegay:** set on fire

 

 **jeongsnake:** oh my god

 

 **awholegay:** flames were there

 

 **jeju prince:** are you okay is your house okay

 

 **sarangay:** is our. house okay

 

 **awholegay:** my house is 100% not on fire

 **awholegay:** my teapot is dead tho

 

 **jeju prince:** rip teapot you'll be missed

 

 **awholegay:** i mean

 **awholegay:** i

 **awholegay:** i dont think i've ever used the teapot?

 **awholegay:** but like

 **awholegay:** it was a nice teapot

 

 **sarangay:** it was also my teapot

 

 **awholegay:** wow would u look at the time

 **awholegay:** my fish is calling me gotta blast

 

 **jeju prince:** our excuses are so out there at this point

 **jeju prince:** we've really given up

 

 **jeongsnake:** my life story in four words

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: stressed parents of 10 (3)_ **

 

 **jisnake:** cheolie are you okay?

 

 **jeongsnake:**?????

 **jeongsnake:** is something wrong????

 

 **jisnake:** im not sure

 **jisnake:** i just came home from class and all the lights are off

 **jisnake:** at first i assumed no one was home but when i went into the room to change i saw seungcheol laying in bed

 **jisnake:** it seemed like he was just napping but he's just

 **jisnake:** staring at the wall

 **jisnake:** and he wont acknowledge me

 

 **jeongsnake:** so you tried the gc??

 

 **jisnake:** he picked up his phone so i thought it was worth a shot

 **jisnake:** im in the living room now bc i thought it'd be good to give him some space

 

 **jeongsnake:** that's it im coming home

 **jeongsnake:** just let me tell my boss im leaving early real quick

 

 **papa claus:** you don't have to do that hannie im fine

 

 **jeongsnake:** um?? im sorry but?? it doesn't sound like you're fine?? at all????

 

 **papa claus:** no really

 **papa claus:** it's just

 **papa claus:** do you guys feel like i dont belong in our relationship

 

 **jisnake:** who said that to you

 **jisnake:** who was it bc im gonna kick their ass i swear to god

 

 **papa claus:** no one said anything

 **papa claus:** i was just thinking

 **papa claus:** the two of you are so close and comfortable with each other

 **papa claus:** but im more awkward when it comes to things like affection

 

 **jeongsnake:**  cheolie we don't care how good you are at showing affection

 **jeongsnake:** that doesn't matter to us

 

 **jisnake:** we love you just the way you are

 **jisnake:** and i know that you didn't just come up with that so

 **jisnake:** please baby don't listen to what they said

 **jisnake:** this isn't a two-person relationship, there's three of us and there will always be three of us

 

 **jeongsnake:** yeah!!

 **jeongsnake:** this relationship wouldn't even be possible without you

 **jeongsnake:** you're the only reason jisoo and i met

 **jeongsnake:** we're jihancheol

 

 **jisnake:** and we can't be jihancheol without cheol :(

 

 **papa claus:** you're right

 **papa claus:** im sorry

 **papa claus:** pls forget this whole thing ever happened

 **papa claus:** i love you guys, im sorry i made you worry

 

 **jisnake:** we love you too cheolie, that's why we worry

 **jisnake:** im coming in to cuddle

 

 **jeongsnake:** well im certainly not letting you two cuddle without me so

 **jeongsnake:** i am now leaving work

 **jeongsnake:** boss be damned

 

 **jisnake:** hurry home <3

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: lee taeyong appreciation club (13)  
** _

 

 **jeongsnake:** hey jisoo **  
**

**jeongsnake:** hey

 **jeongsnake:** jisoo

 **jeongsnake:** JISOO GUESS WHAT

 

 **jisnake:** oh my god whAT

 

 **jeongsnake:** nothing i just love you

 

 **papa claus:** gay

 

 **jisnake:** w o W

 **jisnake:** i love you too <3

 

 **jeongsnake:** seungcheol im gay for you too

 

 **jisnake:** seungcheol im gay for you three

 

 **jeongsnake:** gay

 

 **tinsol:** wow,,,in front of MY salad??

 

 **jeju prince:** get out

 

 **jeongsnake:** hey

 **jeongsnake:** hey seungcheol

 **jeongsnake:** hey seungcheol hey

 

 **papa claus:** hey jeonghan hey

 

 **jeongsnake:** i love you and i cherish your existence

 

 **sarangay:** gay

 

 **jeongsnake:** and i want to hold you forever

 

 **angel baby:** suddenly im crying???

 

 **jeongsnake:** very tight bc you're actually smol and precious

 

 **papa claus:** my eyes are sweating

 

 **jeju prince:** i can feel the love radiating from over here

 

 **tinsol:** super gay

 

-☆-

 

 **tinsol:** so i was thinking

 

 **jigglyhoon:** didn't know you were capable of that

 

 **tinsol:** when will the day come where i can live my life safely

 

 **sarangay:** as long as im alive

 **sarangay:** never

 

 **tinsol:** brb adding minghao to my hit list

 

 **angel baby:** stop writing in your diary and tell us what u were thinking abt

 

 **tinsol:** rude

 **tinsol:** but i was thinking

 **tinsol:** what if we all had american names

 **tinsol:** like jisoo and i

 **tinsol:** are also joshua and vernon

 

 **dogyeom:** no you're gary and jared

 

 **tinsol:** im sorry what

 

 **jisnake:** like,,,

 **jisnake:** like the snail,,,,??

 

 **dogyeom:** joshua and vernon are too boring

 **dogyeom:** so i gave you more interesting names

 

 **jisnake:** im,,,a snail,,,

 

 **christmas tree:** always knew jisoo hyung was the real furry

 

 **dogyeom:** jeonghan is hank

 

 **naega hosh:** HAN K

 

 **dogyeom:** seungkwan is kenneth

 

 **jeju prince:** like the vine??

 **jeju prince:** pls tell me it's like the vine

 

 **dogyeom:** indeed

 

 **jeju prince:** bitchin

 

 **neonjeon:** did seungkwan just say bitchin and not get attacked for it,,

 **neonjeon:** who are you people and what have you done with the snakes i call friends

 

 **naega hosh:** im richard

 

 **jeongsnake:** why

 

 **naega hosh:** why the fuck not

 **naega hosh:** hank

 

 **jeongsnake:** i crave death

 

 **dogyeom:** im donald

 **dogyeom:** jihoon can be,,

 

 **angel baby:** jonathan

 

 **papa claus:** j ona tha n

 

 **jigglyhoon:** um i think the fuck not???

 

 **dogyeom:** suck it up buttercup

 

 **sarangay:** only seokmin can say that to jihoon and still live

 

 **dogyeom:** you're greg

 

 **sarangay:** why am i so white

 

 **dogyeom:** have you met yourself

 **dogyeom:** you're more white than hansol

 **dogyeom:** stop dabbing

 

 **sarangay:** wtf that's like telling me to stop breathing

 

 **dogyeom:** also an option

 

 **angel baby:** wonwoo is walter

 

 **neonjeon:** stop attacking me

 

 **angel baby:** don't tell me it doesn't fit

 **angel baby:** wonwoo is such a walter

 

 **jisnake:** holy fuck he is

 

 **jeju prince:** CAN MINGYU BE HAROLD

 **jeju prince:** PLEA,,S,E,

 

 **christmas tree:** i'll take it

 **christmas tree:** it could be worse

 

 **jeongsnake:** see kids

 **jeongsnake:** mingyu knows how to survive here

 

 **naega hosh:** chan can be chuck

 

 **angel baby:** like the maze runner??

 

 **awholegay:** but doesn't he

 

 **jisnake:** DONT.

 

 **papa claus:** please im still broken

 

 **awholegay:** im sorry my apologies

 **awholegay:** guess that means offering newt as a name is out of the question

 

 **dogyeom:** seungcheol can be christopher

 **dogyeom:** shortened to kris

 **dogyeom:** kris kringle

 

 **papa claus:** kris wu

 **papa claus:** oh,,

 

 **naega hosh:** wHOS THE GAY FANBOY NOW DAD HUH

 **naega hosh:** BUSTED DAD

 

 **papa claus:** i can't believe i just exposed myself

 

 **jigglyhoon:** so now there's just junhui left

 

 **dogyeom:** junhui can be

 

 **angel baby:** jerry

 

 **awholegay:** j

 **awholegay:** jerry

 

 **angel baby:** moon jerry

 

 **dogyeom:** it's a yes from me

 

_**angel baby** changed **awholegay** 's username to **moon jerry**_

 

 **moon jerry:**  im putting myself up for adoption

 

-☆-

 

 **jeju prince:** ok question

 **jeju prince:** when yall eat cereal

 **jeju prince:** do you put the milk or the cereal first

 

 **sarangay:** cereal??!?!?!??!

 

 **angel baby:** cereal

 

 **jeju prince:** okay you're safe

 

 **sarangay:** like a decent human being??? cereal goes first

 

 **jigglyhoon:** cereal

 

 **naega hosh:** people who put milk first are dead to me

 **naega hosh:** like

 **naega hosh:** what if you put too much milk???

 

 **jeju prince:** oh thank God there weren't any fakes here

 

 **angel baby:** cereal juice

 

 **jeju prince:** and this is where im gonna have to stop you

 

 **moon jerry:** nznnsnsjsjjs ok u know how there's that pineapple pizza debate rite

 

 **jisnake:** WRONG

 **jisnake:** NOT IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD 

 

 **neonjeon:** no pineapple on pizza

 

 **tinsol:** oh my god lets pls not start with that

 **tinsol:** ppl already hate me enough

 

 **jisnake:** in brooklyn there's a place that puts grapes on pizza

 

 **papa claus:** no

 

 **christmas tree:** i am

 **christmas tree:** speechless

 

 **papa claus:** thats a new level of wrong

 

 **angel baby:** suddenly brooklyn doesn't exist

 **angel baby:** im cancelling brooklyn

 **angel baby:** brooklyn? never heard of her

 

 **tinsol:** yall are gonna hate me tbh

 **tinsol:** but i like pineapple on pizza

 

 **jigglyhoon:** you would

 

 **jeju prince:** hansol??? cancelled

 

 **angel baby:** hansol who's that

 

 **sarangay:** i dont know a hansol

 

 **tinsol:** im leaving the group by e

 

 **naega hosh:** but like,,,

 **naega hosh:** why,,

 **naega hosh:** it doesn't belong,,,,

 

 **moon jerry:** IUIEFHOUEF THERE'S A PLACE IN NYC WHERE THEY PUT A WHOLE LOBSTER ON PIZZA

 

 **angel baby:** BYE

 **angel baby:** FORGET BROOKLYN

 **angel baby:** IM CANCELLING ALL OF NEW YORK

 

 **jeju prince:** FUCK NEW YORK

 **jeju prince:** why not just stick to good ol pepperoni

 

 **jeongsnake:** i like mushrooms

 **jeongsnake:** and olives

 

 **angel baby:** i dont like mushrooms or olives

 **angel baby:** but i understand them as toppings

 **angel baby:** unlike pineapple

 

 **papa claus:** i dont like mushrooms

 

 **jeongsnake:** seungcheol?? cancelled

 

 **angel baby:** mothr pls don't cancel me next

 **angel baby:** mother

 **angel baby:** nvm cancelling myself

 

 **jeongsnake:** chan?? can't spell mother?? cancelled

 

 **angel baby:** it's been real

 

 **jeongsnake:** me??? cancelling everyone??? cancelled

 

**angel baby:**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the longest chapter i've ever written bc wE HIT 400 KUDOS WHAT THE FCKK THANK YOU SO MUCH ????
> 
> ALSO INCORRECT7TEEN ON TUMBLR MY IDOL READ MY FIC TY TO EVERYONE WHO RECOMMENDED IT TO HER YALL THE REAL OGS


	20. jihoon's drunk adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **jeongsnake:** good morning lovelies  
>  **papa claus:** good morning sugarplums  
>  **jisnake:** mornin sluts  
>  **jeongsnake:** god dammit jisoo

_**chat: lee taeyong appreciation club (13)** _

 

 **jeju prince:** HAKDBSD

**jeju prince:**

**jeju prince:** LOUD EXCITED YELLING

 **jeju prince:** MY SONS

 **jeju prince:** MY BABIES

 **jeju prince:** BACK FROM THE WAR

 

 **naega hosh:** AHHHHHHHHHH

 **naega hosh:** I MISSED THEM

 

 **papa claus:** istg

 

 **jisnake:** dont try to act like you aren't excited too buddy

 **jisnake:** you look like youre gonna cry

 

 **papa claus:** you're dead to me

 

-☆-

 

 

 **dogyeom:** the names mingyu and wonwoo both have 6 letters

 **dogyeom:** 6+6=12

 **dogyeom:** there are 12 inches in a ruler

 **dogyeom:** queen elizabeth was a ruler

 **dogyeom:** they named a ship after queen elizabeth

 **dogyeom:** ships are in the sea

 **dogyeom:** fish are in the sea

 **dogyeom:** people from finland are known as fins

 **dogyeom:** finland and russia had a death match on rust

 **dogyeom:** russia is red

 **dogyeom:** dimitri patranko is a playable character in call of duty world at war

 **dogyeom:** in call of duty

 **dogyeom:** the scopes are circles

 **dogyeom:** pi is used to find the circumference of a circle

 **dogyeom:** the first number of pi is

 **dogyeom:** 3

 **dogyeom:** 3 sides of a triangle

 **dogyeom:** meanie = illuminati.................... confirmed

 

 **neonjeon:** seokmin what the fuck.

 

-☆-

 

 **jigglyhoon:** I just downed 3 bottles of soju im.a little past tipsy

 

 **moon jerry:** i can tell

 

 **jigglyhoon:** id.say like 60 percent

 **jigglyhoon:** but we got hella more soju so my aim is to be like 150 percent drunk

**moon jerry:** make good decisions

 

 **jigglyhoon:** I'll drink for u too

 **jigglyhoon:** yah

 **jigglyhoon:** I'LL DRUNK FOR EVERYONE IN THIS CHAT

 

 **moon jerry:** mmmmmmm okay have fun with that

 

 **jigglyhoon:** 15 SHOTS YALLLL

 

 **moon jerry:** THAT DOESNT SOUND LIKE A GOOD IDEA

 

 **jigglyhoon:** 15 sHOts YAll

 

 **moon jerry:** definitely not a good idea

 

 **jigglyhoon:** honestly tho, I'm at that point where I'm not tipsy. but I'm not drunk either

 **jigglyhoon:** and my plan is to get hella drunk

 

 **naega hosh:** ahhh a weird point

 

 **jigglyhoon:** yup

 

 **moon jerry:** ok get drunk but do it sAFELY

 

 **jigglyhoon:** but I want to get so drunk I want to forget my own name

 

 **naega hosh:** good luck

 

_**naega hosh** renamed the chat ' **jihoon's drunk adventures'**_

 

-☆-

 

**jigglyhoon:**

  
**christmas tree:** PHOTOGRAPHY SKILLS

 

 **jigglyhoon:** IM SUPROSED I EVEN GOT IT IN THE FRAME

**jigglyhoon:**

 

 **jigglyhoon:** just drank half in one go lmaooooo

 **jigglyhoon:** ok but seriously

 **jigglyhoon:** blease don't do what I do

 **jigglyhoon:** I'M gonna see this tomorrow and regrey

 **jigglyhoon:** regret

 

 **christmas tree:** yeah

 **christmas tree:** but i sure wont lmao

 **christmas tree:** catch me screenshotting all of this

 

-☆-

 

 **jigglyhoon:** lmaooo my one friend like,,, drunk texted her friends asshole ex bf

 

 **angel baby:** rip

 

 **jigglyhoon:** no it's okk,,, he she kind of asshole that only wants sex

 **jigglyhoon:** so my friend told him to stop being an asshole

 **jigglyhoon:** msmsjsbn

 **jigglyhoon:** her brother is passed off bc were s9l loud

 **jigglyhoon:** so

 **jigglyhoon:** nsbsisis we gotta shit up

 **jigglyhoon:** shut

 

 **tinsol:** shit up

 

 **jigglyhoon:** jjdjjajxj yeahhhh

 **jigglyhoon:** lmaoiiiiiii

 

 **angel baby:** lol

 

 **jigglyhoon:** +omkkm I turned off her phone is she doesn't do anything stuoid lmaoooooo

 **jigglyhoon:** ok so my friend had to throw up

 **jigglyhoon:** but it's ok

 **jigglyhoon:** but I help her hair up and I help her rinse hr mourh

 **jigglyhoon:** bc I want her yo be comfortable and happy

 **jigglyhoon:** so I help her be comfortable

 **jigglyhoon:** now. I lee

 **jigglyhoon:** pee

 **jigglyhoon:** and then I sleep

 **jigglyhoon:** I love u giys

 

 **angel baby:** awww love you too nighty

 **angel baby:** drink some water before going to bed

 

 **jigglyhoon:** ok

 **jigglyhoon:** I love u too

 **jigglyhoon:** but her brother maf

 **jigglyhoon:** and I'm sorry

 **jigglyhoon:** but we drunj

 **jigglyhoon:** and we sleep now

 

 **angel baby:** this is a ride

 

 **jigglyhoon:** do.goodnight

 

 **angel baby:** night

 

 **jigglyhoon:** so goodnight

 **jigglyhoon:** I love u

 

-☆-

 

 **jisnake:** hi it's 11pm but just a reminder that i would die for lee taeyong thank you and good night

 

 **jeongsnake:** WAIT BBY

 **jeongsnake:** PRIVATE CHAT I MUST SPEAK TO U

 

 **jisnake:** BLASTING TO THE PRIVATE CHAT

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: jisnake (2)** _

__

**jeongsnake:** I JUS WANNA REMIND U

 **jeongsnake:** UR PERFECT AND ILY???? LIKE EVERYTHING SHITTY IN UR LIFE CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF???? LIKE/?????????? THAT ONE PROJECT THAT WAS BS CAUSE U COULDNT FIND A SUBJECT???? BYE!!!!! UR SO STUNNING AND I LOV U AND YOU DESERVE THE WORLD

 **jeongsnake:** UR A SUPER TALENTED PHOTOGRAPHER

 **jeongsnake:** A RAELLY PRETTY BOY

 **jeongsnake:** AND UR FASHION???? LIKE FUCK ME UP

 **jeongsnake:** YA GLASSES ARE CUTE

 **jeongsnake:** AND YA INSTAGRAM IS AESTHETIC AS FUCK

 **jeongsnake:** AND LIKE UR SENSE OF HUMOUR/?????????? STEP ON ME

 **jeongsnake:** I STAN A GOLDEN KING

 **jeongsnake:** THANK U AND GOODNIGHT

 

 **jisnake:** im

 **jisnake:** wow can you believe how gay i am

 

 **jeongsnake:** if it's as gay as i am then y ea h

 

**jisnake:**

 

 **jisnake:** me bc im tearing up and i dont need thiS

 

 **jeongsnake:** oh do u want me to stop :))

 

 **jisnake:** no keep going

 

 **jeongsnake:** ok well

 **jeongsnake:** ur like super smart

 **jeongsnake:** lik

 **jeongsnake:** u have ace as fuck grades

 **jeongsnake:** like

 **jeongsnake:** taech me

 **jeongsnake:** and ur photography skills???????? FUCKKKKKKK me up

 

 **jisnake:** my photography skilLS ARE TRASH COMPARED TO YOURS LIKE??? HAVE YOU SEEN??? YOUR OWN PORTFOLIO???????? LIKE WOW FUCK ME UP WITH THOSE PHOTOS MMMM??? AND YOU THINK MY GRADES ARE GREAT?? UM LOOK AT YOURS AND YOU DO SO MANY THINGS AND YOU'RE ALWAYS BUSY PLEASE MAKE SURE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND SLEEP WELL AND EAT THREE MEALS A DAY AND STAY HYDRATED I DONT WANT YOU TO GET SICK AGAIN :((( AND YOURE SO PRETTY LIKE HOW TF YOURE A LITERAL GOD??? I WORSHIP YOU??? AND YOUR FASHION IS 10000000 TIMES BETTER THAN MINE YOURE MY FASHION KING AND YOUR INSTAGRAM IS LITERALLY GOALS I MEAN!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I WISH I COULD HUG YOU SUPER SUPER SUPER TIGHT AND NEVER LET YOU GO FOREVER AND EVER

 

 **jeongsnake:** i

 **jeongsnake:** i am weeping

 **jeongsnake:** i had to get up and change my pillowcase because the one i was using was wet with my tears

 **jeongsnake:** but its okay because this one is pink and soft and makes me think of you

 

 **jisnake:** pls omg

 **jisnake:** can you believe how gay and soft i am rn

 **jisnake:** i think i set a record

 

 **jeongsnake:** i believe it

 **jeongsnake:** bc me too

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: jihoon's drunk adventures_ **

 

 **jeongsnake:** sorry we were being gay

 **jeongsnake:** well. im still gay. but im just toning it down here

 

 **jisnake:** hi it is now 11:07pm and im just here to remind you all that i would die for yoon jeonghan thank you and goodnight

 

 **jeongsnake:** i

 **jeongsnake:** sdfghjknfs

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: stressed parents of 10 (3)** _

 

 **jeongsnake:** good morning lovelies

 

 **papa claus:** good morning sugarplums

 

 **jisnake:** mornin sluts

 

 **jeongsnake:** god dammit jisoo

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: jihoon's drunk adventures_ **

 

 **papa claus:** ahoy

 

 **tinsol:** one time i found a shoelace in my chips ahoy

 

 **papa claus:** omg

 **papa claus:** thats such a good deal tho like just think about it

 **papa claus:** u paid for chips but u got a shoe lace which would be much more expensive if ud buy it urself

 

 **tinsol:** hyung thats not what chips ahoy are

 

 **jeju prince:** a shoelace

 

 **tinsol:** do u even know what a chips ahoy is cheol

 

 **papa claus:** i dont

 

 **jeju prince:** cookies

 

 **tinsol:** theyre cookies

 

 **papa claus:** i thought u meant chips and just added ahoy at the end

 **papa claus:** oh

 

 **jeju prince:** omg

 

**tinsol:**

**tinsol:** it has a fucking shoe lace in it

 

 **papa claus:** theres

 **papa claus:** a shoelace in it

 

 **tinsol:** well gotta blast guys

 **tinsol:** looks like its time to go tie my shoes with my fuckin cookie lace

 

-☆-

 

 **tinsol:** i

 **tinsol:** guys

 **tinsol:** i

 **tinsol:** wow

 **tinsol:** i

 **tinsol:** can’t breathe

 **tinsol:** i am

 **tinsol:** q u a k i n g

 **tinsol:** in my boots

 **tinsol:** the mic drop remix is such a b o p

 

 **sarangay:** WHO TAUGHT THEM THE WORD THICC

 **sarangay:** W HO

 

 **angel baby:** taehyung and jeongguk singing aggressively in English??????

 **angel baby:** sign me the FUCK up

 **angel baby:** not to mention the mv is liT

 

 **sarangay:** SORRY BUT TAEKOOK IN THE MV IS OFFICIALLY THE HOTTEST THING EVER

 

 **jeju prince:** JFIDBDISBS

 **jeju prince:** Afghan

 

 **tinsol:** THERES NOTHING MORE ATTRACTIVE

 

 **jeju prince:** ahhHH

 

 **tinsol:** afghan lol

 

 **jeju prince:** i haven't watched it yet

 

 **dogyeom:** dude

 **dogyeom:** taekooks part

 

 **jeju prince:** I'm going to get out of bed

 

 **tinsol:** theyre literally like

 

 **angel baby:** T A E K O O K

 **angel baby:** ARE SO HOT

 

 **tinsol:** i was going to say angels but its pure sin

 

 **angel baby:** FAV AGGRESSIVE POWER COUPLE

 **angel baby:** FUCKIN SHIT UP WHILE BEIN IN LOVE

 

 **sarangay:** honestly i jus

 **sarangay:** ive never seen a couple look so hot while bighit's bein like 'no homo'

 **sarangay:** LIKE

 **sarangay:** THAT WAS

 **sarangay:** HOT

 **sarangay:** SRY

 **sarangay:** LIKE UH THERES NO OTHER WAY TO LOOK AT THIS

 **sarangay:** THATS SIN

 

 **tinsol:** FUCK IT UP KENNETH

 

-☆-

 

 **naega hosh:** y do the taekook conversations always happen while im gone

 **naega hosh:** this is literally homophobia

 **naega hosh:** i needa leave again bc im in dance practice rn but lemme just tell u that i love taekook

 

 **angel baby:** wait we have practice today??

 

 **naega hosh:** no

 **naega hosh:** well i mean i do

 **naega hosh:** but you dont

 **naega hosh:** you just stay at home and rest up bby

 

 **angel baby:** what are you doing with extra practice then

 

 **naega hosh:** im trying to choreograph a dance to one of the songs i picked for our next showcase

 

 **angel baby:** but hyuunnggg

 **angel baby:** i wanna help

 

 **naega hosh:** hnnngg

 **naega hosh:** have you eaten today

 

 **angel baby:** yup yup

 **angel baby:** breakfast and lunch

 **angel baby:** 2/3 of my daily meals

 **angel baby:** i also had a snack!!

 **angel baby:** they were baby carrots bc i like them better than full sized ones

 **angel baby:** bc baby carrots are babies and i love them

 

 **moon jerry:** i am

 **moon jerry:** weeping

 **moon jerry:** omg youre so prec i o u s

 **moon jerry:** chan pls never change

 

 **angel baby:** ???

 **angel baby:** okay?????

 

 **naega hosh:** well since youve eaten

 **naega hosh:** i guess you can come help me

 **naega hosh:** but not for long!!

 **naega hosh:** an hour tops

 **naega hosh:** and then we go home

 

 **angel baby:** roger that

 

 **naega hosh:** im in studio c

 

 **angel baby:** on my way!!! :)

 

 **papa claus:** soonchan, the talented dancer power couple

 

-☆-

 

 **jigglyhoon:** im awake but at what cost

 **jigglyhoon:** guys

 **jigglyhoon:** I've been awake for 20 minutes

 **jigglyhoon:** and I've already liked three times wow

 **jigglyhoon:** already puked

 

 **neonjeon:** lmao jihoon

 **neonjeon:** did you actually get so drunk you forgot your own name

 

 **jigglyhoon:** pretty close

 **jigglyhoon:** but now I'm hungover and I want to Die

 **jigglyhoon:** ok make that 4 times

 **jigglyhoon:** I would Rather be Dead

 

 **neonjeon:** honestly?

 **neonjeon:** me the fuck too

 

-☆-

 

 **christmas tree:** do y'all want to hear a pick up line?

 

 **moon jerry:** HOW MUCH DOES A POLAR BEAR WEIGH

 

 **christmas tree:** are u black friday?? bc damn what's ur problem

 

 **moon jerry:** ENOUGH TO BREAK THE ICE

 

 **jeju prince:** THAT IS NOT W PICK UP LINE MINGYU THATS DEADASS AN INSULT

 

 **christmas tree:** it's how I flirt

 **christmas tree:** ok I just realized that I said problem when I meant to say deal

 **christmas tree:** i always mess that up gdi

 

 **jeongsnake:** i have a pick up line, too!

 **jeongsnake:** hey, are you seeing someone? no? huh, really? just seems like you should be seeing a therapist or something,,

**jeju prince:** omg you guys these aren't ways to get a date

 **jeju prince:** theyre ways to make ppl cry

 

 **dogyeom:** hey i have a pick up line too

 **dogyeom:** wanna see

 **dogyeom:** hey jihoon

 

 **jigglyhoon:** hi

 

 **dogyeom:** jihoon ur cute please love me

 **dogyeom:** works every time

 

 **jigglyhoon:** but seokmin i already love you

 **jigglyhoon:** i'll just have to love you even more

 

 **dogyeom:** oh then it's okay no worries babe  <33

 **dogyeom:** thank u for your time  <33

 

 **christmas tree:** oooo i have a pickup line for wonu

 **christmas tree:** hey, wonu

 

 **neonjeon:** yes

 

 **christmas tree:** i'd say that you shine brighter than all of the stars combined, but i was blinded the moment i met you, so i'm not an accurate judge

 

 **neonjoen:** that's

 **neonjeon:** so fucking sweet

 

 **angel baby:** OH I HAVE ONE

 **angel baby:** SOONYOUNG

 

 **naega hosh:** CHANNIE

**jeju prince:** all this gay makes me powerful

 

 **angel baby:** the sky is beautiful but I’d rather look at you because you have more galaxies in your eyes than stars in the sky

 

 **naega hosh:** im,,,

 **naega hosh:** crying,,,,

 

 **christmas tree:** i must one-up

 **christmas tree:** wonu meet me on the doc

**naega hosh:** you cannot

 **naega hosh:** it's impossible

 

 **christmas tree:** YES I CA N

 

 **angel baby:** you can’t

 **angel baby:** we’re too gay

 

 **naega hosh:** YALL CUTE AF BUT JUST ACCEPT THAT THE GAYEST ONES HERE ARE UR FAV POWER COUPLE

 **naega hosh:** MIC DROP BAM

 

 **sarangay:** my fav power couple??

 **sarangay:** but taekook aren't in this chat??

 

 **naega hosh:** i

 

 **moon jerry:** MIC DROP

 **moon jerry:** B

 **moon jerry:** A

 **moon jerry:** M 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo i am on an updating roll today  
> thank you to everyone who reads this fic and making it #1 (at least in the soonchan tag) and for almost 450 kudos
> 
> and s/o to my svt enthusiasts for contributing to the conversations that make up this fic


	21. glucose father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **papa claus:** wow would u look at the time  
>  **papa claus:** i have to go shove candy canes up my ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so ya know how whenever the other members go into private chats or different groups but they still have the same usernames?? yeah im making that not a thing anymore, just letting yall know  
> annnnndddddd  
> nickelback: minhyuk (astro)  
> big daddy: minhyung (nct) (but bc i mention nct a lot we gonna pretend he isnt in nct ok)

**_chat: jihoon's drunk adventures_ **

 

 **angel baby:** it is currently 8:30am and my throat feels like someone fuckin clawed it, I keep coughing and sneezing and it just makes it worse and water only makes my throat feel more dry and my nose is all stuffed up and I can barely breathe and I just

 **angel baby:** i hate being sick :(

 

 **papa claus:** have you taken anything yet

 

 **tinsol:** babe :((

 

 **angel baby:** no cold medicine never works for me

 

 **tinsol:** but babe you're sick :((

 **tinsol:** are you okay??

 

 **angel baby:** well i mean i dont have a fever

 **angel baby:** so that's good

 

 **papa claus:** you should stay home channie

 

 **angel baby:** i want to

 **angel baby:** but idk if i can afford to miss classess

 

 **christmas tree:** hi yeah youre staying home idc

 **christmas tree:** is soonyoung home?

 

 **angel baby:** no he had an early class so he's been gone for awhile

 

 **christmas tree:** call him and ask him if he can pick you up some soup and cooling pads from the convenience store after his first class is over

 **christmas tree:** i know he has awhile until his next one so he should be able to bring it to you

 **christmas tree:** not that possibly being late to a class would stop him from taking care of you

 

 **papa claus:** maybe he'll even cuddle with you

 

 **angel baby:** he wont have that much time

 

 **papa claus:** maybe like

 **papa claus:** five minute cuddles

 

 **angel bay:** hyuunngg hushhh

 **angel baby:** you're making me want cuddles that i cant have

 

 **tinsol:** my first class isnt until 10

 **tinsol:** i can come cuddle you channie

 

 **angel baby:** the front door is unlocked just take off your shoes before you come in

 

 **christmas tree:** pure friendship 

 

-☆-

 

 **angel baby:** i just looked in the mirror for the first time since i woke up and

 **angel baby:** my nose is so red i looked like i tried to blow ronald macdonald

 **angel baby:** we dont have any moisturizer either

 **angel baby:** my nose is gonna be so dry

 

 **jigglyhoon:** lmao chan

 **jigglyhoon:** i can pick you some up after my classes are done for the day

 **jigglyhoon:** your apartment is on my way home so i can just stop by to drop it off

 

 **angel baby:** omg really

 

 **jigglyhoon:** yeah its no problem

 

 **angel baby:** ahh yes pls hyung youre the best

 

 **jigglyhoon:** i know

 

 **angel baby:** i'll pay you back when im no longer sick

 

 **jigglyhoon:** you really dont have to

 

 **angel baby:** but i want to

 **angel baby:** i'll buy you anything you want

 **angel baby:** or i could buy you dinner or smth

 

 **sarangay:** what are you his sugar daddy

 

 **jigglyhoon:** stop

 

 **moon jerry:** glucose father

 

 **angel baby:** LEAV E

 

-☆-

 

 **dogyeom:** yall real question right here

 **dogyeom:** why is it called bluetooth

 

 **sarangay:** I don’t need this rn

 **sarangay:** my ability to think is gone

 

 **jeju prince:** wasn't much there to begin with

 

 **neonjeon:** because of king harald bluetooth

 **neonjeon:** united scandinavia

 

 **dogyeom:** are u being serious

 

 **neonjeon:** yep

 **neonjeon:** he ruled denmark

 **neonjeon:** and then norway

 **neonjeon:** and then he united them and made scandinavia

 

 **jeju prince:** holy shit you aren’t kidding

 

 **dogyeom:** tf you're like a walking encyclopedia

 

 **neonjeon:** i am

 **neonjeon:** try me

 

 **sarangay:** could you imagine ur last name being bluetooth omg

 

 **neonjeon:** originally it was gormsson i do believe

 

 **jeju prince:** i feel like i just discovered the secrets of the universe

 

 **neonjeon:** ask me anything i am jesus

 

 **dogyeom:** if ur a walking encyclopedia

 **dogyeom:** can you tell me why my mom never texts me back

 

 **neonjeon:**  statistically

 **neonjeon:** most mother's dont answer texts for many reasons

 **neonjeon:** most mothers tend to have a slight superiority complex which leads them to believe that its unnecessary to reply to texts, due to their placement in society's hierarchical idea of a nuclear family

 

 **jeju prince:** what the fuck.

 

 **sarangay:**  I

 

 **dogyeom:** won, what on earth

 

 **neonjeon:** im not wrong

 **neonjeon:** thats why she doesnt text u

 **neonjeon:** boom

 **neonjeon:** youve been debunked

 

 **dogyeom:** incredible

 

 **neonjeon:** bam

 **neonjeon:** science

 

 **jeju prince:** thank you for knowledge wonwoo

 

 **sarangay:** but what if seokmin's mom doesn't text him back

 **sarangay:** bc she doesnt love him

 

 **dogyeom:** wow

 **dogyeom:** I see........

 **dogyeom:** I guess I’ll just.....

 **dogyeom:** move out now.......

 **dogyeom:** with no real job and nothing but a few movie theater tokens...............

 **dogyeom:** I’ll be living under a bridge for the rest of my cold and sad life........

 

 **jeju prince:** seokmin no

 

 **dogyeom:** other homeless people with laugh at me.........

 **dogyeom:** all my friends will forget I exist......

 **dogyeom:** I’ll look so pathetic that other homeless people will try to give me money...........

 **dogyeom:** and then 1682 days, 57 minutes, and 12 seconds after leaving home, I will dye alone under my bridge..........

 **dogyeom:** with nothing but my small box to keep me company in the afterlife...........

 

 **neonjeon:** dye

 

 **dogyeom:** fuck you u ruined the mood

 

-☆-

 

 **angel baby:** hi i'd like to just

 **angel baby:** take one second to

 **angel baby:** appreciate my boyfriend

 

 **christmas tree:** DID SOMEONE SAY SOONYOUNG APPRECIATION

 **christmas tree:** BC I AM HERE. FOR. IT.

 

 **jeju prince:** soon appreciation did you mean: big nut

 

 **sarangay:** honestly

 

 **jigglyhoon:** it may be hard to believe

 **jigglyhoon:** but i, too, am a soonyoung appreciation enthusiast

 

 **angel baby:** i just :(

 **angel baby:** love him so much :(

 

 **jeongsnake:** THAT BOY CAN PULL OFF LITERALLY ANY HAIR COLOR

 **jeongsnake:** HE'D PROBABLY LOOK GOOD WITH FUCKIN VOMIT GREEN WHEN WILL I EVER

 

 **angel baby:** HOLY FUCK HAVE YALL SEEN HIM AT ALL TODAY

 

 **moon jerry:** NO WHY

 

 **angel baby:** HE DYED HIS HAIR AGAIN

 

 **jisnake:** PICS OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN

 

 **angel baby:** SAY NO MORE

**angel baby:**

**angel baby:** i forced him to send me a get well selfie

 

 **jisnake:** i said pics plural i am not satisfied

 

 **angel baby:** im sorry this is all i have from him today

 **angel baby:** i'll be sure to demand more later

 **angel baby:** i do however have a collection from the last time he dyed his hair black

 **angel baby:** what am i saying i have a collection for all hair colors

 

 **tinsol:** S E N D T H E M

 **tinsol:** A

 **tinsol:** L

 **tinsol:** L

 

 **angel baby:** um of course??

**angel baby:**

**angel baby:**

**angel baby:**

**angel baby:**

**angel baby:**

**angel baby:**

**angel baby:**

**angel baby:**

****

**angel baby:**

****

**angel baby:**

****

 

 **neonjeon:** ah the red hair

 **neonjeon:** truly iconic

 

 **christmas tree:** i miss it

 

 **dogyeom:** me2

 

 **papa claus:** ok but soonyoung's eyes

 **papa claus:** are??

 **papa claus:** everything????

 

 **jeju prince:** FUCKING R T

 

 **moon jerry:** whenever i see people making fun of his eyes i just

 **moon jerry:** feel the urge to fight everyone who even breathed wrong in his direction

 **moon jerry:** like no

 **moon jerry:** shut the fuck up

 **moon jerry:** that's my son

 

 **christmas tree:** his laugh could cure anything

 

 **jigglyhoon:** it's so loud and pure i love it

 **jigglyhoon:** the littlest things make him so excited he's so soft

 

 **sarangay:** don't forget his smile

 **sarangay:** his lil hamster cheeks

 

 **angel baby:** HIS SMILE IS MY FAVORITE THING ABT HIM ALONG WITH HIS LAUGH

 **angel baby:** HE'S ALWAYS SMILING AND IT WARMS MY HEART BC HE'S SUCH A HAPPY PERSON HOW COULD ANYONE HURT THAT

 **angel baby:** I WANT TO PROTECT HIM FROM EVERYTHING BAD IN THE WORLD BUT I KNOW I CANT

 **angel baby:** SO INSTEAD I WILL APPRECIATE HIM UNTIL THE END OF TIME AND CONSTANTLY REMIND HIM HOW BEAUTIFUL AND WANTED AND LOVED HE IS

 **angel baby:** kwon soonyoung is the purest soul and i love him so much i want to spend the rest of my life with him ty and goodnight

 

-☆-

 

 **naega hosh:** guys omg

 **naega hosh:** i

 **naega hosh:** think i might cry

 **naega hosh:** i love you all??

 **naega hosh:** so much????

 **naega hosh:** like wtf did i do in my past life to deserve all of you

 **naega hosh:** im so emotional i dont need this right now im supposed to be teaching a cla s s

 **naega hosh:** also channie

 **naega hosh:** i wanna spend the rest of my life with you too

 

 **jeongsnake:** did i just witness a proposal 

 

 **jisnake:**  jeonghanpls

 

 **angel baby:** ahh not today hannie

 **angel baby:** but hopefully one day

 

 **naega hosh:** definitely one day

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: touch the gc name one more time mark i swear to fuck (3)** _

 

 **what the fuck richard:** YALL

 **what the fuck richard:** F UCK I N Y A LL 

 

 **nickelback:** CHAN

 **nickelback:** WHATS UP MY MAN

 

 **big daddy:** WHATWHATWHA T

 

 **what the fuck richard:** I THINK SOONYOUNG AND I

 **what the fuck richard:** JUST AGREED TO GET MARRIED IN THE FUTURE

 

 **big daddy:** UHHHH CAN I GET A

 **big daddy:** FUCK YE A H

 

 **nickelback:** i call being ur best man

 

 **big daddy:** tf no i am

 

 **what the fuck richard:** why cant u both be my best man

 

 **big daddy:** bc im better than him???

 

 **nickelback:** okay mork

 

 **big daddy:** suck my toe gravel

 

 **what the fuck richard:** ladies pls

 

 **nickelback:** okay okay

 **nickelback:** but seriously, congrats channie!!

 

 **big daddy:** we all knew it was gonna happen one day and here we are

 **big daddy:** witnessing it with our own gay eyes

 

 **nickelback:** truly one for the history books

 

 **big daddy:** we shall write it in stone

 

 **what the fuck richard:** you're both insufferable 

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: jihoon's drunk adventures (13)** _

 

 **angel baby:** so i went back to classes today

 **angel baby:** and my day is already off to a bad start

 **angel baby:** I went to tie my boots this morning and my lace broke

 **angel baby:** so now the only thing keeping it tied is a knot

 **angel baby:** end my life

 

 **naega hosh:** where r u

 

 **angel baby:** outside the science building why

 

 **naega hosh:** dont move i'll be there with a new lace in five

 

 **angel baby:** aren't you on the other side of campus????

 

 **naega hosh:** i will be there

 **naega hosh:** in five

 

 **angel baby:** you're the love of my life

 

 **tinsol:** get you a man

 

-☆-

 

 **moon jerry:** some asshole spilt glitter all over the bus seat and now my ass is gonna sparkle

 

 **neonjeon:** spilled

 **neonjeon:** is the correct form of that word

 **neonjeon:** have fun w ur sparkly ass

 

 **moon jerry:** listen I am five seconds away from jumping out of this window I don’t need this

 

 **dogyeom:** DJDJD

 

 **neonjeon:** ok have fun

 

 **jisnake:** hey junhui,,,,, I guess u could say

 **jisnake:** u have a magical ass

 

 **moon jerry:** get out

 

-☆-

 

 **jeongsnake:** hey seungkwan

 **jeongsnake:** where u at

 

 **tinsol:** seungkwan is dead

 **tinsol:** there is no seungkwan

 **tinsol:** i am widowed and in pain

 

 **jeongsnake:** sad

 **jeongsnake:** i wanted to bully him

 

**jeju prince:**

****

 

 **jeongsnake:** omg i meant to say that i really love seungkwan he's a really cute baby and i love him so much

 **jeongsnake:** sorry it was my autocorrector

 

**jeju prince:**

****

 

 **tinsol:** dont speak to my dead husband like that

 

 **jeju prince:** when did i die

 **jeju prince:** why wasnt i aware my dreams finally came true

 

 **tinsol:** idk bb sometimes youre just not in the loop

 

 **jeju prince:** tru

 

-☆-

 

 **angel baby:** someone pls humor me before I kms

 **angel baby:** I’m at lunch and suffering

 **angel baby:** pls

 **angel baby:** help

 **angel baby:** sos

 **angel baby:** ur all dead to me

 

 **jeongsnake:** what

 **jeongsnake:** chan

 

 **angel baby:** just when you think u know someone

 **angel baby:** oh hi

 

 **jeongsnake:** are u ok

 

 **angel baby:** no I hate everyone in this college

 **angel baby:** except u guys ofc

 **angel baby:** they all need to stop breathing

 

 **jeongsnake:** what did they do

 **jeongsnake:** whose ass do i have to kick

 

 **angel baby:** they’re just loud

 **angel baby:** and they move around a lot

 **angel baby:** I almost got shoved off my seat

 

 **jeongsnake:** wHAt how dare they

 **jeongsnake:** smh

 **jeongsnake:** these ppl don't know respect

 

 **angel baby:** my lunch time is over god bless

 **angel baby:** but now I have to go to calculus for an hour an a half

 

 **jeongsnake:** bye chan

 **jeongsnake:** have fun

 **jeongsnake:** do great things

 

 **angel baby:** I probably won’t do anything

 

 **jeongsnake:** if you're going to kill anyone make sure you don't leave any evidence

 **jeongsnake:** if no one can prove it then it didn't happen

 

 **jigglyhoon:** always take the murder weapon with u to destroy

 **jigglyhoon:** also wear shoes that are too big

 

 **jeongsnake:** use a diff cologne too

 

 **jigglyhoon:** and clothes from goodwill or a thrift store

 **jigglyhoon:** maybe spread someone else's hair at the crime scene

 

 **jeongsnake:** dye your hair

 **jeongsnake:** burn everything once you're done

 

 **jigglyhoon:** dip ur hands in latex so that u won't leave fingerprints

 

 **angel baby:** wtf

 

 **jigglyhoon:** did u like our murder hacks

 

 **angel baby:** I loved them

 **angel baby:** but hyungs why do you know all that

 

 **jeongsnake:** :)

 

 **jigglyhoon:** dont worry abt it

 

-☆-

 

 **jisnake:** marry christmas and happy new year

 

 **papa claus:** you already did this in november

 

 **jisnake:** merry. christmas.

 **jisnake:** happy. new. year.

 

 **papa claus:** wow would u look at the time

 **papa claus:** i have to go shove candy canes up my ass

 

 **naega hosh:** them: Christmas is only one day

 **naega hosh:** me, an intellectual:

**naega hosh:**

 

 **neonjeon:** y'all I don't condone christmas being an entire month

 **neonjeon:** i'm too pessimistic to be festive for that long

 

 **jisnake:** get out of my house

 **jisnake:** in my good christian home we celebrate Christmas all month long

 

 **naega hosh:** AMEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a folder on my computer named "kwon soonyoung is a pure boy" with those photos and may more inside
> 
> i know this chapter is pretty chan centric buy are u really gonna complain who doesnt love the baby  
> even tho this fic is soonchan centered i do try to include the other ships as best i can so if yall got any requests for other ships feel free to leave them below (im aware there is a huge lack of seokmin and jihoon im sorr y)
> 
> (p.s. idk when the next update will be bc i have tests or papers on literally every single day next week so i'll be busy studying and writing those, but there should be a weekend update! this also goes for my insta au, for those of you reading hat fc as well. that will most likely be updated tomorrow bc it is currently almost midnight and i have work tomorrow morning at 7 yikes)


	22. drake hyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **nickelback:** so u wanna stick ur dick in me huh minhyung ;)  
>  **big daddy:** we're literally dating  
>  **nickelback: **;)****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 99 squad return

_**chat: jihoon's drunk adventures (13)** _

 

 **dogyeom:** hello friends

 **dogyeom:** how is everyone this lovely lovely morning?

 

 **sarangay:** roblox death sound

 

 **jeongsnake:** same

 

 **angel baby:** mood

 

 **dogyeom:** alrighty then

 

-☆-

 

 **tinsol:** yALL I FUCKED UP

 **tinsol:** I FUCKED

 **tinsol:** U P

 

 **neonjeon:** what did you do now

 

 **moon jerry:** he fucked up wonwoo cmon keep up

 

 **neonjeon:** i hate you

 **neonjeon:** so much

 

 **moon jerry:** <3

 

 **tinsol:** this is touching and all but back to me

 

 **papa claus:** do we even want to know what you did

 

 **tinsol:** of course you do

 

 **papa claus:** you right 

 **papa claus:** spill

 

 **tinsol:** ok so

 **tinsol:** yall know how much i love drake hyung right

 

 **neonjeon:** drAKE HY UN G

 

 **moon jerry:** HANSOL

 **moon jerry:** HONE Y

 **moon jerry:** YOU DID NOT JUST TYPE THAT

 

 **papa claus:** IM WHEEZING 

 

_**papa claus** named the chat  **'drake hyung'**_

 

 **tinsol:** ok fuck all of u

 

 **neonjeon:** im sorry i just

 **neonjeon:** d r a k e  h y u n g

 

 **tinsol:** catch these hands

 

 **papa claus:** okok continue ur story hansol

 

 **tinsol:** right so

 **tinsol:** he's coming to south korea on his tour and i was like mm yes b lemme snatch those tickets

 **tinsol:** so i spent all day refreshing the website so i could get tickets as soon as they go on sale right

 **tinsol:** and when they went on sale at 10am i refreshed the page

 **tinsol:** literally as s o o n as the clock hit 10

 **tinsol:** and they were all sold out already

 

 **moon jerry:** oh buddy

 

 **tinsol:** and i may have gotten a little angry and punched the door closest to me

 **tinsol:** now im in the dorm hall bc i was on my way back from class

 **tinsol:** and i can admit that i'm not the strongest banana in the bunch

 

 **neonjeon:** banana in the bunch

 

 **tinsol:** but for some reason i became the hulk for like 0.005 seconds

 **tinsol:** and dented this dude's door

 **tinsol:** suddenly i hear these angry foot steps from inside and then the door swings open 

 **tinsol:** and there, standing in front of me

 **tinsol:** was brian from america

 

 **papa claus:** BRIAN FROM AMERICA

 

 **neonjeon:** he returns

 

 **tinsol:** listen i wasn't there when yall fuckin mauled him for what he said to jeonghan hyung so i didnt realize

 **tinsol:** how fucking ta l l he is

 **tinsol:** he's like two of me

 **tinsol:** and idk what yall did to him at the beginning of the year but he's missing a tooth and it should make him look funny but it made him seem more terrifying??

 **tinsol:** and i shit you not he growled at me

 **tinsol:** this bitch turning into the next teen wolf was the last straw for me and i bolted out of there bc no matter how many suicide jokes i make i do actually enjoy living

 

 **moon jerry:** did he go after you

 

 **tinsol:** HE WENT AFTER ME

 **tinsol:** i am currently hiding behind the science building and waiting for mingyu to get out of class bc he's taller than brian and i can use him as my shield

 

 **neonjeon:** i cant believe youre sacrificing my boyfriend to a white boy

 

 **tinsol:** he's my last hope

 

 **jigglyhoon:** i've lurking and reading this whole story and i can confirm that you are an idiot

 **jigglyhoon:** why did you think punching someone's dorm door would be a good idea

 **jigglyhoon:** and all for drake

 

 **papa claus:** drake hyung*

 

 **jigglyhoon:** drake hyung*

 

 **tinsol:** for an answer to that question and many more, please visit www.hopoffmydick.org

 

 **jigglyhoon:** damn coulda just said you dont wanna talk abt it

 

-☆-

 

 **sarangay:** so i was just laying here at 4am

 **sarangay:** tryna fall asleep

 **sarangay:** thinking some random shit

 **sarangay:** when suddenly

 **sarangay:** my brain goes

 **sarangay:** "but i dont wanna get up internationally"

 

 **christmas tree:** dude wtf does that even mean

 

 **sarangay:** i dont kn o w

 

-☆-

 

 **dogyeom:** hello my name is lee seokmin and today i am here to expose my boyfriend, lee jihoon

 

 **naega hosh:** i've been waiting for the day someone finally exposed him

 

 **jigglyhoon:** seokmin

 

 **dogyeom:** so today i wake up from my nap and walk into our kitchen to get some food as one does

 

 **jeongsnake:** of course

 

 **dogyeom:** when i see jihoon all curled up on the couch with his phone in his hand 

 **dogyeom:** lookin all cute and shit

 **dogyeom:** so of course i got to investigate

 **dogyeom:** and our lil hoonie here was playing animal crossing pocket camp

 **dogyeom:** (totally not relevant but his avatar has pink hair and is currently dressed and in a sweater and santa hat)

 

 **jeongsnake:** um thats totally relevant thank u for sharing

 

 **jigglyhoon:** seokmi n

 

 **dogyeom:** u right

 **dogyeom:** so i lean over the couch a bit to see his face and he's got his cheek squished against the couch pillow

 **dogyeom:** and he's got fuckin tears in his eyes

 **dogyeom:** so i of course i get worried and im like "omg babe are you okay why are you crying"

 **dogyeom:** and instead of throwing his phone and freaking out in ol jihoon fashion

 **dogyeom:** he slowly turns to me and a single tear falls down his cheek

 **dogyeom:** "they keep giving me money and materials and i all i've done is give them fruit and bugs"

 **dogyeom:** another tear

 **dogyeom:** "i dont deserve it goldie"

 

 **naega hosh:** OH MY GO D

 **naega hosh:** HONESTLY ME TOO JIHOON

 

 **jigglyhoon:** EVERYDAY IT'S EITHER MONEY OR MATERIALS

 **jigglyhoon:** AND ALL THEY EVER ASK FOR IS BUGS

 **jigglyhoon:** OR FRUIT

 **jigglyhoon:** I DONT DESERVE I T

 

 **dogyeom:** in conclusion: lee jihoon acts all big an bad but he's actually nothing but a huge softy

 

 **jeongsnake:** brilliant

 

-☆-

 

 **jisnake:** i was in town earlier today to buy some christmas decroations

 **jisnake:** and as im leaving the store i waved to the cashier and was like "merry christmas" 

 **jisnake:** and she replies

 **jisnake:** "happy jesus"

 

_**jeongsnake** changed  **jisnake** ' **s** chatname to  **happy jesus**_

 

 **happy jesus:** oh come on

 

 **jeongsnake:** it was too good to pass up

 

 **happy jesus:** i hate you

 

 **jeongsnake:** </3

 

-☆-

 

 **christmas tree:**  I RIPPED

 **christmas tree:**  MY FUCKIG

 **christmas tree:**  PANTS

 

 **jeju prince:** oh no

 

 **christmas tree:**  ITS RIGHT ALONG

 **christmas tree:**  MY INNER THIGH

 **christmas tree:** I AM ALL THE WAY ON CAMPUS

 **christmas tree:** I HAVE TO GO TO WORK SOON

 **christmas tree:**  AND NY PANTS HAVE NICE LING HOLE IN THEM

 

 **angel baby:** wow a tragedy in the process

 

 **jeju prince:** now everyone can see ur juicy thighs

 

 **christmas tree:** I DONT WANT ANYONE TO SEE MY "JUICY THIGHS"

 

 **neonjeon:** i second that 

 **neonjeon:** i prefer the whole campus not staring at my boyfriends thighs 

 

 **christmas tree:**  now I need to go to the store and get a new pair

 **christmas tree:** im broke i dont need this

 **christmas tree:** I’m so upset why me

 

 **neonjeon:** where are you on campus

 

 **christmas tree:** right by the library 

 **christmas tree:** sitting on a bench

 **christmas tree:** crying over my pants

 

 **neonjeon:** im just leaving class now

 **neonjeon:** i'll come bring you new pants

 

 **christmas tree:** you're gonna drive all the way to the apartment?

 

 **neonjeon:** no i keep a pair of your pants and one of your shirts with me all the time

 

 **christmas tree:** what

 

 **neonjeon:** i also keep concealer on me bc i know that sometimes you get insecure if you have a pimple or red spot

 

 **christmas tree:** wha t

 

 **neonjeon:** and i have a second copy of all your big assignments in case you lose them bc i know how much you stress over them

 

 **christmas tree:** what the fuc k

 **christmas tree:** im tearing up this is not okay

 **christmas tree:** hurry up and get here so i can hug you i love you so much

 

 **neonjeon:** i love you too

 **neonjeon:** omw

 

 **jeju prince:** i love true love

 **jeju prince:** wow what an experience 

 

 **angel baby:** truly

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: mark i swear to fuck im gonna beat your ass (3)_ **

 

**nickelback:**

**nickelback:** it's us

 

 **big daddy:** who's the cat

 

 **nickelback:** chan obviously

 

 **what the fuck richard:** what why am i the cat

 

 **nickelback:** bc mark and i are the cool kids and ur the one trying to fit in

 

 **what the fuck richard:** i'm gonna strangle you today

 **what the fuck richard:** today is ur last day

 

 **nickelback:** you'll have to find me first bitch

 **nickelback:** it'll never happen

 

 **what the fuck richard:** so you're not in mark's dorm rn

 

 **big daddy:** shit he's onto us

 

 **nickelback:** gotta blast

 

 **what the fuck richard:** yall thought u could hide ur gay asses from me

 **what the fuck richard:** guess again sluts

 

 **big daddy:** how'd u know

 

 **what the fuck richard:** do you want me to talk abt that one time u were drunk and literally said u want to stick ur dick in minhyuk or one of the other times

 

 **big daddy:** ok i understand now

 

 **nickelback:** so u wanna stick ur dick in me huh minhyung ;)

 

 **big daddy:** we're literally dating

 

 **nickelback:** ;)

 

 **what the fuck richard:** you gays have fun i gotta go to class

 **what the fuck richard:** im still coming for u minhyuk, dont think ur safe

 

 **nickelback:** damn it

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: jigglyhoon (2)_ **

 

 **dogyeom:** hoonie

 **dogyeom:** i though you said you weren't going to be at the studio that late tonight

 

 **jigglyhoon:** i know baby but i got distracted

 **jigglyhoon:** i'll come home when i finish this song

 

 **dogyeom:** that's what you said last time

 

 **jigglyhoon:** you know how i am when it comes to work

 **jigglyhoon:** i can't help it

 

 **dogyeom:** i know i just

 **dogyeom:** i miss spending time with you

 **dogyeom:** you're always coming home after im already in bed and then you leave before me for your classes

 **dogyeom:** i never see you anymore

 

 **jigglyhoon:** im sorry i just have a lot of work to do right now

 **jigglyhoon:** between my work for my classes and my work for my job, everything is pretty hectic

 **jigglyhoon:** once everything is done i'll have a whole week of freetime

 **jigglyhoon:** well from work at least

 **jigglyhoon:** i promise to spend all time possible with you

 

 **dogyeom:** no it's fine i understand that you can't just abandon work 

 **dogyeom:** sorry im just being clingy

 

 **jigglyhoon:** you're not seokmin

 

 **dogyeom:** i am

 **dogyeom:** it's late and im tired, im gonna head to bed

 **dogyeom:** love you

 

 **jigglyhoon:** love you too

 

-☆-

 

 **dogyeom:** ji hoeoir

 

 **jigglyhoon:** i thought you went to bed

 **jigglyhoon:** i'm just closing up the studio now and then im on my way home

 

 **dogyeom:** honeie

 **dogyeom:** its husrt

 

 **jigglyhoon:** what?

 **jigglyhoon:** seokmin are you okay?

 

 **dogyeom:** ti huersts hoooei

 

 **jigglyhoon:** what hurts baby?

 

 **dogyeom:** eveyrtihgn

 

 **jigglyhoon:** why does everything hurt? cmon you gotta tell me baby 

 **jigglyhoon:** i cant help if i dont know what happened

 

 **dogyeom:** i jst rellly misseed yiu

 **dogyeom:** ansda i realzied tatg i dont haev te rfght to misse  u

 **dogyeom:** bc u worsk so hrd

 **dogyeom:** adn thn i had a drinsk

 **dogyeom:** or fuir

 **dogyeom:** foru*

 **dogyeom:** four*

 **dogyeom:** and tehn i wetn for a wlk

 **dogyeom:** bt i bumoeped into thas gyu and he gto anrgys

 **dogyeom:** ansn hit em

 **dogyeom:** honiew my head reakey hustr

 

 **jigglyhoon:** fuck

 **jigglyhoon:** hang on baby im coming

 **jigglyhoon:** do you know where you are

 

 **dogyeom:** no

 

 **jigglyhoon:** shit

 **jigglyhoon:** okay can you share your location with me? can you do that baby?

 

 **dogyeom:** msmm

 **dogyeom:** one secsx

 

 **jigglyhoon:** ok i got it

 **jigglyhoon:** hang tight baby im on my way

 **jigglyhoon:** just keep your eyes open

 

 **dogyeom:** honei

 

 **jigglyhoon:** yes baby

 

 **dogyeom:** i loec yuo

 

 **jigglyhoon:** i love you too

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: drake hyung (13)_ **

 

 **jigglyhoon:** okay dont freak out

 

 **jeongsnake:** already freaking out

 

 **jeju prince:** what's wrong?

 

 **jigglyhoon:** well

 **jigglyhoon:** seokmin and i are currently at the hospital

 

 **naega hosh:** im sorry what

 **naega hosh:** why are you two at the hospital at 3am

 

 **jigglyhoon:** it's a long story i promise i'll explain it to everyone later 

 **jigglyhoon:** im fine, it's seokmin who's hurt

 **jigglyhoon:** the doctor said that other than a minor concussion he's fine

 

 **papa claus:** oh my god

 

 **jigglyhoon:** you guys dont have to come or anything, i know it's early

 **jigglyhoon:** i just wanted to let all of you know

 

 **neonjeon:** mingyu and i are already getting in the car

 

 **angel baby:** soonyoung just ran to get his keys

 

 **christmas tree:** what did you say the hospitals address was again

 

 **jigglyhoon:** guys pls

 

 **naega hosh:** see you soon hoonie :)

 

 **jigglyhoon:** ugh

 **jigglyhoon:** bring me coffee

 

 **sarangay:** of course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes i thought it had only been a week since i updated but turns out it's actually been two so here ya g o. this isnt edited so pls let me know if there's any mistakes
> 
> also for those of u who asked for more seokhoon, this probably isn't what u wanted (this isnt what i wanted either) but i feel like their relationship had some,,,,problems??? that needed to be solved first, next chapter will be softer
> 
> p.s. when do you guys think i should end this fic? we're getting pretty close to 30 chapters and i dont know when a good spot to end it is
> 
>  
> 
> edit: THANK YOU ALL SO SO MUCH FOR 500 KUDOS !!!


	23. old saint dick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **angel baby:** i'm not a brat i just dont like you
> 
>  **grinch:** i can't stand you
> 
>  **angel baby:** then take a seat grandpa

_**chat: drake hyung (13)** _

 

_**christmas tree** renamed the chat  **'MERRY CHRISTMAS SLUTS'**_

 

 **christmas tree:** GOOD MORNING EVERYONE

 **christmas tree:** IT IS DECEMBER 25

 **christmas tree:** I GOT GINGERBREAD COOKIES IN THE OVEN

 **christmas tree:** PRESENTS WRAPPED FOR ALL OF YALL BC I LOVE U SM

 **christmas tree:** AND U BET I GOT MY CHRISTMAS PJS + FUZZY SOCKS ON

 

 **neonjeon:** can confirm 

 

_**christmas tree**_ _changed **neonjeon's** username to  **wonter wonderland**_

 

 **wonter wonderland:** and here i thought i'd escape the festive names this year 

 **wonter wonderland:** i obviously thought wrong

 

 **christmas tree:** babe do u know who i am

 **christmas tree:** i am a christmas Slut

 

 **wonter wonderland:** it's true

 

 **happy jesus:** merry christmas kiddos!!!

 **happy jesus:** ohhhh are we all doing festive names??

 **happy jesus:** count me in

 

 **_happy jesus_ ** _changed **jeongsnake's** username to  **grinch**_

 

 **grinch:** i breathed

 

 **happy jesus:** you also trashed my christmas music this morning so shut up rat

 

 **angel baby:** good morning everyone!!!! i hope you all have a merry christmas and eat lots of yummy food!!

 **angel baby:** whether you're dieting or not you deserve a feast 

 **angel baby:** bc you've all worked incredibly hard this year and you're all wonderful and deserve a break from all the stress

 

 **moon jerry:** i woke up to a christmas angel blessing my day

 **moon jerry:** amazing

 

 **naega hosh:** chan i love you

 

 **angel baby:**!!!

 **angel baby:** i love you too soonie!!!

 

 **grinch:** chan's moods are so on and off are we sure he's not bipolar

 **grinch:** one minute he's a brat and the next he's an angel from heaven

 

 **angel baby:** i'm not a brat i just dont like you

 

 **grinch:** i can't stand you

 

 **angel baby:** then take a seat grandpa 

 

 **jigglyhoon:** that's my boy

 

_**christmas tree** changed  **angel baby's** username to  **winter angel**_

_**christmas tree** changed  **jigglyhoon's** username to  **jinglehoon**_

_**christmas tree** changed  **naega hosh's** username to  **buddy the elf**_

 

 **buddy the elf:** now it's really christmas

 

 **jinglehoon:** what was wrong with my previous name

 

 **christmas tree:** idk didn't feel festive enough 

 

 **jeju prince:** hello everyone and merry crysler

 **jeju prince:** oh i see we're bringing out the festive chat names

 

 **_jeju prince_ ** _changed their username to **all i want for xmas is boo**_

 

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** perfect

 

 **winter angel:** i love it

 

_**dogyeom** changed their username to  **sleighmin**_

_**sleighmin** changed  **sarangay's** username to  **haohaohao**_

 

 **sleighmin:** now we're complete

 

 **haohaohao:** sup bitches

 **haohaohao:** wait what happened to my name

 **haohaohao:** seokmin why

 

 **sleighmin:** merry christmas hoe

 

 **moon jerry:** i can't believe you forgot me, the most important person in this chat

 

 **papa claus:** that's debatable 

 

**_moon jerry_** _changed their username to **saint dick**_

 

 **tinsol:** hyung i hate you

 

 **saint dick:** :D

 

 **grinch:** hao come collect your mans

 

 **haohaohao:** srry idk him

 

 **saint dick:** D:

 

 **christmas tree:** turn that frown upside down loser it's christmas

 **christmas tree:** i'm throwing a christmas party tonight and i expect all of you to be there

 

 **buddy the elf:** or be square

 

 **jinglehoon:** get out

 

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** who's going

 

 **christmas tree:** it'll be us

 **christmas tree:** minhyuk, hyunwoo, wonho, hyungwon, changkyun, jooheon, kihyun

 **christmas tree:** jeongguk, yoongi, taehyung, seokjin, namjoon, hoseok, and jimin

 **christmas tree:** and i think jeongguk said smth abt bringing his friend moonbin, who's bringing his bf

 

 **winter angel:** which minhyuk

 

 **christmas tree:** lee

 

 **winter angel:** ah

 

 **christmas tree:** you can bring minhyung and minhyuk if you want to

 

 **winter angel:**!! thanks hyung!!

 

 **wonter wonderland:** i dont remember agreeing to this many ppl in our apartment

 

 **christmas tree:** bc i didn't ask duh

 

 **wonter wonderland:** when will i receive the respect i deserve 

 

-☆-

 

 **saint dick:** HEY kiddos

 **saint dick:** if you guys ever want to work at starbucks

 **saint dick:** here's some advice:

 **saint dick:** dont.

 

 **tinsol:** i would never work at starbucks

 **tinsol:** i can't even afford to Look at starbucks

 

 **haohaohao:** thanks for the warning babe but what brought it on

 

 **saint dick:** some fucktard got mad because our patio is on the left and not the right

 **saint dick:** LIKE IM SORRY

 **saint dick:** LET ME PHYSICALLY PICK UP THE PATIO AND MOVE IT TO SUIT YOUR PREFERENCE 

 

 **grinch:** did you actually say that

 

 **saint dick:** no

 **saint dick:** as much as i hate this job i am still a broke student

 

 **haohaohao:** so let me get this straight

 **haohaohao:** some rat got mad.

 **haohaohao:** bc of the placement.

 **haohaohao:** of your patio.

 

 **saint dick:** yes

 

 **haohaohao:** it's not worth it

 

 **saint dick:** do you wanna pay our apartments rent on your own

 

 **haohaohao:** it's a little worth it

 

-☆-

 

 **winter angel:** if i have to write one more fucking paper abt some dumb shit that doesn't matter for this history class that i dont even know why im taking

 **winter angel:** im dropping out of school and working at mcdonalds for the rest of my miserable life

 

 **saint dick:** better than starbucks

 

 **buddy the elf:** :( baby take a break

 

 **winter angel:** i would love to take a break rn but this dumbass paper isnt gonna write itself

 

 **buddy the elf:** :(

 

 **winter angel:** stop i need to finish it

 

 **buddy the elf:** but channie

 

 **winter angel:** im muting the chat

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: winter angel (2)** _

 

 **buddy the elf:** petal

 **buddy the elf:** answer me

 **buddy the elf:** i know you never mute our private chat

 **buddy the elf:** even when you're mad at me

 

 **winter angel:** what do you want soonyoung

 **winter angel:** im busy

 

 **buddy the elf:** i want you to take a break and stop over working yourself

 **buddy the elf:** im leaving practice early tonight so im on my way back to the apartment

 **buddy the elf:** so no matter what you won't be working much longer but still

 **buddy the elf:** i know you don't have a paper for that class

 

 **winter angel:** what

 

 **buddy the elf:** minhyung is in your history class and he said you guys dont have any assignments for over break

 **buddy the elf:** so why is it that you do

 

 **winter angel:** bc my professor fucking hates me and told me that he'll fail me if i dont do it

 

 **buddy the elf:** he can't do that

 

 **winter angel:** pretty sure he can

 

 **buddy the elf:** not on my watch he can't

 **buddy the elf:** i'll be home in 5

 **buddy the elf:** and the first youre gonna do is delete whatever it is that you wrote for that fucker

 **buddy the elf:** and then im gonna write a nasty angry boyfriend letter to the school while you cuddle into my side and drink hot chocolate and relax like you should be

 **buddy the elf:** then after we'll cuddle up on the couch in those new soft blankets i just bought and watch dramas until we pass out

 

 **winter angel:** i love you so much i dont deserve you :(

 

 **buddy the elf:** you're the one that i dont deserve

 **buddy the elf:** i love you too <3

 **buddy the elf:** i'll see you in a few

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: MERRY CHRISTMAS SLUTS (13)** _

 

 **sleighmin:** hey hao

 **sleighmin:** just

 **sleighmin:** hypothetically speaking 

 **sleighmin:** if i signed you up for a sugar baby website

 **sleighmin:** what would you call yourself

 **sleighmin:** hypothetically of course

 **sleighmin:** :)

 

 **haohaohao:** i

 **haohaohao:** pls tell me you did not

 

 **sleighmin:** no no of course not

 **sleighmin:** just

 **sleighmin:** hypothetically

 

 **haohaohao:** i hate you

 **haohaohao:** why do you exist

 

 **sleighmin:** im helping you with your tuition hao

 

 **haohaohao:** go awaY

 

 **sleighmin:** just think of all the food you could actually afford to eat

 **sleighmin:** it's not that bad

 

 **haohaohao:** choke.

 

 **sleighmin:** can't do your job hao it says on the website a sugar baby can't be replaced by someone of their choosing 

 

 **haohaohao:** i just

 **haohaohao:** why are you like this

 **haohaohao:** i have a boyfriend

 **haohaohao:**....

 **haohaohao:** send me the link

 

 **sleighmin:** knew you'd come through

 **sleighmin:** _link_

 

 **haohaohao:** im crying u really did it

 **haohaohao:** whats the log in info

 

 **sleighmin:** i

 **sleighmin:** i forgot it

 

 **haohaohao:** you had

 **haohaohao:** one (1) job

 

 **sleighmin:** just let me live my life

 

-☆-

 

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** yall i just found 8 bucks to buy an app

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** i could practically be someone's sugar daddy at this point 

 

 **papa claus:** 8 bucks wont even feed you for two days

 

 **all i want for xmas is boo:**  so youre saying

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** that if i gave you 8 bucks for an app that cost 6

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** u wouldn’t take them

 

 **papa claus:** of course i would im a broke bitch

 **papa claus:** but I’m just sayin that 8 bucks is more sugar baby than daddy

 

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** im getting there ok dont rush me

 

 **sleighmin:** did someone say

 **sleighmin:** s u g a r  b a b y

 

 **papa claus:** uh

 

 **sleighmin:** _link_

 **sleighmin:** i have the answer to ur problems

 

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** seungcheol im getting us a sugar daddy give me five minutes

 

 **papa claus:** SEUNGKWAN

 

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** WHAT

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** GIFTS ARE EXPENSIVE

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** YOU THINK MY EIGHT DOLLAR ASS HAS MORE THAN THAT

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** BITCH IM BROKE

 

 **papa claus:** oh my god

 

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** should “would treat me like a cockslut” be in our box about “about the match i want”??

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** i feel like it should be

 

 **papa claus:** i literally hate you.

 **papa claus:** so much.

 

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** that doesn’t sound like a no so ill add that

 

 **papa claus:** im cancelling our friendship

 

 

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** you wont be sayin that when you find that gucci outside ur door

 

 **papa claus:** fuck u got me

 

**all i want for xmas is boo:**

**all i want for xmas is boo:** am i doing this right

 

 **papa claus:** it scares me how good you are at filling that out

 

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** a multi-talented sugarbaby

 

 **papa claus:** i dont know you

 

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** you wont be sayin that either when u get a Louis Vuitton sweater 

 

 **papa claus:** this is a personal attack

 

 **all i want for xmas is boo:** are you complaining

 

 **papa claus:** no im just angry that youre right

 

**all i want for xmas is boo:**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i realize im a day late but merry christmas folks here's a mess srry for the lack of some members 
> 
> i've decided to end this fic at around 28-30 chapters, but don't worry, i won't be completely inactive after that i promise  
> and who knows, maybe even after i end it, i'll still come back and add a chapter from time to time 
> 
> too make yall feel better, here's a christmas story abt dumbass me: i was trying to get tap off a box and accidentally hurt myself, so now a part of my nail on my right thumb is no longer attached to the finger and is currently numb how Fun
> 
> but !!! i got teen,age, monsta x's the code, victon's from. victon, and astro's dream pt.2 !!!! so im really happy !!! if any of you got any of these albums, you should totally share who u got for photo cards so we can cry together 
> 
> i got:  
> teen,age: jeonghan photocard, seokmin standee + a 95 line mini poster  
> the code: kihyun photocard + mini photobook, kihyun and jooheon photocard, hyungwon and hyunwoo photocard, and hyungwon cd  
> from. victon: seungsik photocard  
> dream pt.2: two moonbin photocards, one minhyuk photocard, mini jinwoo poster, and dongmin for under my cd


	24. mceating our feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **seungcheol:** im not surprised about the rest of you  
>  **seungcheol:** but jihoon?  
>  **seungcheol:** i expected better from you  
>  **jihoon:** there's your first mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goodbye christmas names, you will be missed  
> i'm lazy and uncreative so everyone's chat name will now just be their name until the end of the fic

_**chat: bad bitches (13)** _

 

 **junhui:** sup ladies

 

 **jihoon:** im gonna choke seokmin

 

 **jeonghan:** ohh kinky

 

 **jihoon:** youre next rat

 

 **mingyu:** what did seokmin do

 

 **jihoon:** i went to shower this morning before i went to class

 **jihoon:** and i pull back the shower curtain

 **jihoon:** only to be greeted by at least 100 rubber ducks

 

 **seokmin:** theyre my friends

 

 **jihoon:** theyre a problem

 

 **seokmin:** :(

 

 **jeonghan:** aw come on

 **jeonghan:** let the boy have his ducks

 

 **seokmin:** yeah let me have my ducks

 

 **jihoon:** i want them gone

 **jihoon:** no more small ducks

 

 **seokmin:** ok ok no more small ducks

 

-☆-

 

 **jihoon:** do you think youre funny

 

 **seokmin:** kinda

 

 **seungcheol:** what now

 

 **jihoon:** all the small ducks are gone

 **jihoon:** but they were just replaced with bigger ducks

 

 **seokmin:** you said no more small ducks

 **seokmin:** so i got rid of the small ones

 **seokmin:** you never said anything abt medium sized ducks

 

 **jihoon:** seokmin.

 

 **seokmin:** can i at least keep one duck

 

 **jihoon:** one

 **jihoon:** but that's it

 

 **seokmin:** thanks i love you

 

-☆-

 

**jihoon:**

****

**jihoon:** SEOKMIN

 

 **seokmin:** :)

 

-☆-

 

 **chan:** MINGHAO WORKS AT MCDONALDS 

 

 **seungkwan:** NO WAY

 

 **chan:** YES WAY

 

 **minghao:** CHAN I TOLD YOU TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT U BRAT

 

 **junhui:** hao omg i didn't know you got a job

 **junhui:** i told you that you didn't need to get one :(

 

 **minghao:** i felt bad ok

 **minghao:** i know how much our rent is and i know how much you hate your job so

 **minghao:** i thought i'd help out

 **minghao:** dont look at me

 

 **junhui:** aw my baby :(

 

 **seungkwan:** why mcdonalds tho

 **seungkwan:** that's almost worse than starbucks

 

 **junhui:** nothing is worse than starbucks

 

 **minghao:** idk they were hiring and i get a discount on chicken nuggets

 

 **jisoo:** it's not even real chicken 

 

 **minghao:** ask me if i care when i'm inhaling a 20 piece nugget meal by the minute

 

 **jisoo:** that Does Not sound like an idea i should encourage

 

 **minghao:** encourage or not it's happening

 **minghao:** brb my order just got called

 

 **chan:** he really doing it

 **chan:** HE ORDERED FOUR 20 PIECE NUGGET MEALS OMG WHAT

 

 **junhui:** THATS 80 NUGGETS WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **seungkwan:** wait chan how do you know

 

 **chan:** oh im here too lmao

 **chan:** was craving a chicken sandwich so i stopped by

 **chan:** thats how i figured out hao works here

 **chan:** he took my order then threatened to slit my throat and throw me into the ocean if i spoke a word

 **chan:** honestly i should've reported him to his manager that is no way to treat a paying customer

 

 **jisoo:** quality service

 

 **minghao:** yet you still told everyone

 **minghao:** and you're not a customer youre a nuisance

 

 **chan:** go inhale another 20 piece you fucking pineapple

 

 **minghao:** gladly you broken sink

 

 **junhui:** these insults are really smth

 

-☆-

 

 **soonyoung:** why is minghao sitting in a 24/7 mcdonalds surrounded by multiple 20 piece nugget boxes

 

 **chan:** is he still there someone come get their man

 

 **mingyu:** he's mceating his feelings

 

 **chan:** i would too if i worked at mcdonalds

 

 **minghao:** pls dont make mcdonalds related jokes or i might actually puke

 

 **soonyoung:** you're gonna puke either way if you keep eating all those nuggets

 **soonyoung:** seriously minghao that's like your sixth box

 

 **minghao:** dont judge me chicken nuggets are my life

 

 **mingyu:** all i can imagine is minghao abt to be murdered and he's all like 

 **mingyu:** "wait hold up can we pause for like,,,five minutes so i can buy my last nugget meal"

 

 **soonyoung:** gufqugyf

 

 **chan:** this reminds me of that one time hansol and i almost got arrested and he used our one phone call to order a pizza

 

 **soonyoung:** omg what

 **soonyoung:** when did you get arrested

 

 **chan:** never, i said almost soonyoung keep up

 **chan:** tbh i dont know how we got out without even having to pay anything

 **chan:** maybe they didnt want to deal with us

 **chan:** i wouldnt want to deal with a kid who just ordered a pineapple pizza to my police station

 

 **minghao:** pineapple on pizza isnt that bad

 

 **mingyu:** i thought you hated pineapple on pizza

 

 **soonyoung:** junhui doesnt tho

 

 **chan:** junhui sucked his dick BET

 

 **soonyoung:** im not gonna join a bet i know i wont win

 

 **minghao:** ok you know what fuck all of you

 

 **mingyu:** it's a pass from me but im sure junhui would be happy to help

 

 **minghao:** im leaving none of you deserve my company

 

 **soonyoung:** HE WENT TO GO BUY ANOTHER 20 PIECE HAO NO

 **soonyoung:** boy gonna turn into a chicken nugget

 

 **chan:** he'd make a good chicken nugget

 

 **mingyu:**  explain

 

 **chan:** they're both fake

 

-☆-

 

 **hansol:** storytime

 

 **seungcheol:** one time my mom came over to our apartment for dinner

 **seungcheol:** so jeonghan took our flour and a whole box of zip-lock bags

 **seungcheol:** then proceeded to place flour into the bags and put rolled up dollar bills on our kitchen table

 **seungcheol:** jeonghan convinced my mother he was a drug dealer

 

 **wonwoo:** HYUNG

 

 **hansol:** what did your mom do

 

 **seungcheol:** she just stood their until jeonghan was like

 **seungcheol:** "can i interest you in some tea? a glass of water? maybe some coke?"

 **seungcheol:** and like she thought he was legit a drug dealer

 **seungcheol:** so she hesitantly said she'd like some coke

 

 **wonwoo:** Oh No

 

 **seungcheol:** so jeonghan picked up one of the plastic bags and handed it to her

 

 **hansol:** what did mom do

 

 **seungcheol:** she screamed and left

 **seungcheol:** so after i told jeonghan that i hate him i had to call my mother and get her to believe me that no, mom, my boyfriend is not a drug dealer and no, that was not coke, just flour

 

 **hansol:** how do you stand him

 

 **seungcheol:** i don't

 

-☆-

 

 **soonyoung:** jisoo

 **soonyoung:** hyung where are you

 **soonyoung:** i need to tell you something

 **soonyoung:** it's an emergancy

 **soonyoung:** life or death

 

 **jisoo:** omg soonyoung are you okay what is it???

 

 **soonyoung:** The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

 

 **jisoo:** this is harassment

 **jisoo:** Screencapped and emailed to my lawyer. She will have filed charges by tomorrow afternoon. By law we much allow you 48 hours to remove the offending material. If not, you will be charged with defamation of character, libel, and criminal mischief, all misdemeanors. You will face a judge trial.

 **jisoo:** Don’t think you won’t be found either. That email with the cap also includes your Dox, which will not be shared publicly. I’ve also forwarded this material to the local FBI field office. They take cyber harassment VERY seriously. Especially when your uncle is a high ranking Homicide Detective with good friends in the FBI, the US Marshals Office, and the NSA.

 

**soonyoung:**

****

 

-☆-

 

 **seokmin:** what if the g in gif is silent

 

 **minghao:** get this devil sentence away from me im not starting my morning like this u heathen

 

 **seokmin:** what gif i dont want to

 

 **minghao:** im going to choke you

 

-☆-

 

 **jeonghan:** due to recent

 **jeonghan:** ahem

 **jeonghan:** Events.

 **jeonghan:** we have decided

 

 **seungcheol:** by we he means himself

 

 **jeonghan:** that it is Time

 **jeonghan:** chan where are you

 

 **chan:** here sadly

 

 **jeonghan:** it's time we have the talk

 **jeonghan:** jisoo tell him abt the birds and the bees

 

 **chan:** oh no

 

 **jisoo:** they're disappearing at an alarming rate

 

 **jeonghan:** gdi jisoo

 

 **chan:** hyung i love you

 

-☆-

 

 **seungcheol:** you know

 **seungcheol:** you guys are a mess but i love you so i tend to look past that

 **seungcheol:** but then you go and do stupid shit like this and i question everything

 **seungcheol:** im not surprised about the rest of you

 **seungcheol:** but jihoon?

 **seungcheol:** i expected better from you

 

 **jihoon:** there's your first mistake

 

 **seungcheol:** i can't believe we got kicked out of fucking walmart

 **seungcheol:** who gets kicked out of walmart???

 **seungcheol:** it's like a lawless land

 

 **wonwoo:** hey now plenty of people get kicked out of walmart 

 

 **seungcheol:** yeah us

 **seungcheol:** we’re plenty of people

 

 **seungkwan:** I think you’re being too hard on us

 **seungkwan:** everybody makes mistakes  

 **seungkwan:** everybody has those days

 

 **seungcheol:** not everyone causes a commotion in the kids toys aisle

 

 **mingyu:** hey

 

 **seungcheol:** who Are Not children 

 

 **mingyu:** ,,,never mind,,,,

 

 **soonyoung:** i just dont think it's fair that only kids can enjoy the toys

 **soonyoung:** im gonna start a protest

 

 **seokmin:** i've got your back bro

 

 **soonyoung:** thanks bro

 

 **jihoon:** honestly i had nothing to do with this

 **jihoon:** all i did was watch it all go down

 

 **chan:** as if

 **chan:** dont think i didnt see you laughing at the dancing dog in the corner

 

 **jihoon:** betrayed by my own son

 

 **jeonghan:** as hot as scolding dad seungcheol is

 

 **jisoo:** please never say that again

 

 **jeonghan:** we need to find a way to get back on walmart's good side bc that place is where i buy my face wash and i've only found it there

 

 **junhui:** just buy it online

 **junhui:** they can't ban us from the website

 

 **jeonghan:** i dont trust anything i can't see in person first

 

 **minghao:** but didn't you just order a desk on amazon

 

 **jeonghan:** amazon is holy ground so it's okay

 

 **minghao:** oh yeah of course my bad

 

 **jeonghan:** i say we have junhui, mingyu, or wonwoo talk to the manager

 

 **mingyu:** what

 

 **wonwoo:** i want nothing to do with anything you come up with

 

 **hansol:** why them

 

 **jeonghan:** because besides me theyre the hottest ones we have

 **jeonghan:** better yet

 **jeonghan:** the four of us will go together

 

 **seungcheol:** i dont like this

 

 **junhui:** do i have to

 

 **jeonghan:** :)

 **jeonghan:** get yourselves pretty boys im on my way

 

-☆-

 

 **seungkwan:** i

 **seungkwan:** i cant believe that worked

 

 **jeonghan:** what can i say

 **jeonghan:** im a genius 

 

 **jihoon:** no youre just hot

 

 **chan:** okay but are we gonna ignore how fucking great mingyu was

 

 **wonwoo:** i didnt even know he had it in him

 **wonwoo:** and i've seen more than anyone here

 

 **minghao:** debatable 

 

 **wonwoo:** excuse me

 

 **minghao:** mingyu's my best friend

 **minghao:** we've had some wild times together

 **minghao:** dw neither of us were in relationships at the time

 

 **junhui:** well damn

 **junhui:** never thought id see the day minghao admitted to fucking mingyu

 

 **minghao:** you knew???

 

 **junhui:** i know everything

 **junhui:** and mingyu told me once while we were out drinking and he was shit faced

 

 **mingyu:** maybe that's why wonwoo doesnt let me drink

 

 **wonwoo:** hm i wonder

 

 **jeonghan:** while this is interesting and all

 **jeonghan:** i have things to purchase

 

 **jihoon:** but youre broke

 

 **jeonghan:** i didn't say i was happy about it

 **jeonghan:** now if you'll excuse me i have to go cry in front of the cashier in hopes that she'll give me a discount

 **jeonghan:** have a good day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is really short but ive had a headache all day and i want to Die  
> as i mentioned in the note i posted (which i'll probably leave until midterms are over), mt midterms are starting this week and will no be over until wednesday next week and i am Screwed  
> pray for me
> 
> on a better note, @kinghoonst on instagram made fanart for this fic and i Deadass cried so please check their art !!  
> if any of you make fanart for this fic (woah i cant believe im actually saying that wild), please tag me in it so i can see!! i'll leave my social media below this
> 
> instagram: svtults  
> twitter: thighjeon  
> tumblr: lqguks
> 
> also the duck thing and the flour/coke are from
> 
>  
> 
> [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5d8pVg3Qtg)
> 
> edit: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHAE HYUNGWON THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE


	25. cory in the house

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **minghao:** pls pray for my boy jaehyun  
>  **minghao:** he aint dead he just got some burning water

_**chat: bad bitches (13)** _

 

 **mingyu:** SO MY ELEMENTARY FRIEND TOLD ME

 **mingyu:** THIS GIRL THAT WAS CRUSHING HARD ON ME

 

 **seungkwan:** oh

 

 **mingyu:** IS ACTUALLY GAY

 **mingyu:** AND I WAS LIKE

 **mingyu:** WOW WIL D

 

 **wonwoo:** tell her to back off

 **wonwoo:** oh

 **wonwoo:** nvm

 **wonwoo:** as you were

 

 **seungkwan:** plot twist mingyu was the reason she realized she was gay

 

 **mingyu:** if that's the case then i wont complain bc at least she's happy

 

 **seungkwan:** i hate how nice you are

 **seungkwan:** it infuriates me

 

 **soonyoung:** why you friends with an elementary student

 

 **mingyu:** correction: my friends from back in elementary that i could not see for three years bc they went to a different school told me when we met up today bc our colleges are in the same area that this girl who had a crush on me in elementary school is actually gay

 

 **soonyoung:** there ya go

 

 **mingyu:** why u gotta do this to me

 

**soonyoung:**

****

 

 **mingyu:** ur lucky im cleaning out my photos right now or you'd be knee deep in meme defeat

 

 **soonyoung:** the only way i wanna go

 

 **seungkwan:** wait mingyu

 **seungkwan:** how'd your friends know that girl was gay

 

 **mingyu:** oh one of my friends is dating her lol

 **mingyu:** she was there too

 

 **soonyoung:** AND YOU DIDNT THINK THAT WAS AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE STORY TO MENTION

 

 **seungkwan:** our lives are like a kdrama wtf

 

-☆-

 

 **minghao:** i have no memes on my phone someone help

 **minghao:** i think i might die

 **minghao:** i can feel my health bar decreasing

 **minghao:** complete the meme mission and save me

 

 **junhui:** i got u b

**junhui:**

**junhui:**

**junhui:**

**junhui:**

**junhui:**

**junhui:**

**junhui:**

**junhui:**

**junhui:**

 

 **minghao:** thank you for feeding me daddy 

 

 **chan:** hao? 

 **chan:** blocked

 

 **junhui:** not in my good christian household

 

 **chan:** hao who idk him

 

 **junhui:** never heard of him

 

 **minghao:** this is an attack

 **minghao:** leave me alone you furries

 

 **junhui:** is that a brand of oatmeal or smth

 **junhui:** sounds nasty :/

 

 **minghao:** like u jessica ://

 

 **chan:** who u calling a furry 

 **chan:** i'll fight u b

 

 **junhui:** do i need to send the photo hao

 **junhui:** bc i will

 

 **minghao:** NO NO

 **minghao:** UH

 **minghao:** WHATS A FURRY

 

 **chan:** damn blackmail on hao i want 

 

 **minghao:** NEVER HEARD OF THAT

 **minghao:** PLS DONT

 

 **junhui:** that's what i thought

 **junhui:** rat

 

 **chan:** what a lovely couple

 **chan:** and they say love is dead

 

 **junhui:** i hold all power

 

 **chan:** junhui? the ultimate dom

 

 **minghao:** i thought being degraded felt great but this feels awful

 **minghao:** where is my lawyer

 

 **junhui:** i am your lawyer

 

 **minghao:** i want a new one

 

 **junhui:** youre too poor to afford a real one

 

 **chan:** definitely wont be making lawyer money working at mcdicks

 

 **minghao:** listen bitch

 

 **junhui:** ahem

 

 **minghao:** i mean

 **minghao:** yes

 **minghao:** the best lawyer

 **minghao:** the most

 **minghao:** amazing

 **minghao:** w o n d e r f u l

 **minghao:** lawyer anyone could ask for

 

 **junhui:** thank you :)

 

 **minghao:** pls end my suffering :")

 

-☆-

 

 **jeonghan:** wow i've never cried quicker ok

 **jeonghan:** basically my music teacher is really hard to please and she doesnt really express affection for her students

 **jeonghan:** but i told her that i was in the hospital and couldnt do my final but i emailed her an assignment that was due last week bc i couldnt hand it in cause i was already sick

 **jeonghan:** and she

 **jeonghan:** she said "thanks kiddo"

 **jeonghan:** theres smth just very emotional abt a teacher calling you kiddo 

 

 **wonwoo:** wow im,,,

 **wonwoo:** soft,,,i,,,,

 

 **jisoo:** WAIT JEONGHAN YOURE IN THE HOSPITAL

 

 **jeonghan:** correct

 

 **jisoo:** WHAT THE FUCK WHY

 

 **jihoon:** you're his boyfriend

 **jihoon:** you literally live together

 **jihoon:** how do you not know

 

 **jisoo:** :((

 

 **hansol:** yeah he's dying didnt u know

 

 **jisoo:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN

 **jisoo:** HANSOL YOURE NOT HELPING

 

 **hansol:** he's never gonna be an idol now

 **hansol:** too bad i cant go to his funeral

 **hansol:** i'll really miss him y'know

 

 **jisoo:** IM GONNA BEAT UR ASS WITH A CHAIR

 

 **seungcheol:** he's been working very hard with his two jobs (pls quit one we're worried) and double major (pls take a rest we love you)

 **seungcheol:** and we're very proud of him

 

 **jeonghan:** yeah soo don't feel bad you haven't been home for more than twenty minutes at a time this whole week

 **jeonghan:** you probably just assumed i was out

 **jeonghan:** which i probably was most of the time

 **jeonghan:** im just here to get blood drawn and all that jazz

 **jeonghan:** i've got a lil cold and bc the flu is really bad this year they just wanna make sure im ok

 

 **jisoo:** ba,,b,,y :((

 **jisoo:** i'll fight ur illness 

 

 **jihoon:** his bf still talks to him as if he's here

 

 **jeonghan:** im waiting for you to say the line so i can say the other half

 

 **jihoon:** what he doesnt know is that he died a long time ago and is being replaced by a minion

 

 **jisoo:** someone get me a chair this boi gon get beat

 

 **jihoon:** sometimes i can still hear his voice

 

 **jeonghan:** stop telling people im dead

 

 **seungcheol:** GAKEVSBF

 

 **jisoo:** ALL THAT

 **jisoo:** JUST FOR THOSE LINES

 **jisoo:** IM

 

 **seungcheol:** IM LAUGHINDG

 

 **jihoon:** this is what we do

 **jihoon:** this is who we are

 

 **hansol:** this is how we do by katy perry

 

 **seungcheol:** auto bots roll out

 

 **jihoon:** doesn't matter if we go too far

 

 **jisoo:** this is a mess

 

 **jeonghan:** that was

 **jeonghan:** a train wreck

 

 **hansol:** someone help us

 

 **jisoo:** but seriously

 **jisoo:** baby :((((

 **jisoo:** i wish i could

 **jisoo:** hold you

 **jisoo:** and hold ur hand super tight

 

 **chan:** keep that soft shit away from me nu uh it's too late

 

 **jihoon:** where did u even come from

 

 **hansol:** i know for a fact youre cuddling with soonyoung rn u hypocrite

 

 **seungcheol:** chan youre soft in general

 

 **chan:** who's chan idk him

 

 **seungcheol:** dont play dumb with me yellow paper

 

 **jeonghan:** STOP I REMEMBER THE YELLOW PAPER

 **jeonghan:** I'LL NEVER FORGET

 

 **chan:** is that a cereal brand

 

 **jisoo:** anyway let's give our love to jeonghan so he can recover quickly

 

**chan:**

****

**chan:**

****

**chan:**

****

**chan:**

****

**chan:**

****

**chan:**

**chan:** THE LAST ONE ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE

 

 **hansol:** LMAO

 **hansol:** chan im gonna send u my new memes later

 

 **jisoo:** i dont have memes but i can send u words

 

 **chan:** IM ALWAYS A SLUT FOR MEMES

 **chan:** wait that reminds me of that one meme

 **chan:** "hey want any chips"

 **chan:** "IM ALWAYS A SLUT FOR DORITOS"

 

 **jeonghan:** seungcheol did that in the store once

 **jeonghan:** he is no longer allowed to go grocery shopping

 

 **seungcheol:** fine by me

 

 **jisoo:** @JEONGHAN I LOVE U SO MUCH TILL THE END OF THE EARTH AND I HOPE YOU GET BETTER AND ILL THINK OF U AT NIGHT,,not that i already dont,,,AND ILL GIVE U MY LOVE STRONGER BC IF ITS STRONGER IT CAN FIGHT UR SICKNESS AWAY AND THEN YOULL FEEL BETTER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WANT U TO GET BETTER AND HOLD UR HAND AND IUHFUGR GO AWAY SICKNESS LEAVE MY BOYFRIEND ALONE U HEATHEN 

 

 **jihoon:** damn he went 

 

 **jisoo:** why are you the way that you are

 

 **jihoon:** guilty

 

 **hansol:** maybe he was born with it

 **hansol:** maybe it's maybelline

 

 **jisoo:** literally get out of my house

 

 **chan:** i thought this was cory's house

 

 **jeonghan:** STOP

 

**chan:**

 

 **jisoo:** why do you have that on your phone

 

 **chan:** why dont you have that on your phone

 

 **seungcheol:** you mean you dont

**seungcheol:**

 

 **chan:** wow nice meme hyung

 **chan:** where'd you get it

 

**hansol:**

****

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: crack open a cold one with the boys (8)** _

 

 **seokmin:** me: counting the days till 1d decide to stop lying to us and tell us they disbanded

 

 **jeongguk:** BIG FUCKING MOOD

 **jeongguk:** like pls we know you arent coming back just get it over with

 

 **jaehyun:** "we're still a band"

 **jaehyun:** IM CALLING BULL 

 **jaehyun:** SHIT

 

 **mingyu:** then why did they all jump on solo careers faster than minghao jumps on junhui's dick

 

 **minghao:** i breathed

 

 **bambam:** true they already have successful solo careers n they seem happy like that

 **bambam:** like ok maybe u still want to be friends w the others but at least have the DECENCY TO STOP LYING TO US

 **bambam:** smh @ 1d

 

 **jeongguk:** i'd leave taehyung so fast if harry styles asked me to

 

 **minghao:** im gonna tell him you said that

 

 **jeongguk:** he'll agree with me

 

 **yugyeom:** speaking of 1d

 **yugyeom:** just yesterday i was like 

 **yugyeom:** "1d songs are the best songs in the universe"

 

 **seokmin:** best song ever

 

 **bambam:** AND WE DANCED ALL NIGHT TO THE BEST SONG EVER

 

 **jeongguk:** WE KNEW EVERY LINE NOW I CANT REMEMBER

 **jeongguk:** HOW IT GOES BUT I KNOW THAT I WONT FORGET HER

 

 **jaehyun:** CAUSE WE DANCED ALL NIGHT TO THE BEST SONG EVER

 

 **changkyun:** u know whats a real bop

 **changkyun:** am

 

 **mingyu:** wont u stay till the am

 **mingyu:** me, crying: all my favorite conversations always made in the am

 

 **bambam:** feels like this could be forever tonight

 

 **minghao:** me, holding back tears: break these clocks, forget about time

 

 **changkyun:** with tears running down my cheeks: there could be a world war 3 going on outside

 

 **yugyeom:** voice cracks: you and me were raised in the same part of town

 

 **seokmin:** wipes snot: got these scars on the same ground

 **seokmin:** remember how we used to kick around just wasting time?

 **seokmin:** [im looking this up bc i dont remember half of the lyrics]

 

 **changkyun:** screaming into the night: wONT YOU STAY TILL THE AM

 **changkyun:** [me too bush shh]

 **changkyun:** [bush]

 **changkyun:** [bush did 9/11]

 

 **seokmin:** [pls im not a terrorist]

 

 **bambam:** drinks water as if it were beer: all my favorite conversations always made in the am

 

 **jeongguk:** looks out the car window as if im in a music video: cause we dont know what we're saying

 

 **jaehyun:** sits by window with an imaginary cat while looking at the rain: we're just swimming round in our glasses and talking out of our asses like we're all gonna make it

 

 **yugyeom:** raises hands to the sky: feels like this could be forever right now

 **yugyeom:** brings my hand back to my chest dramatically, looking away: don't wanna sleep cause we're dreaming out loud

 

 **minghao:** runs through a flower field, looking back at my imaginary s/o: trying to behave but you know that we never learn how

 

 **changkyun:** places a flower in my hair, my eyes shining in the light: you and me were raised in the same part of two

 **changkyun:** falls to my knees with tears in my eyes, looking down at the ground sadly: got these scars on the same ground. remember how we used to kick around just wasting time

 

 **mingyu:** looks out at the water, remembering the good times: won't you stay till the am? all my favorite conversations always made in the am

 

 **seokmin:** sits at the vanity, brushing my rapunzel hair: cause we dont know what we're saying

 **seokmin:** looks at my glass of water deeply: we're just swimming round in our glasses

 

 **bambam:** painting my nails black like my soul now that we're over: and talking out of our asses like we're all gonna make it

 

 **jeongguk:** admires my old house: you know im always coming back to this place

 **jeongguk:** cradles my s/o's face in my hands: you know and i'll say you know im always gonna look for your face

 

 **jaehyun:** shoves things into a backpack while sniffling: won't you stay till the am? all my favorite conversations always made in the am

 

 **dongmin:** what the fuck

 

 **minghao:** gdi dongmin it was my turn

 

 **dongmin:** you fuckin white girls

 

 **yugyeom:** hey now

 **yugyeom:** we all know jeongguk's the whitest

 

 **jeongguk:** no the fuck im not 

 

 **bambam:** that's not what justin bieber sunbaenim said 

 

 **minghao:** uegfuygewfuyg

 

 **mingyu:** jeongguk, trying to get a tattoo: cmon dad, justin has some!

 **mingyu:** namjoon: well if justin jumped off of a bridge would you jump too

 **mingyu:** jeongguk:

 

 **seokmin:** asjsh dont come for him like that

 

 **mingyu:** i come for him out of love

 **mingyu:** wait

 

 **changkyun:** HEGFG

 

 **jeongguk:** woah buddy

 

**mingyu:**

****

 

 **minghao:** too soon

 

 **dongmin:** i hate this

 

 **yugyeom:** GUYS

 **yugyeom:** play this at my funeral

**yugyeom:<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9jdIawyCJ0>**

 

 **jaehyun:** where did you find my mixtape

 

 **bambam:** IM YELLING PLAY IT AT MINE TOO

 

 **changkyun:** i hate this group

 

 **jeongguk:** why are u even here

 **jeongguk:** ur not a 97 liner

 

 **changkyun:** bc im better than all of you and you needed smth good abt this chat

 

 **seokmin:** hope you didnt come here for respect bc we have none

 

 **changkyun:** i gave up on that five minutes after being added

 **changkyun:** "97 line + the fake stan"

 

 **dongmin:** maybe you shouldve been born a year later then

 

 **changkyun:** i?? dont have control?? over when i was birthed????

 

 **dongmin:** well obviously not anymore

 

 **changkyun:**?????????

 

 **jaehyun:** hey yall i gotta blast

 **jaehyun:** i think my water is burning

 

 **mingyu:** but water doesnt burn??

 

 **jaehyun:** yes it do

 

 **mingyu:** no??? it dont??

 

 **jaehyun:** mingyu i will send you a sc my water is on fire

 

 **mingyu:** do it u wont

 

 **jeongguk:** omg jae i thought i told you to stay away from all kitchens

 

 **minghao:** boi gon burn down his apartment

 

 **yugyeom:** taeyong gon beat his ass when he gets home i tell u that

 

 **mingyu:** omg i

 **mingyu:** his

 **mingyu:** his water is actually on fire

 

 **dongmin:** no the hell it aint

 **dongmin:** thats not possible i dont care how stupid jaehyun is

 

 **mingyu:** yall im telling u

 **mingyu:** that shit is up in flames

 

 **bambam:** im ending it

 **bambam:** i cant live in a world where idiots can burn water

 **bambam:** im deleting my saved file

 **bambam:** starting a new game

 

 **changkyun:** today marks a historic day in the 97+ chat

 

 **minghao:** pls pray for my boy jaehyun

 **minghao:** he aint dead he just got some burning water

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new drinking game: take a shot every time i say some form of fuck
> 
> I THINK THIS IS THE LONGEST CHAPTER IVE EVER WRITTEN FOR THIS FIC AND HALF OF IT WASNT EVEN THE SVT CHAT IM
> 
> looking at the ppl who left kudos on this fic and recognizing ppl who wrote some of my fav fics is so weird  
> you guys left so many requests for the last few chapters i was actually kinda surprised lmao, so thank you!!!  
> and i know i don't really reply to comments anymore, but i do read each and every one of them, so thank you to everyone who comments and tells me that they love this fic, it makes me all soft and warm inside, like a (minseok voice) marshmallow
> 
> p.s. would anyone read a stray kids chat fic bc I love them and I love chatfics


	26. bottom bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **minghao:** i have an announcement  
>  **chan:** actually we have an announcement  
>  **minghao:** sorry my bad  
>  **minghao:** bottom bitch and i have an announcement

**_chat: stressed parents of 10 (3)_ **

 

 **jeonghan:** i demand a date night

 

 **jisoo:** good morning to you too jeonghan

 

 **seungcheol:** why so sudden

 

 **jeonghan:** sudden?

 **jeonghan:** um excuse me last time i checked we havent been on a date in almost a month

 

 **jisoo:** he right

 

 **seungcheol:** do we even have time for a date?

 

 **jeonghan:** we're gonna make time

 **jeonghan:** i need a break

 

 **seungcheol:** from what exactly

 

 **jeonghan:** idk

 **jeonghan:** life

 

 **jisoo:** understandable 

 

 **seungcheol:** ok a date night it is then

 **seungcheol:** what do you want to do

 

 **jeonghan:** eat

 

 **jisoo:** is

 **jisoo:** is that all

 

 **jeonghan:**  as long as there's food im down

 

 **seungcheol:** right

 **seungcheol:** well we could go to a restaurant for dinner 

 

 **jeonghan:** lame

 

 **jisoo:** i can hear his annoying ass voice saying that from here

 

 **seungcheol:** listen rat u just said you'd be down as long as there's food

 

 **jeonghan:** i did but we're not 60 y/o grandparents seungcheol

 **jeonghan:** we need something exciting

 **jeonghan:** something youthful 

 

 **jisoo:** we could go on a picnic??

 

 **jeonghan:**...

 **jeonghan:** im listening...

 

 **jisoo:** uh we could go all movie cliche

 **jisoo:** with like cute ass food and fairy lights and shit

 

 **seungcheol:** jeonghan is a slut for movie cliches

 

 **jeonghan:** i am

 **jeonghan:** im in

 

 **seungcheol:** wait are we even allowed to just set up lights in a park

 

 **jisoo:** it'll be night time no one will notice

 

 **seungcheol:** we're gonna get arrested

 

 **jeonghan:** i know im so excited

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: bad bitches (13)** _

 

 **mingyu:** so the parents are going on a date saturday night

 

 **jisoo:** how the fuck do u know that what

 

 **minghao:** jeonghan made a gc with the rest of us and said that you guys are the superior couple

 

 **soonyoung:** i call bullshit

 

 **chan:** of course you do

 

 **jihoon:** k but are y'all really gonna be that extra for a date

 

 **jeonghan:** yes we are bitch u got a problem

 

 **jihoon:** no problem here, im nothing but a small boy

 

 **seokmin:** jihoon called himself a small boy quick everyone screenshot

 

 **junhui:** way ahead of u

 **junhui:** i've been collecting blackmail against jihoon since this gc started

 

 **jihoon:** im sorry you've been doing what now

 

 **chan:** hyung pls

 **chan:** (good job)

 **chan:** let jihoon hyung live

 **chan:** (send them to me)

 

 **jihoon:** betrayed by my own child

 

**chan:**

****

 

 **minghao:** as sad as jihoon's child issues are

 **minghao:** i have an announcement 

 

 **chan:** actually we have an announcement

 

 **minghao:** sorry my bad

 **minghao:** bottom bitch and i have an announcement

 

 **chan:** i'll take it

 

 **seokmin:** ohhh announcements

 **seokmin:** what is it

 

 **minghao:** chan and i were chosen as two of the people that get to choreograph our team's dance for the winter showcase

 

 **wonwoo:** congrats!!!

 

 **hansol:** isn't it a little late for a winter showcase?

 **hansol:** arent they usually around christmas time

 

 **seungkwan:** i thought they did a show for christmas

 

 **chan:** we did but that was a different thing

 **chan:** idk our school is special

 

 **seungcheol:** that's one word to describe it

 

 **soonyoung:** that's really great guys!! who else is on the team?

 

 **chan:** jungkook hyung and hoseok hyung are on it

 **chan:** im so excited i've never gotten to dance with them before asdfg

 

 **wonwoo:** cant believe my own brother didn't tell me abt his showcase

 

 **mingyu:** he told me?

 

 **jisoo:** shjuwegfy

 

 **wonwoo:** yeah but ur u

 **wonwoo:** ur like his,,,platonic boyfriend

 

 **jeonghan:** platonic boyfriend pls

 

 **seokmin:** i love how wonwoo hyung just accepts that mingyu and jungkook are practically dating

 

 **seungcheol:** yeah it's kind of like how jisoo and taehyung would probably be a thing if they both weren't already in relationships 

 

 **seungkwan:** the fact that everyone is so comfortable in their relationships that we're just casually talking abt this

 

 **soonyoung:** chan had a crush on both minhyung and minhyuk once upon a time

 

 **chan:** soonyoung dont tell them tha t

 

 **soonyoung:** but now you're dating me and they're dating each other so it's gucci

 

 **hansol:** wait what

 **hansol:** munchkin one and munchkin two are dating??

 

 **seungkwan:** oh honey

 **seungkwan:** try and keep up

 

 **junhui:** back to the dance topic

 **junhui:** who else is doing it

 

 **minghao:** ah yugyeom too

 **minghao:** speaking of yugyeom i gtg

 **minghao:** he just texted me and asked if i wanted to work on the choreo

 

 **seungcheol:** good luck hao!!

 

 **mingyu:** if jungkook's there tell him i love him

 

 **minghao:** got it

 

-☆-

 

_**chat: wonwoo (2)** _

 

 **junhui:** i have a

 **junhui:** Situation

 

 **wonwoo:** if you got stuck in the washing machine again im not helping you out

 

 **junhui:** listen it was One Time

 **junhui:** and no im not stuck in the washing machine

 

 **wonwoo:** then how can i assist you

 

 **junhui:** how do you not get

 **junhui:** idk

 **junhui:** jealous of the way mingyu talks abt jungkook

 

 **wonwoo:** i think i see where this is going

 **wonwoo:** but it doesnt really bother me

 **wonwoo:** i mean jungkook's my brother and mingyu's been my boyfriend since the 11th grade

 **wonwoo:** and jungkook's whipped for tae 

 **wonwoo:** i love mingyu so i trust him

 

 **junhui:** it's just

 **junhui:** minghao and yugyeom have been spending almost all their free time together for a week now

 **junhui:** i've barely seen him

 

 **wonwoo:** you know how much dance means to hao

 **wonwoo:** imagine how hyped he is that he gets to help choreograph a performance the whole school is gonna see

 **wonwoo:** he's working so hard bc he wants it to be the best

 **wonwoo:** besides yugyeom and bambam definitely got smth going on lmao

 

 **junhui:** youre right

 **junhui:** im just overreacting

 

 **wonwoo:** i dont think you should be jealous but you do have the right to miss your boyfriend hui

 **wonwoo:** tell him that when he comes home tonight and i promise you he'll freak out abt you not telling him sooner

 **wonwoo:** he's hella whipped for you

 

 **junhui:** wow i cant believe i just witnessed the jeon wonwoo use the word hella

 

 **wonwoo:** shut up brat

 

 **junhui:** you have no respect for ur elders

 

 **wonwoo:** i'll show you respect as an elder when u start acting like one

 

 **junhui:** your words wound me won

 

 **wonwoo:** good

 

-☆-

 

  ** _chat: bad bitches (13)_**

 

 **seungkwan:** i cant believe

 **seungkwan:** jihancheol actually almost got their asses arrested 

 

 **jeonghan:** yeah well i cant believe that cop had the audacity to ruin our date

 

 **hansol:** he was just doing his job man

 

 **jeonghan:** and we were just being in love that cop can throw hands

 

 **seokmin:** hyung i walked by the park on the way to the store and i thought yall were gonna do it right there

 

 **jeonghan:** and we wouldve gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids

 

 **soonyoung:** did you just make a scooby doo reference 

 **soonyo** **ung:** in my house

 

 **jeonghan:** what are you gonna do abt it jennifer 

 

 **soonyoung:** im gonna ask u if u want to come over and binge watch scooby doo with me

 **soonyoung:** i have the entire show

 

 **jeonghan:** give me five minutes and i'll be there boo

 

 **chan:** wow look at that suddenly i need to leave

 **chan:** what was that hansol? you want me to come over?

 

 **hansol:** no

 

 **chan:** haha well alrighty buddy im on my way aha be there in ten

 

 **hansol:** no stay away

 

 **chan:** just left the house omw

 

 **hansol:** i hate you

 

-☆-

 

 **seungcheol:** AND JUST LIKE THAT BOYS

 **seungcheol:** OUR DANCE LINE HAS IMPRESSED US ONCE AGAIN

 

 **jihoon:** I STILL CANT BELIEVE YALL MADE THAT

 **jihoon:** ACTUAL BABIES

 

 **minghao:** hyung youre a year older than me

 

 **jihoon:** yes actual babies indeed

 

 **soonyoung:** CHANNIE YOU DID SO GOOD IM SO PROUD OF U

 

 **chan:** i only did so good bc you cheered louder than literally anyone else in the auditorium 

 

 **soonyoung:** im your #1 hype squad

 

 **junhui:** HAO

 **junhui:** BABY

 **junhui:** BABY YOU WERE AMAZING OUT THERE THAT WAS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN YOURE SO TALENTED I LOVE YOU

 

 **minghao:** ,,sh,,u,t,,,up,,,,

 

 **chan:** he's blushing

 

 **minghao:** no im not

 

 **chan:** yes he is

 

 **jeonghan:** aight who wants pics

 

 **seokmin:** we can always count of mama jeonghan to come through

 

 **jeonghan:** mm u know it bby one sec

 

 **seungkwan:** yall shouldve seen him with that camera

 **seungkwan:** he probably has a photo for every second of the show

 

 **jeonghan:** honey i have photos from all the stages

**jeonghan:**

****

**jeonghan:**

****

**jeonghan:**

****

**jeonghan:**

****

**jeonghan:**

****

**jeonghan:** here's chan making a mother proud

 

 **soonyoung:** and a boyfriend fuck

 **soonyoung:** can u believe he's mine

 **soonyoung: ~~~~**im so gay

 

 **mingyu:** that's a mood

 

**jeonghan:**

**jeonghan:**

****

**jeonghan:**

****

**jeonghan:**

****

**jeonghan:**

****

**jeonghan:** and here we have minghao making everyone wish he was single

 

 **junhui:** eyes emoji

 

 **minghao:** no

 

 **junhui:** babe youre so hot

 **junhui:** im screaming

 

 **wonwoo:** can confirm

 

 **junhui:** everything is such a Look mmMMmm

 

 **minghao:** youre an embarrassment 

 

 **junhui:** why cant u be soft like chan

 

 **minghao:** shut up u love it

 

 **junhui:** u right

 **junhui:** attack me harder daddy

 

_**12 users have left the chat** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're going to pretend that minghao has the same hair color in those photos k
> 
> lil something i've never mentioned before: if anyone is wondering, all of the perf team do dance for their school, they're just on separate teams ok dont ask why i did it that way but it's too late to go back  
> this fic isnt funny anymore lmao no matter how many times i rewrote this chapter i hated it so i just gave up and posted it im sorry
> 
> i may end this at 27 chapters instead. possibly 28 if i cant get all your requests into the next chapter


	27. thanks a lot rachel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **seokmin:** do you think junhui's fbi agent is tired of seeing him take selfies

**_chat: bad bitches (13)_ **

 

 **hansol:** i need an adult

 

 **jeonghan:** honey you are an adult

 

 **hansol:** i need a different adult

 

 **jihoon:** what happened

 

 **hansol:** long story short

 **hansol:** i need someone to come down to the movie theater 

 **hansol:** and tell this bitchass security guard that he cant ban me

 

 **soonyoung:** omg why are they trying to ban you from the movie theater

 

 **seungkwan:** oh let me tell you why theyre trying to ban him

 **seungkwan:** and me bc i was with him

 **seungkwan:** thanks a lot you idiot

 **seungkwan:** thanks a lot rachel

 

 **jihoon:** get out

 

 **seungkwan:** sorry i forgot u were the #1 vine anti

 **seungkwan:** i'll just take my tea and leave :/

 

 **soonyoung:** fuck jihoon and spill the tea

 

 **seungkwan:** well since u asked so nicely

 **seungkwan:** hansol and i decided to go see the death cure today for a date bc we're sluts for dylan o'brien

 

 **soonyoung:** isn't everyone

 

 **seungkwan:** and we were both hungry so i was like we'll just get smth at the theater

 **seungkwan:** but no

 **seungkwan:** cheap bitch hansol had another idea

 

 **hansol:** listen ten dollars for a large popcorn is ridiculous and i refuse to give them my money

 **hansol:** so i suggested buying smth and then sneaking it in

 

 **seungkwan:** which would've been fine

 **seungkwan:** but i thought he was talking abt buying some candy at the dollar store or smth

 **seungkwan:** not bringing in a literal full course meal

 

 **seungcheol:** so hansol texted me earlier to help them out 

 **seungcheol:** and i have arrived at the theater and i already want to go home 

 

 **jihoon:** why is that

 

 **seungcheol:** hansol is trying really hard to get himself out of this but the security guard aint having it

 **seungcheol:** "sir i can obviously see that there's something in your jacket"

 

 **jeonghan:** what did he even bring

 

 **seungkwan:** turkey.

 

 **soonyoung:** HE BROUGHT

 **soonyoung:** A WHOLE ASS TURKEY

 **soonyoung:** TO THE THEATER 

 **soonyoung:** well at least you'll have enough space to store your tears

 

 **seungkwan:** you better stop right there sweetie before u get beat

 

 **seungcheol:** i cant do this anymore officer take him away

 

 **jeonghan:** what'd he say

 

 **seungcheol: "** wha- I have no- this is insult- im insult- there is NO turkey in my jacket, SIR, so excUSe yO U"

 

 **jihoon:** lock him up 

 

 **seungcheol:** JDHWEUY THE SECURITY GUARD WENT TO CUFF HIM

 **seungcheol:** SO HANSOL MOVED HIS HANDS FROM HIS JACKET TO SQUARE UP

 **seungcheol:** AND A TURKEY FUCKING FELL AND HIT THE FLOOR

 **seungcheol:** IS THESE REAL LIFE

 

 **soonyoung:** NAH B THIS GOTTA BE A DREAM

 

 **jeonghan:** I CANT BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY BROUGHT A FUCKING TURKEY

 

 **jihoon:** seungkwan are you okay

 

 **seungkwan:** i dont know this man

 **seungkwan:** he's just a stranger who offered me a movie ticket

 

 **hansol:** babe please let's just talk about this

 

 **seungcheol:** you're handcuffed how are you replying

 

 **hansol:** dont worry about it

 

 **seungkwan:** that's it

 **seungkwan:** i've had enough of u idiots im solving this right now

 

 **seungcheol:** omg he just slid an arm around the security guard's shoulders and stepped away with him

 **seungcheol:** the poor guy looks so confused he just went with it

 **seungcheol:** now they're whispering

 

 **jihoon:** "hey you look really good tonight sir"

 

 **soonyoung:** "oh,,why thank you young man,,,you dont look too bad yourself"

 

 **jeonghan:** "bitch i know"

 

 **hansol:** are yall suggesting that my boyfriend is over there flirting me out of this

 

 **soonyoung:** he would

 

 **hansol:** yeah u right

 

 **seungkwan:** alright im back bitches

 

 **jihoon:** what happened

 

 **seungcheol:** the guard is uncuffing hansol omg

 **seungcheol:** seungkwan what did u say to him

 

 **seungkwan:** that's for me to know and for you to forget about

 **seungkwan:** now can we please leave

 

 **hansol:** but what about mark

 

 **seungkwan:** forget about the damn turkey hansol

 

-☆-

 

 **seokmin:** do you think junhui's fbi agent is tired of seeing him take selfies

 

 **jisoo:** drag him

 

 **minghao:** i know i am

 

 **junhui:** i havent said a single word today and yall are still attacking me

 

 **seokmin:** i was bored in class

 **seokmin:** my professor used the fbi in an example for smth

 **seokmin:** and i was like what if

 

 **junhui:** i hate you

 **junhui:** unfollowed

 **junhui:** blocked

 **junhui:** calling your fbi agent 

 

 **seokmin:** leave garold alone

 

 **jisoo:** who the fuck names their kid garold

 

 **junhui:** how dare you attack him like that

 **junhui:** shame on you

 **junhui:** garold has feeling too

 

 **minghao:** i wonder what my fbi agent thinks of me

 

 **junhui:** i wonder if your fbi agent looking through your phone thinks youre as beautiful as i do

 

 **minghao:** FUCKIGN STOP

 **minghao:** I DONT NEED THIS

 **minghao:** FUCK RIGHT OFF

 

 **seokmin:** ew the gays are at it again

 

 **junhui:** but it's true 

 **junhui:** u cute af bb

 **junhui:** ur fbi agent is lucky that they get to see ur beautiful face everyday

 

 **jisoo:** aw

 

 **junhui:** since you always on that damn phone

 

 **seokmin:** UEEOFIUG

 

 **minghao:** BITCH

 

 **junhui:** rat couldnt even put down his phone last night to give me the love and attention i so desperately needed after such a tough day

 

 **minghao:** u ran out of ramen

 

 **junhui:** twas a sad day

 

 **minghao:** we live three minutes away from a convenient store

 **minghao:** isn't that convenient

 

 **junhui:** i broke my foot

 

 **minghao:** no u didnt

 

 **junhui:** u dont know that

 

 **minghao:** i live with u

 **minghao:** i see u everyday

 **minghao:** youre sitting across from me on the couch

 

 **junhui:** hao i think you need to put ur glasses back on :/

 

 **minghao:** im gonna come strangle u

 

 **junhui:** im a bad bitch u cant kill me

 **junhui:** i'd like to see u trqywdqDUVF

 

 **jisoo:** oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead

 

 **seokmin:** nah he aint

 **seokmin:** i just walked into their apartment and they cuddlin

 **seokmin:** nasty shit

 

 **jisoo:** why are you in their apartment

 

 **seokmin:** im hungry

 

 **jisoo:** you have food at your own apartment?

 

 **seokmin:** yeah but i dont want that food

 

 **jisoo:** i cant stand you

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: if she breathes, she's a thot (3)_ **

 

 **minhyuk:** guys

 **minhyuk:** guys help

 **minhyuk:** get in here bitches i need attention

 **minhyuk:** fine

 **minhyuk:** u leave me no choice

 **minhyuk:** deep breath

 **minhyuk:** YAYAYA

 

 **minhyung:** VERSE 2

 

 **chan:** i'd leave soonyoung for felix

 

 **minhyung:** wouldnt we all

 

 **minhyuk:** now that u rats are here

 **minhyuk:** help

 

 **chan:** what u need my guy

 

 **minhyuk:** so im at the store bc i really wanted a bag of my favorite chips

 **minhyuk:** and when i got there there was only one bag left

 **minhyuk:** so i went to go get it

 **minhyuk:** and out of nowhere this little kid comes around the corner and takes it

 **minhyuk:** he's still here and i dont know what i should do

 

 **chan:** fight the kid

 

 **minhyung:** do not fight the kid

 

 **minhyuk:** im gonna fight the kid

 

 **minhyung:** what ur gonna do is get ur ass arrested

 

 **minhyuk:** i need the chips min

 **minhyuk:** i need the m

 

 **minhyung:** jfc i will buy you some just dont tackle the kid

 

 **chan:** why does the image of minhyuk tackling a small child make me think of that one video of the girl who hates minions

 

 **minhyuk:** PUPINIA

 **minhyuk:** MY ICON

 

 **minhyung:** EVERYTIME I LOOK AT ONE I HAVE A MELTDOWN

 

 **chan:** it's been four months

 **chan:** we want a new video @ our third life

 

 **minhyung:** if i email them do you think they'll let me join

 **minhyung:** i speak english

 **minhyung:** i can do nothing but lets plays of roblox

 

 **minhyuk:** you know what you can do?

 **minhyuk:** get ur ass home

 **minhyuk:** i want my chips bitch

 

 **minhyung:** stfu rat im on my way

 

 **chan:** ah young love

 

 -☆-

 

**_chat: wonwoo (2)_ **

 

 **mingyu:** hey where are you

 **mingyu:** it's almost midnight

 **mingyu:** wonwoooo

 **mingyu:** answer meeee

 

 **wonwoo:** sorry my phone was on silent

 **wonwoo:** im at the library studying

 

 **mingyu:** you went to the library at 1 though??

 

 **wonwoo:** yeah

 

 **mingyu:** you've been there for eleven hours??

 

 **wonwoo:** it's an important test

 

 **mingyu:** wonwoo what the fuck

 **mingyu:** have you eaten?

 

 **wonwoo:** uh

 **wonwoo:** i had a bag of chips at 4

 

 **mingyu:** oh i dont fucking think so

 **mingyu:** nu uh not on my watch

 **mingyu:** i cant believe youre even AWAKE rn

 **mingyu:** your test is tomorrow and all that studying aint gonna matter if u cant keep ur eyes open

 **mingyu:** dont fucking move im on my way

 

 **wonwoo:** mingyu you dont have to

 

 **mingyu:** shut up bitch

 

 **wonwoo:** i mean

 **wonwoo:** i'll be waiting

 

 **mingyu:** :)

 

 -☆-

 

**_chat: bad bitches (13)_ **

 

 **wonwoo:** mingyu just deadass showed up at the library with a teddy bear, chocolate and a whole fucking meal at 12:30am

 

 **jisoo:** get you a man

 

 **mingyu:** i wasnt gonna let u starve

 **mingyu:** ur gonna eat and then we're going home

 

 **jihoon:** that sentence was oddly domestic

 

 **minghao:** why are you at the library so late?

 

 **wonwoo:** i've got a big test tomorrow and i was studying for it

 **wonwoo:** tbh i didnt even notice how late it was until mingyu texted me and i looked at the time

 

 **junhui:** why'd he buy a bear tho

 

 **mingyu:** look i saw it when i was buying chocolate and i thought it was cute ok

 **mingyu:** and it kind of reminded me of wonu

 

 **wonwoo:** i remind you of a bear?

 

 **mingyu:** cold and scary on the outside

 **mingyu:** soft and squishy on the inside, very hug-able 

 

 **jisoo:** aw that's so cute

 

 **wonwoo:** you go hug a bear and get back to me on that

 

 **jihoon:** and just like that wonwoo ruins the mood once again

 

 **wonwoo:** it's a specialty of mine

 

-☆-

 

**_chat: chan (2)_ **

 

 **soonyoung:** hey

 **soonyoung:** you know i love you right

 

 **chan:** soonyoung im literally just in the bedroom

 **chan:** why are you texting me

 

 **soonyoung:** pls just answer the question

 

 **chan:** yeah yeah of course i know

 

 **soonyoung:** ok

 **soonyoung:** ok good

 

 **chan:** is everything okay??

 

 **soonyoung:** yeah yeah everything's fine

 **soonyoung:** i just wanted to make sure

 

 **chan:** you can always talk to me soon

 **chan:** whenever, im here for you

 

 **soonyoung:** i know

 **soonyoung:**...can we cuddle for a little bit

 

 **chan:** i already got all the pillows and blankets on the bed

 **chan:** i bought all of haikyuu on dvd yesterday when i passed it in the store 

 **chan:** hope youre ready for sports anime night

 

 **soonyoung:** i hope youre ready to watch seijou lose to karasuno again

 

 **chan:** take it back

 

 **soonyoung:** cant take back the facts

 

 **chan:** get your ass in here im gonna beat you

 **chan:** oikawa tooru did not bust his knee just to be disrespected like this

 

 **soonyoung:** kageyama didnt go through all of that character development and finally start to lose his cold demeanor for you to ignore his hard work

 

 **chan:** this is war kwon

 

 **soonyoung:** bring it lee

 **soonyoung:** im walking down the hall now i hope youre ready to taste defeat

 

 **chan:** sure jan

 **chan:** and hey

 

 **soonyoung:** hm?

 

 **chan:** i love you too

 

 **soonyoung:** i know baby

 **soonyoung:** now move your cute ass over it's haikyuu time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> s/o to shiny for putting up with my whiny ass and helping me with this chapter ily bb
> 
> im gonna be really gross for a sec ok
> 
> i cant express how thankful i am to everyone who read not only this, but my other fics as well. when i first started, i wasnt a very confident writer and often hated almost everything i wrote because i didnt think it was good enough. the first thing i posted on ao3 that i was really proud of was walmart vs chanel and it's thanks to my friend emily for inspiring me to publish it and to shiny for encouraging me. i never even dreamed of this getting so much attention. the same goes for my other fics. your comments continue to make me feel good about my work and encourage me to keep writing for people to enjoy. so thank you to everyone who's ever read this, left kudos, or a comment. even to the people who opened this, looked at the first chapter, and decided it wasn't for them. i love y'all.
> 
> and with that, walmart vs chanel has come to an end.
> 
> if anyone wants to talk abt svt or any other groups, my twitter is @softlix with a capital i


	28. sad adults

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **chan:** there are plenty of other adults that hate their jobs too im not special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sike bitches! bet yall thought you'd seen the last of me!  
> ahhh it's been one year since i posted this fic and it just? doesnt feel? real?? i ended this fic 6 months ago yet there are still 229 people subscribed to it, so i hope all of you see this!
> 
> happy one year lovies!!

 

**chat: employed adults (13)**

 

 **chan:** i hate my fucking job

 

 **mingyu:** you've been saying that since you graduated from college two years ago

 

 **chan:** that's bc i hate my fucking job

 

 **seungcheol:** i dont understand why you dont just quit and find a new one

 

 **junhui:** we cant all be big shot ceos hyung

 **junhui:** some of us have to live off instant ramen still

 

 **wonwoo:** shut up bitch you own a gucci suit

 

 **junhui:** exactly i bought that suit with all i had now im poor

 

 **jisoo:** why don't you just work with soonyoung at his dance studio

 **jisoo:** he literally owns the place im sure he'd let his boyfriend work there

 

 **soonyoung:** i would

 **soonyoung:** i've already tried to convince him but he said he doesn't want anything handed to him

 

 **hansol:** what

 **hansol:** chan he's not handing anything to you

 **hansol:** you literally went to school for four years to become a dance instructor 

 

 **jeonghan:** yeah and now you're wasting it by working some dumb office job with a shitty boss

 

 **chan:** idk i just

 **chan:** im just being a baby

 **chan:** there are plenty of other adults that hate their jobs too im not special

 

 **seungkwan:** and im sure if you asked any of them they'd tell you that they'd quit if they had a better option

 **seungkwan:** which you do

 

 **chan:** its whatever

 **chan:** i need to go get ready to leave

 **chan:** if im even a minute late again my boss will beat my ass haha whip

 

 **mingyu:** oh my god he's lost it

 

 **seungcheol:** did we ever have hope

 

-☆-

 

**chat: chan (2)**

 

 **soonyoung:** baby it's almost 11

 **soonyoung:** are you on your way home?

 

 **chan:** yeah im abt to leave the office now

 **chan:** my boss wanted me to stay a little later to finish up some paperwork

 

 **soonyoung:** a little later? 

 **soonyoung:** chan you're suppose to get out of work at 7

 

 **chan:** i know but you know that if i say no i could lose my job

 

 **soonyoung:** i dont understand why you dont just work at the studio

 **soonyoung:** i dont know why you're convinced it's me handing it to you

 **soonyoung:** no matter how much i love you i wouldn't let you work there if i didn't think you were qualified 

 

 **chan:** just drop it soonie

 **chan:** im gonna go so i can drive

 **chan:** i'll see you at home okay? i love you

 

 **soonyoung:** i love you too

 

-☆-

 

_**soonyoung created 'soon's counselors'** _

_**soonyoung added jeonghan and 10 others to 'soon's counselors'** _

 

**chat: soon's counselors (12)**

 

 **soonyoung:** hello pls tell me at least one of you is awake

 **soonyoung:** im in need of help

 

 **jihoon:** it's almost 2am what could you possibly need right now

 

 **minghao:** if you need someone to drive you to the hospital im not awake

 

 **seokmin:** whats up bro

 

 **soonyoung:** thank you for being my only real friend

 **soonyoung:** and yes im aware that it's almost 2am

 **soonyoung:** chan got home a few hours ago and he just fell asleep

 

 **wonwoo:** doesn't he get out at 7?

 

 **soonyoung:** his boss is a dick what's new

 **soonyoung:** now im awake by myself and i think the 2am thoughts are getting to me bc i just had an insane idea

 

 **mingyu:** all of this is nothing new

 

 **soonyoung:** i want to ask chan to marry me

 

 **mingyu:** ok that's a little new

 

 **jeonghan:** actually no it's not

 **jeonghan:** he told me abt this back when we were still in college

 

 **soonyoung:** no?? i didnt??

 

 **jeonghan:** yeah you did

 **jeonghan:** you just thought i was seungcheol

 

 **soonyoung:** oh yeah

 **soonyoung:** fuckin rat

 

 **junhui:** anyway

 **junhui:** why do you think it's an insane idea?

 

 **soonyoung:** don't you think it's too soon?

 **soonyoung:** i mean it's only been two years since he graduated

 **soonyoung:** and then all the bullshit with his job

 

 **seungcheol:** are you sure that's all?

 

 **soonyoung:** and maybe im afraid he wont want to marry me lol

 

 **jisoo:** maybe you are insane bc there's no way chan would ever say no to marrying you

 

 **hansol:** yeah bro he's hella whipped for u

 

 **seokmin:** you guys have been dating since high school and you still doubt his feelings towards you?

 

 **soonyoung:** nonono that's not it

 **soonyoung:** i know he loves me i just

 **soonyoung:** idk sometimes i feel like i dont deserve him

 **soonyoung:** and question how someone like him could love someone like me

 

 **jihoon:** ok listen up

 **jihoon:** i've known the two of you since you were both snot-nosed brats 

 **jihoon:** and chan has always looked up to you

 **jihoon:** i know you dont wanna believe it soon but you're an amazing guy

 **jihoon:** you're one of the nicest people i know, i dont think i've ever seen you put yourself before someone else

 **jihoon:** not to mention you're so incredibly talented

 **jihoon:** you own your own dance studio for gods sake

 

 **jisoo:** yeah what he said

 

 **jihoon:** not to mention before the two of you got together i had to constantly listen to chan rant abt how you were too perfect for him

 **jihoon:** so pls for the love of god

 **jihoon:** marry the damn boy

 

 **minghao:** are we sure this is still jihoon

 

 **jihoon:** wanna say that to my face kermit

 

 **minghao:** your eyes cant even reach my face

 

 **soonyoung:** jihoon :(

 **soonyoung:** i love you :(

 

 **jihoon:** oh no u dont

 

 **soonyoung:** i do :(

 **soonyoung:** ok im gonna do it

 

 **jeonghan:** you're gonna do it?

 

 **soonyoung:** im gonna do it

 

 **junhui:** he's gonna do it

 

 **soonyoung:** jihoon come with me to pick out a ring tomorrow while chan's at work

 

 **jihoon:** what why me

 

 **soonyoung:** bc you're chan's dad?

 

 **jeonghan:** uh

 **jeonghan:** no the fuck he's not

 

 **hansol:** clearly you don't remember our court session a few years ago

 

 **seungkwan:** the question is why do you remember that

 

 **hansol:** it was my debut as a judge

 

 **seungkwan:** right

 

 **soonyoung:** jihoooonnn

 **soonyoung:** pleeeaaassseee

 

 **jihoon:** oh my god you're so annoying

 **jihoon:** fine i'll go

 

 **soonyoung:** yay!!!

 **soonyoung:** i'll pick you up tomorrow at 1

 **soonyoung:** and yes seokmin you can come too

 

 **seokmin:** oh thank god

 

-☆-

 

  **chat: jihoon (2)**

 

 **soonyoung:** jihoon im nervous

 

 **jihoon:** i swear to god soon

 **jihoon:** is he still at work?

 

 **soonyoung:**  no he just texted me that he's on his way home

 **soonyoung:** jihoon what if he says no

 

 **jihoon:** he's not gonna say no

 

 **soonyoung:** he could

 

 **jihoon:** im going to come over there and beat your ass

 **jihoon:** take a deep breath and try to calm down

 **jihoon:** if you're sweating the pacific ocean when he comes home he's gonna know something is up

 

 **soonyoung:** you're right you're right

 **soonyoung:** oh god he just pulled up

 

 **jihoon:** it's gonna be fine

 **jihoon:** now go get ur man

 

-☆-

 

 

**chat: heathen tube (3)**

 

 **chan:** f-fellas

 

 **minhyung:** did u just

 **minhyung:** stutter through text

 

 **chan:** y-yes

 

 **minhyuk:** stop

 

 **minhyung:** what do you want loser

 

 **chan:** damn i came here to tell y'all that ya not single boy is even more not single but go off ig

 

 **minhyuk:** wait

 **minhyuk:** hold on

 

 **minhyung:** do u mean

 

 **chan:** that's right fellas

 **chan:** i am Engaged

 **chan:** i've been Snatched

 

 **minhyung:** chan? oh my god??

 

 **minhyuk:** holy fuck dude im so happy for u

 **minhyuk:** how'd he do it what goes on

 

 **chan:** ok so

 **chan:** i came home from work all tired and shit and soonyoung was just

 **chan:** standing there in the doorway like sweating nervously

 **chan:** so of course i asked him if he was ok and he came over and took my bag from me and lead me to the kitchen

 **chan:** and there was like a whole fucking 5 course meal on the table and i was really confused bc i know soonyoung can't cook

 

 **minhyung:** drag him

 

 **chan:** turns out mingyu made it all

 

 **minhyuk:** disappointed but not surprised 

 

 **chan:** it was really good i'll have to make sure to repay mingyu some time

 **chan:** wonwoo is so lucky his man can cook i wonder what that's like

 

 **minhyung:** CHAN

 

 **minhyuk:** sjdjdfn

 

 **chan:** ANYWAY we ate dinner and when we were almost done he went quiet and started to look really serious

 **chan:** and when i asked him what was wrong he took a deep breath and started telling me how much i mean to him

 

 **minhyung:** bitch we know u have the whole thing memorized start typing

 

 **chan:** mayhaps you're right

 **chan:** "okay before i start, just a warning that this is gonna be really gross and all over the place, but please don't interrupt me"

 

 **minhyuk:** smooth

 

 **chan:** "we've known each other for a really long time and each day i wake up wondering what i did in a past life to have been so lucky to have gotten the chance to meet you in this one. it amazes me how, out of everyone else, you chose me to be with.to be honest with you, i didn't think we would last this long. not because i doubted the sincerity of my feelings for you, but because i was dumb and insecure and couldn't bring myself to believe that you wouldn't find someone else that's better than me and replace me. deep down, i knew that wouldn't happen, but i couldn't control it. and now here we are, a couple years after college with jobs and still going strong."

 **chan:** jesus he was right this is gross

 

 **minhyung:** keep going the tears in my eyes are waiting to fall

 

 **chan:** "anyway, before i embarrass myself even more, what i'm trying to say is thank you for staying by my side for so long and putting up with my shit. there is no one in the world that means more to me than you do, and there never will be."

 **chan:** at this point he gets out of his chair and comes to stand beside me

 **chan:** "i can't imagine what my life would be like without you in it and hopefully i never have to."

 **chan:** i was really confused this whole time but when he reached into his pocket and pulled out the box i like immediately started crying

 

 **minhyuk:** how funny, min just started crying too

 

 **minhyung:** shut up ugly you're crying too

 

 **chan:** can y'all shut up you're both gross

 **chan:** "lee chan, will you give me the honor of waking up next to you for the rest of my life?"

 **chan:** and as we know i obviously said yes so he put the ring on my finger and then we made out

 

 **minhyuk:** who are the gross ones now huh

 

 **minhyung:** chan i can't believe you're getting married im so proud

 

 **chan:** oh my god

 **chan:** oh my god im getting married

 **chan:** wait i still haven't told the gays

 

 **minhyuk:** u better go before jeonghan beats your ass

 

 **chan:** i am: running

 

-☆-

 

**chat: employed adults (13)**

 

 **chan:** im sure y'all know already bc there's no way soonyoung planned that one on his own

 **chan:** but i said yes uwu

 

 **soonyoung:** uwu

 

 **jeonghan:** MY BABY'S GETTING MARRIED

 

 **minghao:** tbh i thought jihoon and seokmin would be the first ones to get married

 **minghao:** i was a fool

 

 **jihoon:** glad to see soonyoung didn't fuck up

 

 **seungkwan:** congrats!!

 

 **seungcheol:** im going to cry

 **seungcheol:** my kids are all grown up now

 

 **soonyoung:** aw dad dont worry you'll never be able to get rid of us

 

 **seungcheol:** wait no that's not what i want

 

 **jisoo:** look what you did cheol now we're stuck with them

 

 **chan:** also

 **chan:** thanks for the food mingyu it was delicious 

 

 **mingyu:** anything for my number one fan

 

 **seokmin:** soonyoung if im not your best man im going to riot

**hansol:** me @ chan

**soonyoung:** of course you are bro is that even a question

 

 **chan:** i'll think about it

 

 **hansol:** listen

 

 **chan:** would u look at the time

 **chan:** it's getting late so i think it's abt time to head to bed

 **chan:** soonyoung come cuddle me it's cold

 

 **soonyoung:** coming bb

 

 **seungkwan:** gross

 

 **wonwoo:** oh not this again

 

-☆-

 

**chat: soonyoung (2)**

 

 **chan:** this is real right

 **chan:** like we're actually gonna get married

 

 **soonyoung:** yes baby it's real

 **soonyoung:** the dent in my bank account is proof

 **soonyoung:** hey now that you're gonna be my husband will you finally quit your shitty job and work at the studio

 

 **chan:** soonyoung

 

 **soonyoung:** please

 **soonyoung:** i dont like the way your boss treats you

 

 **chan:** i'll think about it

 

 **soonyoung:** i love you

 

 **chan:** i love you too

 **chan:** so much

 **chan:** im so happy i threw that ball at your head when we were kids

 

 **soonyoung:** sometimes the spot still hurts

 **soonyoung:** you were a lot stronger than a four year old should have been

 

 **chan:** my grinds been going since birth

 **chan:** ow wtf why'd you hit me

 

 **soonyoung:** you're dumb

 **soonyoung:** now put down your phone and give me a kiss

 

 **chan:** you're so demanding

 

 **soonyoung:** you love me

 

 **chan:** yeah

 **chan:** i do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> annnddd now it's officially officially over! i won't be updating this again so feel free to unsubscribe from it now lol
> 
> i was gonna actually write out the proposal scene but no matter how many time i tried, i hated everything i wrote so i just went with my good ol retelling in the gc, and it wouldn't have been a proper last chapter without everyones favorite 99 squad
> 
> thank you so so so much to everyone who's read this, left kudos and comments, and supported my work! i love all of you mwah
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/markmin_co)   
>  [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/renjwns)


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